Poetry / Fix Me, Whiskey
Fix Me, Whiskey
(The Jack Daniel’s Poem)
11/30/05
I’ve wept all the days long. And I’m sure tonight will be the same sad song.
Where all the pleasures of darkness are tasteless-
and anyone who dares to care, is faceless.
I can’t help but fear, that I’m living off of borrowed time-
when I want nothing more than this time to be mine.
This fine cabinet I peer into, holds you so tightly-
as if pressing my lips against you, would be unsightly.
Fix me, Mr. Jack Daniel’s. Lay gently in these tired hands tonight.
And for this one infinite hour, make all wrongs by me, right.
I’ve chosen you to take my pain away.
Get me through this night, so maybe I’ll see a better day.
You burn so good, as you fall into me- and I yurn for only you.
-For another taste- of the shallow state of joy you bring me to.
I drink you down as if I’m breathing you in.
For the unforgiven, for me- feeling so good must be a sin.
Yet, bring me my sin again- Til, I feel nothing down to my fingertips.
And again- Til, I push you away and your kiss still lingers on my lips.
Numb my pain, wipe my tears and blind my eyes.
Still… keep this act of weakness between you and I-
And fix me, Jack Daniel’s- with a drunken ‘guise.
Race through my veins; Collapse them if you choose.
Living on stolen moments has, for sure, set me up to lose.
So fix me, Jack- tonight, let me be your muse.
Let me drown in your toxicity as it kisses me.
Overflow my system, as if you had missed me.
Kill me softly- and fix me, Jack Daniel’s whiskey.
On my dreaded tomorrow- close the door.
Conquered- Lay me where my sorrow meets sanity- on the cold wooden floor-
And fix me, whiskey- fix me, til I am no more.*
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Damn… Im speechless… give me a second… ... ... Have you ever seen the movie Deep Cover? It has Lauren Fishburn in it as an undercover agent that becomes a drug dealer and blah, blah, blah. Anyway, whoever wrote the script throws in a few poems as dialog, so Laurence Fishburn sometimes talks in poetry. When I read this poem, I heard that deep, wallowing in a comfortable sorrow’s voice. It was calm yet depressed, conceding to sorrow while looking forward to the happiness that it knows the fix can provide. It was lonely but at the same time felt itself speaking for more than just itself, it’s own worries and sorrows. The voice knows that though lonely, it’s speak on behalf of an epidemic, a collection and wide range of people that have only the same “Mr. Jack Daneils”, in whatever form he takes, to look forward to.
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Good job! I think i have had many of the same feelings with gods nector!
The title doesn’t work. It should be “FIX ME, STRUNK & WHITE”
You Misused the apostrophe in the title and throughout the piece.
Archaic language, stilted and forced sentence structure. (i.e. “This fine cabinet I peer into) – why not “I peer into this fine cabinet” ? It doesn’t make it sound better to switch it around, and it doesn’t make it seem more poetic.
Cliches:
“all the days long”
“same sad song”
“pleasures of darkness”
“can’t help but fear”
“borrowed time”
“want nothing more than____”
“pressing lips against”
“holding tightly”
“making wrongs right”
“drinking down”
“down to my fingertips”
“breathing someone in”
ETCETERA
The Romeo and Juliet allusion doesn’t work. (Bring me my sin again). It feels like you copied it, not paid it homage. Same thing with the “Killing me Softly.”
Oh, and it’s “YEARN” not yurn.
Good Idea, poor execution.
some of it was kind of cliche, but i gave you a 7 because i’m still recovering from my little binge with sir jack daniels from a few nights ago – i def feel for this and while it wasn’t the finest piece of poetry i’ve ever read, it did evoke emotion and remind me how i felt BEFORE i took the first sip. thanks dear i really enjoyed this – thanks for sharing. awesome piece of work.
This is very original. I liked the fact that you wrote it “to” Jack Daniels. It was rather interesting to read this. I enjoyed every moment of it. Because I do believe in essence you have captured an alcoholics thoughts and wants. Of escape; of numbing the bitter pain. There were a few typos and things that I thought would make it flow better.
Instead of, “I can’t help but to fear”, I thought it would sound better if you erased the “to” and make it say, “I can’t help but fear”.
And also, “yurn” should be “yearn”. I think those were the only two things I would suggest.
Brilliantly done!
I like this. It’s very intuitive. This is a very good poem. The rhyming makes it run smoothly. It can be very true to some people. It has a very good storyline to it. The mood is perfect for this type of poem. It’s almost sad but more sympathatic. It’s not too long that it loses the reader’s interest but it’s not too short that it’s not worth reading. Very nice.
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