Poetry / The Scarlet Skirt

The tone of this poem is sort of. . . absent.  It doesn’t pack the punch I think it could.  The message is clear, the idea of a woman missing her youth, her sort of. . . femininity. . . but it feels as if the author is distantly sharing this, without passion.  It could be so powerful, with a little more passion.  The verse “she clings, for there are no others, just strident memories. . .”  doesn’t quite work.  It isn’t made clear that she’s clinging to those memories of past lovers, and why would she, if they left her?  We know that’s what it is she’s thinking of, but the way it’s worded leaves you looking for something more complete. . .I feel like there is a lot of promise here.  Sit back with it, and really become that woman, and find a way to insert more passion.  That’s the word that keeps coming back to me.  If this had more passion, it would really move me. . . but I like where it’s headed.  Very, very promising!

This is a good piece, without being oustanding, and reading this brings to mind two thoughts, both of a woman who’s reached the age where she loses all things physical about herself, either in the prostitution business-standing on the corner losing clients to the younger girls. second of a woman in a bar, eyeing up a man but who isn’t attracted to her physically. It does highlight tho that physical appearances is always the first thing any person looks at, despite what people say.

“The furrows beneath her eyes,
The sallow tinge to her hair,
The smokey aura around her faded lips.”

This descibes in good detail the flaws of age, and the use of the scarlet skirt as a means of trying to distract a potential man away from the face is always seen in and around us.
There isn’t anything after a few reads of this poem I can say detracts from the overall poem

Andy

I really enjoyed this poem, great content and description.  It might have been good to add a few lines to let the reader know where this takes place and describe a place that is desolate or war-torn where prostitution is the only means of making money.  The description of the woman makes your heart ache for her and you do not think of her as a prostitute, but a woman who has lost everything including her looks and her youth, I could easily visualize the scenario as she sat on a torn and tattered chair outside of her apartment that was now mostly rubble from age and war, beckoning men to notice her, probably a bottle of whiskey by her chair, half drunk, and a cigarette in her hand.  Very well done.

I like ‘No one and everyone notices’which suggests she is seen but doesn’t register with anyone anymore. This is a sad poem but all to true poem about the invisibility of mature women.

This is good, your words really convey the passing of youth with such a simple item as a skirt.  Unique and yet so real this is something we all can relate to as we will all experience aging.

A few humble suggestions:

1.  Second line of first stanza.  I would cap this just to stay in format, every other line is capped.

2.  The last two lines of your poem are very very powerful but for some reason the “own” used with skirt doesn’t seem powerful enough.

If you worded it as:

Her face was all she required —
She didn’t need a scarlet skirt.

seems to really drive that point home (to me anyway).

Regardless, excellent poem.  Love to read more of your work.

This is very good.  Strong imagery without the “sneezing thesaurus” effect.  The overall idea of the poem is clear—the woman who wears bright and revealing clothing in an attempt to recapture her lost (and possibly misspent) youth.  There’s a bit of sadness to the last stanza:

”...remembers when
Her face was all she needed—
She didn’t own a scarlet skirt.”

At any rate, I truly believe this poem is good enough to be published.

Thank you for putting your talent out there for us to read. Keep writing. I have a question though, am I to assume that the color scarlet equates to a life of prostitution, or does it mean that she was a loose girl who totally relied on her looks when she was young to get her by?

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August 05, 2007

by radar

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53	F	Clarion, IA	September 14

I was hoping to convey that she was once attractive and had a life but now, because of the aging process, she has to rely on cheap gimmicks to attract men. Not sure I conveyed that. I don’t normally write poetry. That came to me the other day so I put it out there. Kind of embarassing actually. I may take it off. Thanks so much for your review.

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