Journal, Diary, & Blogging / Thinking of David

Some experiences will never leave you, to of lost a brother to a callous murderer so young must of been difficult for you and your family. It must make you take stock of your own life often.

I find it strange that you don’t mention much about your parents, like how could they not buy him a tombstone, and how was your brother malnurished, Did he go missing, was he kidnapped for a while before his death. These are the things that as outsiders to your pain will be interested to know about.

Paragraph three seems a little disjointed-When I came back here two years ago I found these sad monuments- then following with his school and the houses.  Maybe describe the thoughts and feelings you have when you see these places. But I know that your memories will effect your writing to a degree. Maybe the description of the murder scene could be in a para on its own, followed by the buildings bringing back child hood memories.

I think you describe your thoughts and feelings well, overall it is well written.

It’s always hard to expose this kind of pain and then to know that you will be citiqued on it. I found several typos but I can’t bring myself to be cold-hearted enough to point them out. I lost two of my brothers as well--one to suicide and one to drowning--they were both very young. I want to tell you that you are very brave for putting this out there and that you, in a matter of two minutes, have inspired me to maybe start working on a piece about the tragedies in my own family. I commend you, and I’m sorry for the violent, seemingly meaningless way you had to lose your brother.

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August 15, 2007

by darkpoet

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Thank you I have found some and just haven’t been able to get to them

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That’s tragic. I feel as if you are living a life for him as well – you becoming the quiet kid – as if to honor the life that was not permitted to go on.

I don’t think you wish it to be cured, risk losing an important part of you. It is tragic, but you’re the only person who remembers this kid to those around you. You’re the only person who can speak of this human being no one else knew existed.

thanks for sharing a short snippet of David’s life with us.

This is so incredibly heart wrenching. I absolutely HATE that human beings are capable of such atrocities. (I was a foster child once, myself) You described these painful memories and heartache very well.. And your choice of simplistic wording draws the reader into this story. I would say a journal well done.

Brevity is to be applauded wherever it is found in writing. Too many writers seem to like the look of their words on paper as much as some speakers seem to keep talking, just to hear the sound of their voices. This story could use a few more details, even if only hinted at, in order to clarify a few nagging points that leave too much to the imagination. The passage about cowboys and Indians, about how you adopted his quiet nature after his death was spot on. The first line of the last paragraph, about saving paper route money to buy his tombstone, is the soul of wit. nice job.

That is very haunting and I can’t imagine living with that. I am very sorry. But I guess it is good that you acknowledge your feeling about it and let them out instead of jamming them in the back of your head.

I am sure that he knows that you love him and that he is looking down at you from heaven. It took a lot of guts to open yourself up like this for the public to see. Just remember that God has a plan for each of us no matter what path in life we take.