Thank you for the review. I’m glad you appreciate this kind of poetry as well. I started this style not too long ago and really liked it. I think for the mere fact that it isn’t so typical and perfect. Not many people on here appreciate it though. It seems everyone is a fan of the rhythm and rhyme. Thanks again!
Poetry / Tainted Love
I’m past the point of sorrow…
Why should something be so excruciating???
Especially when it may not have actually existed…
In a world in frayed with nothing but loneliness it becomes way too easy to imagine something instilled with perfection…
Love is just a word…
An illusion of the mind…
Something so many want to have…to feel…to believe…
“That love” that is pure and untainted….UNTOUCHABLE…
It makes life so much easier at times to believe in its “greatness.”
Theres a time to live….and a time to learn…
Maybe there’s even a time to give up…
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Tyrammafar reviewed Version 2 -
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Alright, I don’t really get this. It seems to be a little… unemotional… to me. Poetry is about emotion, I think, and I didn’t really feel anything here. Maybe you’re trying too hard? Or not enough? Oh well, I think you might be able to do something… what I read here is the truth, that’s for sure.
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RoadHousePress reviewed Version 2 -
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Ok, this is a free verse writing in a journal or on a blog that you want to turn into something? Well, I think the theme is there, and it would be interesting to see what was so excrutiating. Details. I would suggest writing out exactly what happened in your journal, to get it on paper. Then sit and stare at it. Pick and choose the details that show the pain. See what happens when you list a few of these details.. see if the words come.
Catastrophe reviewed Version 2 -
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The feeling of the piece comes through very clearly. I don’t think there’s any reason to explain what brought it about. In fact, I think that would actually be counterproductive. You’ve touched on a common lament, and by giving your own reason for it, you would be excluding those that arrived there by a different path.
I ususally don’t suggest major changes in poetry, simply because it’s a reflection of the author, and it is such a personal style of writing. That said, however, you may want to consider a title change. Those of us of a certain age will invariably try to sing your poem to Soft Cell, and it doesn’t work. ;)
aquaruischick reviewed Version 2 -
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This is a good poem. If you elaborate more on your feelings than it would be even better. Add details and examples of the sorrow you feel. Show us readers just don’t tell us. Keep up the great work.
Lin reviewed Version 2 -
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Love is many things to many people. Love is mysterious. Love is full of yearning as if an energy field is binding you to your lover or tearing you apart. Nice work. Keep jotting & the mechanics such as rhyme & rhythm will follow in due course. Sort out what you really want to say. Ideas come before execution.
Sinner26 reviewed Version 2 -
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This is my favorite kind of poetry. Not something you sat down and thought about writing but more so a collection of thoughts you had to get rid of. Clever title definitely fits the theme of things. Only part I would think about reworking would be “In a world in frayed ” It seems to slow things down a bit. Maybe “In a frayed world”? Just a suggestion. Great work.
MrEff reviewed Version 2 -
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This sounds more like prose than poetry, despite the ellipses. The attempt to ”just be you” is hampered severely by a complete lack of personal detail. However, the style is distinct. This submission might be improved by a little poeticizing.
SirSimms reviewed Version 2 -
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that was pretty sweet. at first i thought you were going at something sad, sorrow and what not. as i got through i realized you were talking about a woman. i can’t tell you how many times i’ve felt like this but the line ‘In a world in frayed with nothing but loneliness it becomes way too easy to imagine something instilled with perfection…’ really seemed to flow when i read it and honestly, that’s nienty percent of my infactuations. keep writing even if it was just something in your journal i dug it.
-sir simms.
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