Poetry / Love's Red Ocean (Analysis)
If love were an ocean
would I still brave the violent storm
to search for you?
As the waters of fear smashed my sail
would I turn back,
or die trying to reach you?
At times you are within my grasp
then the waves steal me away
telling of danger and harm
so I sail again toward you
only to be turned away in despair
when I grow tired of trying
and wish I could change course
the waters drift me closer to you
not close enough to touch you
but close enough
to stir my heart once more
Once again begin my endless voyage
reaching only anticipation
but never coming aground
on affections’ sweet shores.
If you are a torturer
then you do your craft well
or do I run these jagged rocks
through my heart
of my own free will.
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Hmmm… Good, in that you sustained the metaphor throughout. Sometimes, though, it verges on overkill. I’d cut the “so I sail again toward you/only to be turned away” couplet… doesn’t add anything that isn’t already said. I’d cut the word “then” from the last stanza, and I’d end it with a question mark.
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