Thanks for pointing out my errors and for commenting.
Poetry / Daddy's smile
i love his laughter
the way it travels from his stomach and break free
the way all of life’s troubles just
melt away for a second…
he is so beautiful
inside and out
I love the way
he closes his eyes and just seem to
savour
the laughter
oh i wish i could in that moment
be just
like him
I love how his eyes
closes
and his wide benign smiles
breakes above the surface
and then you just feel
like you’ve been blessed
with the sun smiling down on your joy
for the first in
Years…
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Jacquie reviewed Version 1 -
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How very sweet thayou feel so strongly about him and I liked this – it made ME smile. I think the only language I don’t understand is ”...and his wilde benign smiles” I am not so sure that is what you really wanted to say. It takes away the meaning of the smile, or the warmth of the smile or something. It just isn’s a good use of words. Other than that it was nicely done. Hope you find some help out here and continue with your work. Good Luck and keep on.
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LMPATE reviewed Version 1 -
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I really enjoyed this. I love when someone can enjoy a good laugh and it seems to come from their soul. He sounds like someone I would love to know. You had one typo: “breakes above the surface” should be breaks. Keep writing; you have talent.
AmyWalker reviewed Version 1 -
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I love this because it makes me think of our me and my father are and it makes me appreciate my dad more.
So I love it, its awesome stuff.
I look forward to reading more of your stuff.
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