Romance / Dance Through Life - Part 2

                The Date – No, the Dinner Not a Date

Everything, I can’t have by Robin Thicke pulsating salsa beat triumphed throughout Gracie’s home as she blew out the candles and opened the windows of her house to let the fresh summer breezes defuse the scent of roses that generally dominated her home.   Dinner was warming and Gracie wanted her dinner’s scent to be want danced in the air with the breeze.

Gracie’s golden brown face was cleaned of makeup except mascara and a light shade of lip gloss and she had her black hair with it’ brassy auburn streaks tied back in a neat hair clip in the back.  This was a feat as her hair was chin length and took hair cream and a small amount of gel to get it to cooperate.  It was time to go to the hair dresser or a relaxer touch up to her wavy roots.  

Gracie was in her bedroom putting on a small pair of red crystal cylindar shapped earrings and had just slipped feet into her ruby studded thongs when she heard the doorbell ring.  Giving herself one last quick look at her face she smiled making her light amber eyes sparkle and applied a light spray of her rose scented body mist she left her room and touched the door handle to open it just as Ronnie rang a second time.

Gracie opened the door just but did not take her hand off of it nor did she move to let him enter.  She smiled and said, “Good evening.”

Ronnie, after a brief surprised look, smiled back and said, “Hey Gracie.”  He saw his beautiful Grace dressed casual chic and not in a slinky evening dress as he had imagined her to be in.  She was far too beautiful to him to be dissapointed.

Gracie still smiling took all of Ronnie in, from his fresh hair cut and close smooth shave to his silk black dress shirt that clung to his every muscle.  She liked how his dress pants fit with a not too loose look and grazed over his black leather dress shoes.  His thick black eyebrows framed the top of he eyes with pupis so dark they looked black and long thick lashes that made him look almost pretty but his hard jaw line stopped that from being the case.  He was dressed for a date.  The bottle of wine and flowers topped off his date look.

Ronnie’s brief surprised look was due to Gracie’s casual appearance.  He thought this was a date not just dinner hanging with a friend.  He saw that Gracie did give attention to her appearance as her outfit hugged all the right places but she didn’t have her hair done with her usual curls and her face wasn’t as he had always seen it when she came home from work with makeup.  The scent of pink roses did whiff through the air but he wasn’t sure even if it was on her or just the scent of her home.  She looked fresh, shower fresh and comfortable.  The confidence she exuded was there even when she was not all made up in her professional attire.

Ronnie was pleased and Gracie could see that but she wasn’t letting him in till he asked.

“So, is dinner being served on the front porch?” Ronnie asked with humor in his eyes.

“I’m not fond of mosquitoes so I’ve set dinner up in the sunroom,” Gracie said

“I can’t get to the sun room with you blocking the entrance of the door,” Ronne said.

“Then figure out how to move me,” she said with daringly.

Now Ronnie new he could pull a smooth move and walk up on her and with a kiss while backing her away from the door entrance.  He also figured he’d come off sexually hungry and would turn her off.  He opted to go with a simple request.

“May I please come in Gracie?” he asked.

Gracie leaned forward and kissed Ronnie on the cheek and said, “Thank you for letting me give you a hard time.  Of course you can come in!” She moved from the entrance and let him in.

Gracie walked Ronnie into her well lit home.  The light breezes that blew in caressed the sheers that hung from the large windows in her home.  They went to the sun room where Ronnie was slightly disappointed not to see the round supper table that usually was in the room with 4 chairs.  It was over in the corner with its chairs stacked next to it and on the floor was a huge round rug with a short wooden structure covered with a purple satin cloth, elevated just enough for people sitting on the floor to use as a table.

There were large, brightly colored imbroidered pillows all around it and beautiful stoneware dinner setting for two was on it.

Gracie could see from his expression something was wrong.

“You don’t like it do you?” she asked.

“It’s beautiful Gracie,” he answered with a grateful smile.

“But?” she asked raising one eyebrow.

“But nothing,” he answered clapped his hands and rubbed them in a motion of excited preparedness.  “Let’s eat.”

Gracie walked up to Ronnie entering his personal space and looking him straight in his eyes asked. “You can tell me or I can tickle it out of you.”

Ronnie laughed.  As appealing as the idea of being tickled by Gracie was, he thought it ludicrous of her to use it as a way to get information from him.  As ludicrous as him sitting on the floor in his good dress pants to eat dinner.

“Why the floor Gracie when there is a perfectly good table over there to eat on?  I’m all clean and you’re putting me on the floor.”

It was Gracie’s turn to laugh and she did.  “Nobody told you to get all dressed up to come over here.  It’s a simple chicken dinner with pudding for desert not lobster and cream bru le.”

Gracie stepped back and away from him opening a way to the table.  “Sit down and roll them sleeves up and tuck one of them napkins in your shirt and relax,” Gracie ordered with warmth in her voice.

Ronnie smiled, shrugged and did what he was told as Gracie went to get the dinner from the stove and place it on a trivet that was on the floor next to their intimate table for two.

The dinner went well and Ronnie enjoyed himself after he got over the idea of getting wrinkled.  He found when dinner was over and he rose from the table to helped her put everything in the kitchen that he wasn’t as wrinkled as he thought he’d be.  He helped her load her dishwasher after rinsing them and she put the pillows back in the window seat of the bay window room that the sunroom resided.

“Let’s sit out on the back porch a bit,” Gracie suggested as she pulled the pudding parfait’s from the refrigerator.  It was a screened in porch she had built on to the back of the house due to her love of being outside but hated misquitos.

They sat on swinging on the glider seat as they talked.  Ronnie spoke of the contract work he had and some of the wonderful restorations he was privilege to be a part of and head.  Gracie talked about her love of Spanish culture from the food to the flamingo guitar music she’s been playing the past 3 years and her goal of traveling to every Latin culture she could.  She has already been to Mexico twice, spent 2 months in Spain and spent a summer in Brazil.

“Look at you girl, that’s a lot of traveling,” Ronnie said and added, “I’ve only been to one Latin land.  I went every summer throughout college for Spring break.”

“Really where was that?”

“Miami,”

They both laughed at the truth of those words.

“So will you play me something?” Ronnie asked, “Which guitar should I bring you?” Ronnie asked the last question because in every room except the kitchen and bathroom Gracie had a classical guitar hand crafted from the countries she visited.  In the sunroom alone she had 3.

“Not tonight Ronnie, another time.”

“So there will be another time?”

“That’s totally up to you Ronnie.”

Ronnie thought about this for a moment.  Then in a coy voice asked, “So when do you want to make dinner for me again?”

“I will tell you what I want to do.  I want to take a walk Ronnie.  Will you walk with me around the block?”

“Sure.”

They walked quietly at first around the block.  Ronnie noted it was a very long block, that he estimated was a mile round trip.

“How long is this block walk?” he asked, more to start conversation again.

“A mile and three quarters,” Gracie answered.  I run it twice each morning.
It’s my twenty minute workout.”

“I hit the gym about 4 days a week myself,” Ronnie said and then confessed.  “I know I should do more aerobically but weights and toning with my mat workout is all I have patience for.  I guess the bike riding I do is aerobics.”

“Definitely,” Gracie agreed. “How often do you ride?”

“Once or twice a week, as it is my weekend thing,” Ronnie answered and went on.  “I ride with a couple of my buddies from college that still lives in town.”

“Wow that’s great you all keep in each others lives that way.  I never went to college so I never got to form those sort of bonds.”

“No way,” Ronnie said now truly shocked by this news, “I would have thought you went to college.”

“I did temp work straight from High School and got all my training on the job. When the computer industry took off, I taught myself how to work the most used applications and I got fortunate to get jobs where I was trained on servers and minor computer coding and application designing.  I learned enough to get where I am working for the number one law firm in the world.  I’m studying Project Management to make it to the next phase of my climb up the corporate ladder.

“I know I am doing things the long hard way but, I liked to have fun with my friends to spend another 4 to 8 years in school after high school was out of the question.   So I worked part time and on temp jobs the first 5 years after high school.”

“Well good for you Gracie.  Living by your own rules is something I can respect.”

They walked a few mores steps in silence getting closer to Gracie’s home.

It was there that Gracie saw a figure approaching quickly from across the street.  

“Gracie honey, Gracie,” Lexy called waving frantically.  

“Oh dear,” Gracie sighed annoyed.

“What is it?” Ronnie asked intrigued as he could see the scantily clad woman wobbling toward them.  “You don’t want me to meet your neighbors?”

Gracie nudged him in the ribs and whispered, “Find a way to rescue me if this last more than 2 minutes.”

Ronnie took the hint and went up the driveway, pretending to take a call on his mobile as Gracie and her neighbor met at the apron of her driveway.

“Oh, Gracie Honey,” Lexy whined embracing Gracie as though they were close companions.  “Lucky ran off again.  I just don’t know what to do with that dog.  He’s a runner you know.”

The smell of liquor greeted Gracie before her alcoholic neighbor. Gracie patted her back and gently pulled the emotional woman off of her.  “Well, Lexy as I said before you need a higher gate than you have and a stable one that actually locks and not pressure rod gate.”

“Yeah you buy me one and I’ll put it up,” the stay at home and collect alimony and child support for one 17 year old child, never working a real job woman replied back with a laugh.  

“That is funny,” Gracie said laughing with her.  

Lexy stopped laughing and looked serious and said,  “I saw you were taking a walk and I wondered maybe you saw him.”

“Awe, no I am afraid I didn’t.” Gracie said with real concern in her voice.  She hated the thought of an animal wondering the streets as it may become a victim of a car.  Even living with a crazy owner was better than wondering the streets looking for food.

“I got to go find him.”

“Lexy, maybe you should put some clothes on first.  That nighty can be seen right through when you pass under the street lights.  You don’t want some weirdo messin with you.”

“I should be so lucky,” Lexy laughed again at her own non funny joke.  She stumbled away calling for her dog.

Gracie walked up her driveway to join Ronnie who had ended his fake phone call.  “I really can’t stand that woman.  She is everything in a woman that I can’t stand.”

“Well it’s a good thing you’re not dating her than.” Ronnie said trying to lighten her mood.

Gracie smiled and said, “Cute.  Ronnie’s got jokes,” as she threw fake jabs at his stomach.

Ronnie grabbed her around her waste and pulled her to him.  She stopped jabbing and put her arms around his shoulders.

“I had a really nice time with you tonight,” Ronnie whispered into her ear.

“I did too.  I am glad you came and sat on the floor with me,” Gracie said.
He laughed and pushed her gently from their embrace.  She, was wearing the rose scent.  There would be a next time he thought looking into her happy face.  Next time he would be the one showing her a good time he decided.

“Good night Gracie Tanner,” Ronnie said.

“Good night Ronnie Eastwood,” Gracie said and walked to her side door and let herself in with her key.  When he heard the door locked behind her Ronnie got into his vehicle and drove out away from her home.  As he drove away and looked in his rear view mirror he saw Lexy dragging, whom he hopped was Lucky by his caller back to her home.  

Ronnie pulled to the side of the street and sent Gracie a quick text.
(Lexy found Lucky and both are headed home)

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Mikkosgirl avatar General Stranger

May 16, 2008

Mikkosgirl

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Mikkosgirl reviewed Version 4 - Read 100% of the Item

I like this, and I enjoyed your first part as well. I had a hard time with the fluency of the piece due to some wording, and also some grammatical challenges, but the heart of the story is really nice. I like your description of Gracie. You are so detailed that it really makes her shine. Also, the dialogue makes it a little hard to get into, a little boring, not to be cruel. Add some parts about whats going on while they are talking. I like this though. Its cute.

catluckey avatar General Friend

April 04, 2008

catluckey Prolific-icon-medium

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catluckey reviewed Version 4 - Read 100%% of the Item

I’ve read the whole thing. Your dialog is WONDERFUL! Love the bantering between Gracie and Ronnie. Love the fact they’re African Americans, the normal folks I know at work, next door, or at church. You have a nack for fun! Love how she tested him, blocked him at the door, caused him to sit on the floor, jokingly jabbed him…that’s me!!! lol!!! I totally related to this woman. And the man is a man…a great, normal man, a working man! KUDOS TO YOU!

Now the drafts, fixies, painful word by word fixies. Can’t…no…won’t get ‘em all. These few I’ll give you. If you go over your work more carefully, read your text out loud, you’ll find a lot of errors, both spelling and context. Speak out your sentences so you’ll find the confusing areas for rewrites.

For more proofing/critiques, I’ll be glad to help, but it’ll take way, way too many credits to get it done in this critique. You’ll be reviewing other folks stuff for years! I’m no professional, not at all, but I always say every little bit helps. If you want some more help, please let me know.

Here’s only a few fixies/comments:

Everything, I can’t have by Robin Thicke pulsating salsa beat I’m probably clueless, but is this a song. If so, put quote marks…“Everything I can’t have” by Robin Thicke’s pulsating salsa beat...You’ll need to rearrange this sentence because it’s not making sense according to the grammar. I believe it’s a title to a song, it’s by Robin Thicke, and the song has a pulsating salsa beat to it. You can break this up.

Dinner was warming and Gracie wanted her dinner’s scent to be want danced in the air with the breeze. Is dinner cooking on the stove…or she’s warming the cooked meal to keep it warm? Please delete to be want danced that clutters, even if corrected.

and she had her black hair with it’ brassy auburn streaks tied back in a neat hair clip in the back. Make this a separate sentence. Also this is clunky with the passive voice. Try it this way: Her auburn streaked black hair was tied back in a neat hair clip. Delete and she had; delete in the back.

These fixies will get you a little closer to a tighter comp. Note: I said “a little.” Hope I was helpful.

marybalfanz avatar General Stranger

March 24, 2008

marybalfanz

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marybalfanz reviewed Version 2 - Read 100% of the Item

be want danced ?
lip gloss/lip-gloss pg.1
hair dresser/hairdresser pg.1
cylindar/cylinder pg.1
shapped/shaped pg.1
hair cut/haircut pg.2
sun room/sunroom  pg.3
imbroidered/embroidered pg.3
There are many more spelling & grammar errors, to many to list. Overall good story. Nice characters and good flow.

Harold_P avatar General Stranger

December 10, 2007

Harold_P

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Harold_P reviewed Version 2 - Read 100%% of the Item

First piece of patronising advice, maybe don’t let the narrative voice enmesh with that of your characters. If always pays to be slightly aloof at times as a narrator, and although I enjoyed the sardonic tone of the piece, I felt at times it could do with being reined it at moments before you lost control of the original narrator at the beginning.

Having said this, Ronnie and Gracie are very believable. Your story is lightly comic, rippling with nervous pathos and is thoroughly sweet-natured. My worry is that this relationship would sustain a longer piece. At the moment it tends towards the banal in places and the reader has to force themselves to be enthralled at times to keep plugging away with the events of the story.

Harold_P

Just_believe avatar General Stranger

November 21, 2007

Just_believe

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Just_believe reviewed Version 2 - Read 100%% of the Item

This is so cute! This is more of a story than a poem though.
I believe that you have tallent, you are very good and you should continue.
I love dates they are exciting and you never know what to expect out of it f that person is going to do something really dumb or if he is going to be supper sweet and romantic.
Good job I think that you have tallent.

jlbogue avatar General Stranger

November 12, 2007

jlbogue

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jlbogue reviewed Version 2 - Read 100%% of the Item

You have great potential in romance. i loved the story. Nice ending with the dog getting home. All i have is to watch your spelling a bit more. i know you’re using slang and all, but make sure even the slang is spelled correctly. I’m pretty sure pupis is suppose to be pupil. Work on your description a bit more. You have a wonderful way of showing and not telling, and you dialogue rocks. Keep up the good work.

thesilencescr avatar General Stranger

October 08, 2007

thesilencescr

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thesilencescr reviewed Version 2 - Read 100%% of the Item

Very very good. but I think the descrptiveness is best in the first paragraph. I actually really enjoyed this which isnt normal for me. I still kind of wish the whole story was as descriptive as the first paragraph but that just me, Im sure a lot of people would really enjoy this work of art.I hope the best for you and your writting.

Lilymaid avatar General Stranger

October 06, 2007

Lilymaid

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Lilymaid reviewed Version 2 - Read 100%% of the Item

A couple of things,it was good the flow is there I just had to dig a little for it. One of the things I noticed is the over use of the characters names. it took me out of the rythym of the story. My advice, use the characters actual names as little as possible, in the descriptions, the dialogue, everything.

It pulls the reader (me) out of the story. You are setting this beautiful mood, with the rose scents and the dinner and the conversation and you get lost in it and then, I am reminded that this is a story. I don’t know if that makes any sense at all but it was what struck me.

However, that being said I do not want to take away from the chemistry you have set between Ronnie and Gracie, I like it, it sparks but expand it a little, not much, just give a little more. More movement. A touch, a glimmer, the shimmer of the skin, just a little more…

Good job, keep writing!

Calypsoidal1 avatar General Friend

October 03, 2007

Calypsoidal1

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Calypsoidal1 reviewed Version 2 - Read 100%% of the Item

First off, as a stranger here, I couldn’t go back and read the first part before this review, so bear that in mind.

I’m sorry, but I didn’t like this piece, and here’s why:  the writing was filled with small errors, and not just typos and misspellings (“flamingo” for “flamenco” was just one.)  There’s also things like “The smell of liquor greeted Gracie before her alcoholic neighbor.”  Not only should you simply use the smell of liquor to IMPLY alcoholism, but this line comes AFTER Lexy embraces Gracie.  

Many of the sentences were simply clumsy:  ”There were large, brightly colored imbroidered pillows all around it and beautiful stoneware dinner setting for two was on it.”  This is either two sentences, or it should start with the table, what’s on it, then what’s around it.  Or “Now Ronnie new he could pull a smooth move and walk up on her and with a kiss while…”  This is a conversational tone, as if YOU, the author know these two folks and are telling ME, the reader about them over dinner.  

And this one:  ”He helped her load her dishwasher after rinsing them and she put the pillows back in the window seat of the bay window room that the sunroom resided.”  Dishes should be in here somewhere, and as for where the sunroom resides…  

There were numerous sentences that just went on too long and felt clumsy:  ”“Hey Gracie.”  He saw his beautiful Grace dressed casual chic and not in a slinky evening dress as he had imagined her to be in.  She was far too beautiful to him to be dissapointed.”  Beautiful, once.  

The dialogue was wooden and flat:  ”Once or twice a week, as it is my weekend thing,” Ronnie answered and went on.  When people talk, don’t they use contractions?  ”It’s my weekend thing.”

There’s alot of potential here that I didn’t feel paid off.  There’s always potential for comedy or drama when two people on their first “date” have different ideas about what that evening will be.  You, the writer, also had a perfectly good opportunity for Ronnie to be a romantic lead in either saving Gracie from Lexy or actually FINDING the dog, and being hugged and kissed by drunk Lexy, which could have revealed Gracie’s true feelings in the form of a jealous reaction.  There was a lot of cute stuff here, and good character detail (for Gracie and Lexy at least), like her travels and her guitar playing, and the whole tension at the front door and his fear of wrinkling his pants…

So my advice is for you to READ YOUR WORK OUT LOUD and keep writing, and I hope this helps.

miamonster avatar General Stranger

September 24, 2007

miamonster

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miamonster reviewed Version 2 - Read 100%% of the Item

waste = waist.

I really liked this story, it was believeable and a delight to read.
The characters were down to earth, and I found myself getting to like them both.
Although the grammar and some spelling mistakes did slightly distract me, it didn’t pull me too far from the actual story.

Well done, I would like to read the next post.

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PrincesswriterC

Age: 40
Loc: Cleveland, OH
Gen: F
Last Login: October 13
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