Poetry / Tuesday

Strong imagery, smooth, and rich with meaning.  I like this.  What would seeming be a simple piece about a dark and still night, was artfully drawn into complexity by your ending.  I especially love last two lines, they push this poem from mediorce to excellent.

I like the idea here. I feel questioned as to whether tomorrow will see a peaceful day or a day of “God’s” menace. My thought is “will tommorow come” and this reminds me that we should take time to smell the roses. pun intended. :}

I have to say, under the circumstances this poem was written, it is excellent.  I could have written such a piece any better where I was constrained to using certain words.  Great job, I would love to see what you can write without the constraints of pre-selected words.

You m ost deffinitly have a talent worth shaping. It dies still need shaping, but not en extensive amount.
The poems seems to say that you are somewhat unsure of where you are going. The visuals are good, but could use some work.
But a great start.

Beautifully written!!! It has Great imagery!!! You have a Very Nice Rhythm and Flow going and have done very well with painting lovely pictures with very few words! Very Inspiring!!! Well Done!!!
{:-D

Really beautiful.
What were the required words, if you remember? It would be interesting to know.
I’m not sure about the “dank and moulding”... the words seem almost too gritty in contrast to the rest of the poem and seem out of place.

“flowers close their faces to the failing light”
^That phrase is wonderful

Great job.

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August 14, 2007

by PuppetGirl

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
29	76.7% (30 votes)	61.4%

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20	F	Logan, UT	November 21

I found my old notebook that I wrote this in, and I had written the words at the top of the page. So here they are: still, and, fragrance, hostile, again, god, savage, blue, tree, tuesday, fabric, dank, smile.

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This is really good I like it alot….it had great structure and great words used…very good use of adjectives….

This was pretty deep. I like it a lot! Flowers close their faces was a very good line! After -—>soft hue?<-—it was a little wordy so you may want to cut back some of the language--->down some lonely, hidden pathway long untrod<-—(as I really don’t know what untrod is?) But that would be my only suggestion.  

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August 13, 2007

by PuppetGirl

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
29	76.7% (30 votes)	61.4%

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20	F	Logan, UT	November 21

‘untrod’ was sort of forced for the rhyme…I’m not entirely happy with it, but haven’t been able to come up with anything better. It means un-walked-on.

August 17, 2007

by roxyrooroo

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28	F	United States	August 01

Got Ya!!!

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I don’t know how to evaluate this piece.  It was different,

‘The sun’s sweet smile has fallen into twilight’s blue
As flowers close their faces to the failing light.’

Is the best part of the poem, I think with a little more work on the words to bring them up to par with these two lines it would work better.

Usually I don’t really like such short poems, one almost feels cheated out of something when it just ends, often abruptly. I think this is great though, it’s short but doesn’t leave one with a feeling of incompleteness. Well done.

I do, however, have one pressing objection. “A savage God”? Are you angry with our wonderful creator? Do remember it is this very God, Father, that gives those beautiful flowers their wonderful attire. It is this very God who paints that beautiful blue hue of the air we so ungraciously breath. Nothing about our God is savage, He is the epitome of love!