They were originally separate, but like I said, the people who reviewed were missing something from it, so I thought that if I put them together, they might understand. Thanks for reviewing and for your kind comments.
Poetry / Inspiration's Light
I.
I have seen the light!
Or at least, I think I did-
dancing vaguely from the corner of my eye.
I know it was there-
mocking me-just out of my vision.
Or warning me? Or watching me?
I wish I knew.
All I know is that it flickered there-
for an instant-then disappeared
faster than I could blink.
Or did it go out?
II.
The dancing light returned-
brighter-but I let it go…
I let it flicker away to tease another.
I know I held it-
I felt the warmth of my muse
in my palm. Or in my heart.
Or maybe both.
It makes no difference-
it was not as enlightening as I had hoped.
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PhoebeRaven reviewed Version 1 -
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trouten_m reviewed Version 1 -
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If possible, and applicable, I think you should work on your rhythm. Other than that, I like the poem and I like your twist on ‘seeing the light.’ Best of luck to you.
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WriteUpZ reviewed Version 1 -
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strangepeade reviewed Version 1 -
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aquaruischick reviewed Version 1 -
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You need to put commas in instead of the hyphen. THis is a good piece but could use more details and descriptive words.. Nicely written. Keep up the great work.
sfharper reviewed Version 1 -
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I like this poem because it seems so hopeful but ends so practical. Therefore, I think your title doesn’t quite capture the essence. It has good structure. I’d break the last line just before “as I had hoped” and put it on the next line. You use light quite often—is there an analogy, synonym or metaphor you could use for the light after it’s first use? Keep working, I like this quite a bit and have had similar happen to me.
Qwantu reviewed Version 1 -
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This is interesting. I like your use of imagery and I think the structure was effective as well. It really speaks to the fleeting nature of inspiration.
Happy writing.
FeatheredEagle reviewed Version 1 -
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You’re right to say that they go together, but I think they could of stayed solo if you wanted it to. Each part has its own concept. I noticed you used flicer twice. I think it was a good word to use as it usually as is associated with going out and to allow it to stay burning you let it go. It’s kinda of sad reading this poem, but I understand the concept. I would just hope the speaker does find a light enlightening as they want!
peanut047 reviewed Version 1 -
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interesting. so were you trying to get inspired to write and then wrote about how you weren’t inspired? i’m kinda confused. were you inspired or not? how come you’re not sure if it’s in your heart or in your hand or whatever if it’s your own inspiration?
roxyrooroo reviewed Version 1 -
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Very good! I smiled the whole time I read it. I like how it moves from a part 1 of your adventure with theis muse into a part 2…very creative. I don’t really know what you were trying to talk about…but the words still amused me.
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