Poetry / Sapphire Life

Thank you!

Thank you, I am so glad you enjoyed it.  I also appreciate you sharing what you took from the poem.  Poetry is subjective and we all feel something different so I wouldn’t worry about what you thought I was expressing.

Thank you for reading,
Ravenn

Thank you!  I appreciate that you like the formatting.  I actually used it to help convey the feeling that she is on edge and close to slipping off.

Thank you for looking!

Ravenn

“one last time” – I use the word “one” in the next line so it was a toss up between using “a” and “one” in either place.  The “a” final breath seemed to fit better than “one” final breath.

Thanks for the review.
R

There’s no rule that you can’t use a word twice. Many do it purposefully for emphasis. Don’t limit yourself.

Thank you for your review.  Everyone loves the hopscotch line the most (including me).

I also tend to agree with you regarding the word “essence” as I have pondered that quite a bit. Thank you for pointing it out.  It helps me confirm that perhaps a better word can be found.  After just rereading it, I think the word “hope” would fit much nicer and convey the meaning of the poem more, thus making it stronger.

I would love your opinion.

Thank you for such a nice review and your advice.

Ravenn

Hope does fit better in that place. I had to reread it a few times, but yeah it’s definitely better there than essence.

Thanks!

Thanks for taking the time to review and provide input.

The words inside both the parenthesis which you inquired about are her ignoring the “voices” in the italic ones.

Make more sense now, or no?  I feel the very first stanza sets the tone of how she feels—as in needing to “feel” but cannot.

R.

Ah.. yes.. its strange but did you write them after you completed the main body, because read by themselves they almost create a rather macabe conversation. (Macabe is my word of the day btw)

I actually wrote it word for word as it is.   I’ve many changes everywhere except in the words in parenthesis – expect to move their placement around.

Go figure.  Macabre is always the word of the day!

Heh I’ll take bango as something good.  I’m glad you liked the poem.

Regarding your questions all I have to say in reply is…perhaps?

Now, here is where you promise me not to laugh.  (Promise!)  Although I know who ee cummings is, I’ve never read any of his poetry.

I had no idea this was akin to his style, I actually thought I came up with something unique (bangs head against wall).

I’ll apparently have to look at some of his poetry now.  I was striving for originality damn it!

R.

know one owns anything all we have is our imprimatur that we add to the mix trust me i’m sure ee probably took a bite off someone else!i liked the balloon man,and grasshopper,and one about buffalo bill an oft quoted line from the poem is “well how do you like your blue eyed boy mr.satan.as for originality some one reviewed my untitled story and thought that i’d ripped of some story written by the man whos name would one day become the basis for the word masochist!

That is a very cool quote.

Regarding the Marquis de Sade (whom I do find fascinating along with a handful of others) – are you trying to tell me something?  LOL

P.S.  Damn it, I will own something! ;)

well actually she was referring to an author by the name of Sacher Von Mashoch(ist)!live and learn to take,borrow steal good ideas though,you realize of course that know it or not,you stand on the shoulders of others
terry adams perhaps tolkien roald dahl maybe and a plethora of other writers I’m sure were at least your source of inspiration yes?

I will have to check out Sacher.  I personally adore Elizabeth Bathory – familiar with her?

My source of inspiration actually was myself.  I haven’t read adams, tolkien or any of the others you have mentioned.

I’m actually more of a horror/serial killer buff (wait til you read my short stories).

If you want to talk writers I truly admire – then we can talk Poe or Shakespeare, Shelly, Byron.  

I stand on no one’s shoulders – I’m buried 6 feet under ground ;)  I haven’t read anything of a horror/vampire nature since I started writing my novel – I do not want influences.  Rather I do research on folklore and come up with my own ideas (you’ll see what I mean when you read the stories).

Thank you for such a nice review.  I am glad you “fell” into the web of words, I love when I can capture people and let them experience as I do while I write.

I try and use different formatting because I hate being typical, especially when it lends to the meaning of the poem.  I’m glad you enjoyed it.

This poem haunted me, some days I wanted to delete it and send it into oblivion…this is THE final version. ;)

Thank you again for such sweet compliments.

Ravenn