Poetry / Summer Delights

Summer Delights
By: Sara L Rowley

Watermelons gliding along my skin.
Sweet pink juice, collects in my belly button.
Supply sticky and wet where have you been?

I selected our love nest at the inn.
Your words suffocate me and weigh a ton.
Watermelons gliding along my skin.

Ice crinkles and crackles as you pour a gin.
Hands delve into water of Lake Padden.
Supple sticky and wet where have you been.

Passion and sex drives are not a sin.
Hair wispy and silky soft as cotton.
Watermelons gliding along my skin.

My tongue dances along your shin.
Raspberry red squishy flesh once forgotten.
Supple sticky and wet where have you been.

Plush lips kiss the gentle curve of your chin.
I dream of a paradise created by Milton.
Watermelons gliding along my skin.
Supply sticky and wet where have you been?

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September 30, 2007

JilLLiO

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0	100.0% (1 votes)	100.0%

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Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
27	F	Aiea, HI	October 10

JilLLiO reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

I’m not sure if iambic pentameter is something you would want to use with this, and I would suggest reading it aloud if you’re looking for a particular rhythm. The use of punctuation in conspicuous places may help achieve what your goal. I like the resonance of the opening lines throughout the piece. They leave the lingering impression of summer throughout – like you would reminisce about a summer romance. I think it’s appropriate when viewed from that perspective. In a future draft, perhaps ignore trying to fit it into a rhythmic scheme and really play upon the sensuality? I do sense a loss of consistency in the lines about suffocating words, Lake Padden, and Milton; they are not so tactile and quite a bit more “telling” than “showing.” You may consider placing them differently or take a physical feature associated with those to better develop images like you do in other places. I liked this piece. There’s a lot of potential for it because of the images and the mechanisms you used to keep the consistency throughout. It would be a good challenge to develop it.

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October 01, 2007

by sarafarey

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160	93.0% (57 votes)	22.0%

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28	F	Portland, OR	October 18

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This is called a villanelle. I think I spelled it incorrectly. The poem is a structured piece where the first and last line repeat through 5 stanzas and create the last two lines of the final stanza. Part of the structure is to keep the rhyming throughout the whole piece. It’s also suppose to be in iambic pentameter, and sadly enough I have never been able to figure out iambic pentameter. It’s really embarassing to admit, but I just can’t figure it out.

October 04, 2007

by JilLLiO

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0	100.0% (1 votes)	100.0%

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27	F	Aiea, HI	October 10

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Shakespearean poems are a good place to start…I’ll get back to you on that. :) I’m familiar with the structure, but the rhyming does seem a bit forced as you try to adhere to it. I’m sure you can do it!

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September 06, 2007

Kuraianubis

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0	100.0% (1 votes)	100.0%

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19	F	Edwardsville, IL	April 25

Kuraianubis reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

It may need a little tweaking, but overall I love it. Besides the words like “Lake Padden and Milton” the poetry creates an playful erotic little scene in my head.

You worded it right to mix the idea of fruits..and flesh. Makes me hungry ;)