Poetry / lunch break

i don’t eat. i live off of dead dreams.

sloppy wet dripping a blue
dark as midnight rainstorms
passing through a starless sky

moonlight peaking through
presenting a cream beacon
kissing slick surfaces

soaking into ivory bones-
a prism reconstructs white light
-divide-multiply-replicate

birthing new blood – placentaless
mitochondria – creating new energies –
moments cascading into points

of complacency, beyond jeopardy
in a centrifuge spinning off kilter
separating densities

a muddy stratification between
hope, fear, patience, ambition, foolishness
sitting atop each other – with water color clarity

coal like, shovel abstractions in
this heart is a new engine –
with cold fusion processes

what else could sustain me?

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Reviews

February 22, 2009

beysshoes

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
259	90.6% (64 votes)	35.6%

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Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
51	F	Mountain View, HI	February 12

beysshoes reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

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June 23, 2008

gbryananderson

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
283	69.1% (94 votes)	49.0%

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Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
49	M	Neenah, WI	February 27

gbryananderson reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

This poem has great potential, in that I want to rewrite it. But I have strict corrections. If I had a pen I would be slashing but keeping the meat intact. Of course I want your revisions, so spend a few credits for this and message me for more indepth critique.

i donâ€™t eat. i live off of dead dreams.

sloppy wet dripping a blue
dark as midnight rainstorms
passing through a starless sky

I live off the dead
sloppy midnight dreams
passing rainstorms
starless skies…

enough…drop me a message and I’ll give you a full critique or just call me a jerk!

Blessings,Gregory