Poetry / What is so wrong with me?

I think your already a good writer and keep up the more emotion type pieces. Although I do think you should write longer pieces. In longer pieces you get to understand the charectors better and then you feel more if something bad happens to them.

Watch out. Everyone critiques my poems because they rhyme. Well guess what I like the rhyme. I like this. Maybe a tad more feeling is needed. A bit more “abstract” words to make it pure poetry. None the less I understood and I think I felt the same way about a person 7 years ago and am my poems I try to express what you do here. Its a hard time to go through. The “being left behind.” Good work!  

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August 08, 2007

by kortneyrose

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
0	84.0% (75 votes)	100.0%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
25	F	Ada, OH	May 27

Yes, I have realized you can’t make everyone happy one here.  One person likes something in my piece that someone else doesn’t care for.  Thanks for the review though.

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thisis good i enjoyed the rhyme and flow of this work, very good keep on writing.

Very nice poem. Maybe add some exampes and details of why people runaway. What is the ugliness that hides?  You have a talent so, keep on writing and good luck

Line 1: I never said that.

Line 2: I never said that either.

Line 3: Of course I don’t. You’re putting words in my mouth.

Line 4: Forced; you say this as if ugliness can fit in one’s pocket.

Lines 5-8: Overwrought and cliche. Also, the comma after “person” should be omitted. Replace it next to “life” (replacing the period).

Lines 9-11: Overwrought, cliche, unremarkable.

Line 12: Go where?

Line 13: Show, don’t tell. What’s so hard, exactly?

Line 14: Well, yeah. That’s a given.

Line 16: “run away”, you mean. That’s two words.

I hate to say the word but ‘generic’ comes to mind after reading this. Not saying that this isn’t true. I completely understand the emotions and intentions of your poem, but this doesn’t come off as original. Etiquette and grammar are fine here, I would try thinking outside of the box. You almost have to remove yourself sometimes to better describe your situation. Still a great piece you convey your message very strongly through out. Thanks for sharing.

You say one of your goals is “to be understood.”  Well, you got that one dead on… This is probably a feeling familiar to everyone at some time or another (with the possible exception of those too in love with themselves to question how others see them).

You have a few small errors:  ”runaway” should be “run away,” and the apostrophe is missing from “what’s.”

brought me down, not that it’s bad. i was never really into sad writting but still i dig it and you sort of made me feel what you were feeling. i say keep your chin up bucko! and keep writting.

-sir simms.