No, you’re not missing anything. I wrote this in high school and meant for it to be abstract. If I’m remembering correctly, the Golden Race are the people who lived on Earth before the human race began, according to Greek mythology (and not some White Supremacist doctrine). Darkest Corners is something I came up with, and is sort of explained within the first stanza. Basically, it’s just another poem about high school angst.
Poetry / The Forgotten
A gentle soul- she walks alone
Upon a path of heartless stone
In the Darkest Corner of the Earth,
A place for sorrow and for mirth.
“Cassandra whispered once to me
That from my Corner I’d fly free-
A rose among the Golden Race,
But now her words have lost their grace.
Where is the Golden Race?” she cries.
Warm tears roll from her bright-lit eyes.
She scans the path; what does she see?
Mere phantoms- shadows of fantasy.
In lulling tones the nightingale sings;
Drops of wax from Icarus’s wings;
Concealed in his tomb, the Pharaoh’s gold;
The mournful cry of tales untold.
She is a pearl that lies unseen
Deep in the sea- so pure and clean;
Unfathomable to mortal hands
That vainly grope upon the strands.
The lovely world’s a peacock’s tail,
With brilliant colors- yet so frail,
A hundred eyes with none to see
Know not this pearl and her beauty.
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thezenix reviewed Version 1 -
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This was truly elegant. The rhythm of the poem is absolutly perfect. And not perfect meaning without fawls. However, perfect for the writer and the reader to be on the same page. It was like reading some form of Edgar Allen Poe, but you know it was not. I don’t think this was dark at all. It is the way you make your point is so simple and dramatic at the same time. Many are able to do so, but few are able to do it so elegantly as you and Edgar Allen Poe.
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chasingdreams1 reviewed Version 1 -
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Ahwe ! This kinda reminded me of something a dark romanticist would write… Sounds like a poem i would read in a poetry book or lititure book:) I like :) !!
Deadsage reviewed Version 1 -
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This is grammatically perfect… but I don’t get it.
just kidding.
Believe it or not, I’m not going to rip this poem up!
Meter and rhyme are solid and tight.
You’ve checked and rechecked your Iambic Tetrameter
“That vainly grope upon the strand” – loved this line.
an allusion to the Cassandra of Greek Mythology? The pearl line made me doubt myself as Cassandra was extremely vulnerable in mythology (being raped and taken as a concubine then ultimately murdered comes to mind)
I didn’t understand the capital letters on Golden Race and Darkest Corners. What am I missing?
raebethmcgee reviewed Version 1 -
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This is well written and I feel that it’s at it’s best. I dont think the author could have done anything differnt and I want to say job well done.
Alex_Bruinekool reviewed Version 1 -
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Very good. I really don’t have any criticism of this piece. It’s almost Byron-esque in my eyes, but with your own flavor added in. Good job.
jalubcarrey reviewed Version 1 -
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I liked the rhyme scheme and even the imagery. I can see a lot of classical mythology in the piece, which I can appreciate. The grammar strikes me as being fairly solid. I didn’t see any mistakes on that front except that you were probably using MS Word when you wrote this so the first letter, of every line, has been capitalized. Is that what you wanted? I don’t have a problem with it, but in the middle of a sentence, from one line to another, you have a capital letter.
Who is “she” though?
I can tell you now that some people won’t like this piece because it’s what I call “Syrupy”, but that’s okay. It reads like traditional poetry.
GeorgiaPoetry reviewed Version 1 -
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This piece flows very well and so easily read. I read it aloud in almost a sing song way. I love the line “the lovely world’s a peacock’s tail” that is a great mental image.
cindergirl6 reviewed Version 1 -
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I read this and I hear the poetry that is there. But also thought, wouldn’t this make a great short story? I want to know more. Great imagery, well painted thought into pictures. Great voice translation.
Dous reviewed Version 1 -
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Icarus’s should just be Icarus’
is there a reason for the capitalized words in the middle of sentences?
other than that, great job, i loved the imagery and the flow of words
livinglilu reviewed Version 1 -
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Wow!
I really enjoyed this. Theres a lovely natural rhythm that doesnt feel forced, it flows and the words fit beautifully. The imagery is great..
Im not sure what else to tell you.. I dont seem able to pick it apart so hey, thats a good thing right?
seriously.. good stuff in my humble opinion :)
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