Poetry / Day Dreams and Magic

Wow!  I’m always inspired by those with a little magic whispering in their ears.   Like Dr. Suess and Shel Silverstein.  I love your pretty poem.  Great rhythm and rhyme.  

Thanks for sharing-

Tiddley

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August 18, 2007

by LMPATE

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
337	86.5% (89 votes)	29.4%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
55	F	Desoto, TX	November 08

Thank you.  I’m glad that you liked it. I have always liked writing poems and am trying my hand at a childrens book. I like tweeking the imagination. I appreciate the review.

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Oh wow, congratulations. This is really awesome. I absolutely love it. I love the idea you have and the writing is perfect. I always comment on peoples terrible grammar and spelling, but here I have only praise.

Thank you for sharing

I like this. It’s full of happiness and I picture colourful scenes from what you’re writing. It would be a really nice poem in a childrens book.

You get the rhymes perfectly, and you open/close the poem in a nice way. The place you dream about really come to life while I’m reading, and ends abrubtly when I “wake up” from this daydream of yours.

Unicorns run through my head with light steps while the fireflies dance around me.

Maybe it would’ve done nice as a childrens song, too?

Well, good luck further on with getting something published!

I enjoyed this so much. I was there in your world with you. I really was “wowed” by ‘Where butterflies are spun of gold
And Unicorns with fairies told
The tales of selkies and magic wands
Where rainbows dipped to drink from ponds’ this was very imaginative. You used very good words to describe your vision and I totally followed. Well Done!!  

Just delightful!
You’ve woven a beautiful fantasy realm
where I would definitely like to visit.
This would be a perfect childrens story!
My favorites:
“Where rainbows dipped to drink from ponds”
and
“By catching rides on wings of bee’s”

Love those. Nothing I could improve upon here!
Excellent job. Thanks.

Hi,
I read the first one. This is so very well done, what can one say but thank you.
Your imagery is great.
The ease, the way it flows is smooth.
I hope to one day see this in a children’s book.

This piece is fine as a children’s poem. It it whimsical, understandable, and has an element of fun. If that is the intent, then there’s very little that I would suggest. Nice work.

If we take it out of the realm of children, I’d suggest that a few of the rhymes feel too safe (such as bee’s/trees), and a few of the lines seem forced to fit the rhyme, compromising the content (such as rides/slides and leaves/sleeves lines.

Considering the nature of the piece, I’d probably go with your gut feeling and classify it as a children’s piece (not necessarily on Urbis, but in general). As stated, it works well and doesn’t need any “tough love”.

I hope this helps. Good luck.

This would be  so sweet for a children’s book I think!!!I can see it with vivid bright colored pictures all around it..I really love it!! Keep up the good work!

Bravo, really, braaaavoooo.   ::rucus applause::

It almost has a sing-songy nature to it if you do it right, and it really is a pleasure reading this.  You really took your time with this, in getting the rhyme scheme just right, and as I read it out loud twice and again for a third it just flows off the tongue… with the exception of the first line in the second stanza and the second line in the fourth stanza.  One thing I noticed upon closer inspection about the fourth stanza was how the speaker is caught up all of a sudden chasing fireflies, and chased them “to earth ‘again.’”  It seemed a bit peculiar that it was never mentioned he ever left terra firma or the whole following of the bunnies escapade he was on.

Either way, I just knew I had to review this in order to find out the mastermind behind this and try out the “Fan” feature :)

-me

I want to start by saying that I gave you a 10 on being a better writer. I wanted to give you a one but with the understanding that you don’t need to to become better in the genre of children poetry. This is wonderfully delightful. It engages the imagination from the very outset taking the reader with fanciful eyes along a journey of colorful, relatable creatures, than back to a charming place at the end.

In a word: Publish this! To do otherwise would to honestly rob the minds of children something truly special that they should read or listen to right before sleep. I thank you for sharing this with me. Great job. Keep writing!