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Sci Fi & Fantasy / Legends of Old Karel Chapter 12
Liyen crossed the darkened cloister, glancing up at the clear night sky, then passed through the archway and walked slowly up the stone flagged corridor beyond. She stopped before the door to the Abbess’ office and wiped damp palms on her rough, linen habit. Taking a deep breath, she knocked once on the heavy oak door, and then seizing the iron ring she twisted it and walked through. The Abbess was seated behind a cluttered desk. To her left Master Nuntec stood rubbing his hands in the heat of a fire that jumped and danced merrily in its place. Liyen walked slowly through the door and stood before the desk, silent, awaiting instruction.
The old woman looked up from the papers she had been studying, her eyes crinkling in a gentle smile. “Welcome, my child. Thank you for coming so promptly. I trust you are recovered somewhat? Are you able to talk to Nuntec and me for a short while?”
“Of course, Mother Abbess. I have spent many days in contemplation within the temple. Thank you for the allowing me the time to do so.”
“I felt it necessary, child. The stones of the temple are old, and it is a peaceful place. Somehow, it always seems to be to be the most real and solid place I know. The stones comfort one, they understand a person’s needs, I think. The spirit of Marus is on them and in them.”
Nuntec turned at the sound of her voice, his large eyes luminous in the firelight, “Ah, yes. Real and solid. That is it. Exactly, Mother Abbess. Exactly. It is important to appreciate what is solid. There is much in the world that is not as solid as we might think. Much that deceives us.”
He stepped forward and studied the young novice carefully. “To talk about troubles. That’s the thing, the best thing. Yes, we must all talk, all say what’s on our minds, eh?” He rubbed his hands more briskly, “There is much that needs to be talked about, much of significance”.
“I am not sure what to say, Master Nuntec” Liyen said. “The man from the ship simply hit Lady Marwenna with his club. I think she was dead on the instant. Marik seemed to fly at him, and laid his throat open with a knife. There was blood everywhere, people shouting.” She paused for a moment and swallowed hard. “I do not know where Marik went, I cannot understand it. He must have been taken, seized by the sailors. “
“Ahh, is that your thought? But why no trace of him? Not a sign. The Reeve sent a report. Most detailed. Oh, yes it told a great deal. No-one left the quayside, only Marik vanished. Marwenna was clubbed down. Marik attacked her murderer. All were startled, scared, but none saw any one run or move away. Yet, Marik simply disappeared. How can that be?”
Liyen looked at him helplessly, “Master Nuntec, Mother Abbess, I swear I do not know. But that is what happened, the Reeve is telling the truth. It was like magic, but that cannot be. He must have been spirited away in the confusion. There was so much shouting, so many men rushing around…” She broke off and fell silent, her eyes downcast.
“Daughter,” said the Abbess, “we have the Reeve’s report. He had men around the inn, trouble was expected. They say no-one left. You must have been the one who was nearest the three of them; Marwenna, Marik and this sailor. Surely you remember something?”
“Holy Mother, I was stood by Lady Marwenna’s side, as that brute struck her. She simply collapsed. It was the most horrible thing I have ever seen, but it was the sound that was the worst. I heard her skull break. Then someone pulled me out of the way and Marik came past and then there was blood everywhere. I lost sight of him then, and never saw him again.”
Liyen felt her voice begin to tremble and she kept her head bowed, fighting back the tears that threatened to shame her. There was a moment’s silence, then the Abbess stood up, stepped round the desk and placed a gentle hand on top of her head. “My child, you have done well. Marus will bestow blessings upon you”.
The hand pressed her hair and a powerful presence infused her; spreading a comforting warmth through her body, wiping away her fears and shame.
“Nuntec, the things sent by the Reeve with his report are on the table over there. Please, would you fetch them?”
The Healer moved, obedient, to the table, picked up a long crutch and another smaller object, the returned.
“Now, my dear,” said the Abbess, “can you tell me about this crutch? It was Marik’s, wasn’t it? Do you know where he got it from?”
“I think it is one of them. I don’t know where it came from, Holy Mother. He had it with him that morning. He bought them, and the clothing. At least, I thought he must have, we asked him, but -” She reached out and took the crutch from Nuntec. It looked like the one Marik had had, but the warmth, the sense of life she had felt when she had held it at the inn was gone. It was merely a piece of wood. She ran a hand along the shaft, feeling its unblemished smoothness.
“But, it’s different” she said, her voice betraying puzzlement. “It looks the same, but it feels different.”
“Different?” Nuntec broke in. “What is different?”
“Before, when I held it at the inn, it felt different. It felt almost as if it was alive, then. It was warm. And there was some sort of pattern, I thought at first it was writing, along the shaft, that’s not there now. But, the rest, the way it seems grown not carved, that’s the same. The staining is new, but I suppose that’s blood from the sailor that…that Marik killed?”
“Alive, you say? Pattern?” Nuntec stopped and closed his eyes. “Child, can you remember the pattern?”
“Only that it was a pattern of lines, groups of lines, really. Long lines and short lines side-by-side all mixed in a group, then a gap and then some more. Different patterns in each group, all along the outside of the shaft.”
Nuntec and the Abbess looked at each other, plainly startled.
“Holy Mother,” the healer began, but Hilbara cut him off, “Yes, Nuntec” she said. “We must take this thing to the temple. Perhaps more will be revealed to us there.”
Nuntec bowed his head, then passed the other object he had fetched off the table to Liyen, and she took hold of it curiously. It was a flat, oval-shaped stone, deep brown in colour, shiny and hard. One half of the rim had been worked and chipped to a fine, razor-sharp edge whilst the other was gently rounded. It fit snug in her hand with the sharp edge outermost.
“Have you seen this before?” he asked.
“No, never. Nor anything like it. What is it?”
The Abbess answered, “It is a tool, such as used by the wild-men who live in the wilderness beyond the Whitewater River. It takes great skill to make such a thing. You are sure you have not seen it before?”
“Never, Holy Mother. Is this what Marik used on that sailor?”
“As far as we can tell, yes.”
The Abbess stood up, and looked at Nuntec, “We must take that crutch to the Temple, and I think that stone knife should come too. Come, both of you.”
Liyen followed behind as the Abbess led the way through a padded door in the far wall, beside a shuttered window. Frost crunched under her feet as they made their way along the path and then over cropped grass to the standing stones that formed the Temple itself. She shivered slightly, awed as always by the stark simplicity of the tall stones, rough and undressed, arranged in a sweeping circle around a central pillar of smooth basalt. It was a familiar place to her, safe and comforting. The stone circle was the very centre, the beating heart of the huge Abbey that had grown around it over the centuries. She had known it since childhood, and had spent hours here each day since her return from Twyn, seeking the stones’ comfort. They moved a little way around the circle and then the Abbess stopped by one of the stones. “Come here, child,” she called. “There is something that I must ask you.”
Curious, Liyen moved quickly towards her.
“Tell me, daughter, have you made a close study of the stones themselves?”
“The stones, Holy Mother? I have known them for many years. I have spent time here in contemplation, much in the last few days.”
“I know, my child, but, how often have you felt the stones themselves, touched them, looked closely at them, studied their every inch?”
“I – I don’t know. I have touched them, sought their blessings, but I have never examined them.”
“Then, please, do so now. Start here. Tell me about the stone.”
“Your will, Holy Mother. The stone is tall, nearly three times my height. Is seems immovable, solid. It is cold to the touch, a little damp, it feels slightly gritty under my fingers. It seems slender, though it is thicker around than I can reach, perhaps twice as thick. It is not smoothed; it looks rough, un-worked, just as it lay in the earth; before it was set here.”
“Move inside the circle, Liyen. Examine the inner face.”
Liyen stepped forward, feeling the familiar sense of comfort as she did so. She faced the central obelisk for a moment and bowed her head, then turned, and looked closely at the inner side of the stone.
“It is the same, Holy Mother” she said, then paused, moving her head and letting the moonlight glance sideways off the stone. “Though, perhaps, there are some marks, ancient, worn. Yes, I can see. There are lines, groups of lines, long and short.” She swung round to face the Abbess, her eyes wide with shock, “These are like the markings on Marik’s crutch!”
The Abbess and Nuntec exchanged glances.
“You are sure? Sure they are the same?” The small healers voice was quivering with suppressed excitement.
“Yes. That is, they are the same sort. I do not know if they are identical – “
“No, no. No matter. But they appear to be the same in style. The way they group, the way they appear? Some short, some long, eh, the same style? You see them clearly?”
She nodded, “Yes, I would say so. But. What are they, how can I not have seen them before?”
“They are prayers, child”, said the Abbess. “And they are not visible to everyone. I have never seen them, nor has Nuntec. Though we have seen drawings of them, made by those fortunate, blessed of Marus, who have seen them. They are written in ancient script, script designed for carving into rock and wood. Older than parchment, older than pens or inks.”
She moved to Liyens side and held out the crutch. “Look again. Here, within the circle.”
Liyen took hold of the crutch, and a flicker of warmth passed from it to her hand. She bent her head and examined the wood of the shaft. “Yes, Holy Mother. I can see the marks, faint, but they are back. How can this be?”
Nuntec stepped forward quickly, hands flapping and reaching inside his robe. “Here, take these. You must copy the marks. Copy them directly. Quickly, close as you can. Yes. Make no error, child. Quickly, lest they fade.”
He handed her a small scroll of blank parchment and a wax writing stick, then peered excitedly at her while she copied the marks, stroke for stroke, group for group. When she had finished he grabbed the scroll from her and began to stare at it, muttering under his breath.
“Nuntec,” said the Abbess, “patience, please. It is cold here. But I have one more thing I want to test. Pass me that stone knife.”
The healer’s hand dived back inside his robe and fumbled for a second in some deep recess, then produced the stone. “Here, yes. Here it is. Look at it, Liyen. Are there marks on that too?
Liyen took hold of it and studied it for a moment. “Yes, there are. Though they may just be scratches.” She turned the knife over in her hand and then looked up, “But if so then the pattern is repeated on both sides, but opposite – there are just two lines on each side. The first is a long then a short; on the opposite side, reading the same way, there is a short then a long”
The Abbess shivered involuntarily as a chill breeze drifted through the stones. “Let us go back inside”, she said and started to turn towards the path.
“A moment, Holy Mother. Just a moment. There is a final object to look at. Yes, one that has worried me for some time. Please, Liyen. Tell us, what can you see on this?” He reached inside his robe again, and drew out a rough, fired-clay cup.
The marks seemed to jump out at her as Liyen studied it. “Yes, it also carries marks. The same as the knife; long followed by short on the outside, just here. ” She pointed at a place on the rim of the cup, and then at a point opposite, “And short then long on the inside, here.”
Slowly they made their way back over the grass and up the path back into the Abbess’ office. She closed the door firmly behind them, and gestured to the seats around the small table. When they were all seated she placed the crutch on the table, and Nuntec lay the scroll beside it, together with the knife and cup.
Liyen sat for a moment in silence, questions bubbling up inside her. She looked at both the Abbess and the Healer, who seemed each deep in thought, oblivious of her presence. Then the Abbess raised her head, “You have a gift, my child” she said simply.
“You mean seeing the marks? Holy Mother, I don’t understand. Why can I see them and not you, or Nuntec? You are Abbess here, surely if these marks are prayers to Marus then you should be able to see them, not me?”
“As I said, Liyen, it is a gift. Only a few in each generation can see the marks. But, it is a gift with a purpose. All who do see them have a task given them by Marus. What yours may be child I do not know, but task you will be set.”
“A task? Holy Mother, I – I do not know what to say. My service is yours, whatever you want of me…”
“It is not I who shall set the task, dear one, Marus himself will make it known to you. How or when I do not know. But when he does, you will know. That is all that matters”
Nuntec cleared his throat, and picked up the parchment. “We have drawings of the marks. The marks on the stones. Many drawings. Made by gifted ones. Many have seen, over the years. They are prayers to Marus. We know the words of the prayers. The words we use today. You know them. Oh, yes. You speak them. In your devotions. I have studied the drawings over many years. Drawings of the stones. Drawings of other marks in other places. Much is unclear, but much can be read. We know each group of lines is a word. One word for a group. We know the words that appear in the prayers, and some patterns we can guess. Only guess. But the prayers use so few words. There are more words we do not know. So many we cannot know.”
The Abbess leant forward, intent. Her eyes fastened on the healer’s. “Can you read the marks on the crutch, on the knife?”
The old healer swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing convulsively. “In part, Holy Mother. Only part. But also, I know the prayer on the stone. The stone you asked Liyen to look at.”
The Abbess’ eyes remained fast on his and Liyen seemed to see a fear in both of them, and neither spoke. The words burst from her, “Nuntec, please I must know. what are the words on the crutch?”
“They speak of healing. I cannot read all. But look, that group means ‘health’; and here just beside it ‘strength’. Then later ‘strength’ again. Then this, ‘steadfast’. It is a blessing, I think. Though I can see no mention of Marus. None. Then look, here at the beginning. Is that the sign from the knife? And its opposite, right at the end?
Liyen nodded, silent.
The Abbess drew a wrinkled hand over her eyes, “Nuntec, what do think it means?”
“It is an answer, Holy Mother. The answer to a question that troubled me. It is a blessing for health and strength. And it seems powerful. Most powerful. Marik should not have had the strength. Not enough by half to get downstairs, unhelped. It was always impossible. Then to walk – unaided through the town. Not possible. It could not be. I have worried about this for nights. But this. He had help.”
“Help, Nuntec, from whom. There was no-one there but Marwenna and Liyen. Are you saying that Liyen…”
“No! Oh no. Not Liyen, Holy Mother. Oh no. Consider the cup.”
“Ah, yes. Where did that come from, Nuntec? I do not remember it among the things sent back from Twyn.”
“It was not, Holy Mother. It was at Marik’s bedside. I found it. On the table. Just sitting on the table. The day he woke. I thought it strange. Most strange.” He turned towards Liyen, “You thought bought them? The clothing and the crutches?”
“Yes, Master Nuntec. Or, that is, he did not deny it. We thought you had given him his purse. You said you were going to.”
“I did. Very light it was. No gold. A few silvers. Only silver and copper. Not enough, not by half. Not for one crutch such as this. Not near enough for two. And clothes, shoes. Oh no.”
“Then whence came the clothes, the crutches? How did he pay for them if not with money? Is there some mysterious benefactor?” The Abbess sounded frustrated, “I need answers, Nuntec, not more questions!”
“Abbess, The Book of the Stones? It is here? In your office?”
” The Book! Yes, of course. Why?”
“It may help. Help with an answer.”
The Abbess rose, walked over to the shelving on the far wall, and took down a heavy bound book. Clasping it to herself she walked back then laid it on the table, where Nuntec opened it and flipped quickly to page near the beginning.
“Holy Mother, the stone. The stone you showed to Liyen. It was that one. Why did you choose it?”
“I didn’t, or, not really choose, it was simply the one we were stood beside.”
“There is a drawing. Look, on the page. There is the stone, drawn, as each is. The prayers are written down. Written as the marks show, and as we say them. You can see, but this stone has a drawing of something else. Look.”
He placed a slender finger, with large swollen knuckles onto the paper, just below a strange face, with hairy eyebrows and jutting tusks in its lower jaw.
“Nuntec, are you serious?” The Abbess’ voice was almost shrill with disbelief. “That is a story for children!”
“Mother Abbess, I am entirely serious.” The healer’s voice was calm, simple.
Liyen looked at the drawing and her face went pale. “Holy Mother, I have seen that face. Just for an instant. It was there, beside me that day. At the inn. It was there when it happened. I thought it was some strange pet of one of the sailors. It was there, I swear I saw it, just for a second, but so strange, I remember.”
She looked back at the open book, and began to read the prayer written underneath the drawing of the marks on the facing page.
“Marus give me strength to seek for that which is lost, that which carries our love and hope, and that which promises our salvation. Marus guide me and help me to see that which I can see and to use the wisdom that is by my side in my labour”.
“Yes child. That is the Stone of Hope and Salvation. You know the prayer, it is one of the cycle, as are all the Stone Prayers.”
Liyen stood slowly, her legs weak, and her hands pressed against the top of the table. “Yes, Holy Mother, I know the prayer. And now I think I know the task Marus has set me, the task you spoke of. I must go and find Marik. I must use the gift Marus gave to find Marik.”
“But, how can you, child? You can see the marks but – ” She broke off as Nuntec stood and placed his hand on hers.
“No,” he said, “she can see, but not read. I can read but not see. It is plain. Wisdom it says. Wisdom by her side. Marus sets us a task each.”
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Harold_P reviewed Version 2 -
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“The Book of Stones…” reminded me of the encyclopedia of pebbles I had to read when I was a young person (no word of a lie). The concept of this story is original and I was intrigued to see how the hierarchy played out in the story, sicne often the “bad” characters revolve around the good. Anyway…
Lady Marwenna was my favourite. A defiant and enigmatic character who you could break in two (with an axe).
Your ability to spindle tension and create tension is the finest talent. Although my words might sound insincere, I believe you to be a fine writer (even if this genre is not my thing).
Harold_P
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jfmalewitz reviewed Version 2 -
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I have read your stuff before. No fiction credits to my name, so consider that before making any chances.
“Liyen walked slowly through the door and stood before the desk, silent, awaiting instruction.” I saw a repetition here: “walked slowly” is said twice in one paragraph. Not a huge mistake, but I am looking for stuff you may not catch just doing a read through.
““I am not sure what to say, Master Nuntec” Liyen said. “The man from the ship simply hit Lady Marwenna with his club. I think she was dead on the instant. Marik seemed to fly at him, and laid his throat open with a knife. There was blood everywhere, people shouting.” She paused for a moment and swallowed hard. “I do not know where Marik went, I cannot understand it. He must have been taken, seized by the sailors. “” I think this paragraph might work better moved up. I say that because the conflicts, the interesting elements you bring in are found here. That is just another thought. I started skimming because nothing was happening, and then you got into the conflict instead of a discussion.
“Liyen followed behind as the Abbess led the way through a padded door in the far wall, beside a shuttered window.” This whole paragraph was well detailed. You are moving your characters well in that particular one, and I was interested. Just wanted to point out a positive.
This chapter is very strong. I read others and I can tell you are getting better as a storyteller. I would consider presenting the conflict a little earlier instead of playing with the dialogue. This chapter needs it because the reader will stay interested. However, you still need to build a world, which all stories need and I think you have an understanding.
Hope some of this helped. Thanks for letting me read it.
angelique_07 reviewed Version 2 -
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An interesting read and an intriguing story, but I think you can do more with the descriptions to draw the reader in more. As it stands right now, the descriptions you make throughout are very poetic, which I love, but I think you can go even further. I suppose I’m asking for more simile’s, metaphors, and adjectives… but hey, I’m just one reader. Watch someone else say there’s too many descriptions going on if you add to it.
Anyway, great job!
~Angel
Starwise reviewed Version 2 -
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The one thing I loved about this particular chapter was the dialogue. There’s two kinds of dialogue—trite and archaic, and fresh and natural. And yours is fresh and natural. It was easy picturing the characters as they spoke, plus they had their own defining characteristics while they spoke.
I would’ve liked to see a little more description of the setting since the dialogue was so bountiful throughout. Balance is pretty key. If it’s just dialogue, well, then it’s just dialogue, and a chapter with two or more characters without dialogue is dead. You need both. Think of it this way--how much of a pace do you want the dialogue to go? If you want it pretty fast, then lay off the description and exposition. However, if you seem to want the scene to progress slowly and contemplatively, then fit in some description to lay a background and visualization while they converse. It seemed to me that the way they were talking was nice and slow and dramatic with pauses. Convey that feeling with a little more description. You, however, painted pictures for all characters as they spoke quite nicely and richly--without overdoing it, I might add.
Nice job ending the chapter to move it forward as well, although I think I would juxtapose what Liyen said during the end there with what Nuntec said at the end. When Liyen says, “I must use the gift Marus gave to find Marik”, that seemed to be the defining moment that begs me to keep reading to find out what happens next.
Keep going forward with this—the characters are rich and round. Love it.
WriteUpZ reviewed Version 2 -
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This is extremely well written sir/madame.The discriptive writing is just amazing like here ” One half of the rim had been worked and chipped to a fine, razor-sharp edge whilst the other was gently rounded. It fit snug in her hand with the sharp edge outermost.”It reminds me of the Subtle Knife by Phillip Pullman.Have you read it before?I’m not saying you stole the idea but.Its just beautiful.Straight 10s across the board
Zeke
JadeMaree reviewed Version 2 -
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This is very interesting, and descriptive. The things you describe are very interesting and I would definitely like to read more. I would like to know what Liyen has to do to find Marik. I think I may be becoming a tad addicted to this story… Good luck with your goals. :)
ldeniseb reviewed Version 2 -
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First the information before reading helped alot.
“The Healer moved, obedient, to the table, picked up a long crutch and another smaller object and then returned.” (minor change to basic typo)
I really like the dialogue. You do a great job with that. Over all it seems pretty solid. I would suggest watching the length of some of your sentences. Like the on above you may want to break it up.
Try – The Healer moved obediently to the table. Then picked up a long crutch and another smaller object. With everything grasped firmly returned.
Just suggestions… Flow is off a little but that is probably me, I struggle with the formatting they put this in.
The only other thing I’ll mention is that it reminds me of Star Wars, I love that so … but that’s my opinion and when you think of the plot of Star wars lots of things follow that plot line.
I might even go back and just read the previous chapters because I do like it. (Accomplishment I hate reading Sci-Fi stuff, love to watch all kinds of it but hate the books.)
PeterPrince reviewed Version 2 -
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This just grasps my attention! I enjoyed this, it was the narration and the life that it honed. The only thing I would ask of you, would to fix the descriptions, to be exact add more detail, don’t mention useless things, but important information, I want to be thrust upon this world, but to do so I must have a whole image of it to be convinced.
andersonwilliam reviewed Version 2 -
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Very nice piece you have here. You have a great sense for communication. Your characters seem very real and fleshed out. They communicate well- not only to each other- but also to the reader. I think that your descriptive powers are a little weak at times but that is a far easier fix than conversation and dialogue and you do that just great. I got an excellent sense for the world they live in but only through what they say. I am a person who likes being told about a world too. All in all, very nice. Keep it up.
pittgilman reviewed Version 2 -
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Though I enjoy your dialogue I am not quite sure I understand what it is that is happening. It seemed to me like a strange amalgam of religious saturation and fantasy. The flow of the peice is well executed, it kept me interested, but more so because I was hoping to figure out what I was missing. Now I understand that this is the 12th chapter of something, this aside, I should still be able to grasp a general sense of atmosphere, character and plot structure from only one chapter. I do think you should keep writing by all means. Good Luck.
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