Journal, Diary, & Blogging / Untitled (Analysis)

I loved it. It was to the point and expressive about so much.

Definitely: an object at rest will remain at rest unless pushed. or going down/dark is easier than going up/light. would like to see more pieces longer than this.

Its prose poetry.  Which is fine.  This poem works well until you get to the “I love you…”.  That is when it starts to unravel for me.  It loses its unique flavor and becomes more pedestrian. I think you need a stronger ending.  If you can make the ending a little stronger…it could be quite striking.

You have a space after, “I love you” which is a typo.  Grammatically this is very good.  Although this encapsulates how many feel about their relationship, I feel it doesn’t really add anything new to the discussion.  The cage metaphor is especially cliche.

Yeah it is hard to put this into any category, but to me it’s like a prose. I think it’s very good, in the way it draws you in and pulls you back out.

    I would change a few minor spots – like when you say ” you hold me here, or I do” it should be ” you hold me here, or do I?” Just sounds more cohesive and like he is questioning himself.  Also the line ” I love you, or I’m dependent on you” sounds better as “I love you, or am I dependent on you- right now I can’t tell which.”

But overall its a very dark but stimulating writing to me.

junie

When I first read this it reminded me a series that I am currently reading called “Wicked”.It’s a actiond romance. It may be YA but I think you should read it, there are some great insights into hating and loving someone at the same time. As to the piece I loved it. It seemed so true, it made a lasting image in my mind. Also it seems to flow well, and it seems like you put your heart and soul into this which gives it a lot a feeling and life. I liked it all in all.

a bit too cliche’ seeming.  i feel like you could have expounded a bit more on the root of these feelings. keep writing. may inspiration and creativity wrap you like a warm burrito.  

I like this, you create a picture with your writing where the reader can almost see it. Very deep and from the heart, overall great piece.