Thanks for the suggestions. I sometimes forget to change up the length of the sentences or add more details for Urbis, but since this falls so far into the overall novel, then I do tend to leave those descriptions out, as by this time, I hope that my characters are deeply ingrained into the mind of the reader. However, I appreciate your insight and will remind myself to keep this in mind for future submissions.
Romance / Hostage to Her Heart-Chpt 31- A constant Father
It was a new role to be a constant father. Danny improvised a lot to get along with the septuplets. They were quite a rambunctious bunch, always quick to get into mischief at eighteen months old, and by this time, were very attached to their mother. They had different temperaments. Sometimes even simple routines could become a battle.
Jamie, Eric and Edward were finicky eaters, taking their time to gobble down what was placed before them at mealtimes. If Edward didn’t like something, he simply tossed it over the highchair or flung it towards the wall. For a young tot, a mischievous gleam showed in his eye as he looked upon the mess he did.
“Oh, he’s just a modern day artist. He wants to redecorate our kitchen!” Lila teased while cleaning up pasta patiently at lunchtime. Danny didn’t like it.
“Let that boy eat sandwiches. He seems to like them,” At least it wasn’t liquid form and was easy to pick up, but mostly Edward ate it without complaint. This surprised Tara. Such a simple solution to a tyrannical little boy’s temperament.
Another thing that bugged Danny was that Tristan easily cried. He was too much in the habit of being picked up to be consoled.
“He must learn to adapt playing alone, Tara,” Danny determined. “Otherwise, he’ll keep up the bad habit.”
She already knew what he thought about this. He had discussed it with Marta. Marta told her. Tara was prepared.
“All right. If you think its best. I’ll leave him be,” Tara said, depositing two cotton balls into each ear. She grinned at her husband, waved, and then climbed up the stairs to put away towels in the upstairs linen closet.
Tristan stood there. Danny could see what was written all over his face. The tyke couldn’t believe it. His mother left him! Eyes blinked, his lips curled, and then he screamed as she disappeared from view. Danny frowned, but handed the boy a toy, patted him on the head, and sat in the recliner to read the paper. He could keep an eye on everyone. The others were playing quietly in the living room. It gave him a terrible headache within ten minutes of it, but soon Tristan tired out. He looked around and stared at Danny a moment or two. Finally, he sat on the floor to play blocks with Erik.
“Thank goodness,” Danny sighed, pleased that on this one occasion his idea worked. It took three more times before Tristan realized he didn’t gain extra attention by crying anymore. From then on, he stopped. He simply pointed when he wanted something and learned to tag along.
The older boys, Vincent, Tyler, and Matthew were spunky children, ate a lot and liked to get into things. Danny took to playing blocks or building puzzles with them. They especially hated bedtime and would get into a huge tantrum. Whenever Danny picked them up, they sensed they were going to their beds and would cry. To remedy this, he raised them high into the air and then dive them into their cribs, like flying bombers. The toddlers didn’t really remember the man, but they thought this game was way too much fun. They begged for more. After a few times, they stopped crying and peered up at him through their cribs, waiting patiently. When he departed the room, they cried out, “Da!”
“What are they saying?” Danny listened closely.
“I think it’s da-da, although the “A” sounds like what’s in ‘daughter.’” Tara explained.
“Hmmm, interesting,” Danny said and clicked out the light. They went to sleep.
In Tara’s mind, it just seemed to fit. He was “Da” from then on. He headed back down for the next two boys. She watched him whisk both Matt and Edward above his shoulders. They were laughing in delight all the way up the stairs. Edward was tired. He grabbed for his pillow right away. Not Matt.
“My goodness!” Danny bellowed out of breath after the fourth dive bomb. He walked to the door, but the kid screamed bloody murder, “Should we allow Matt to cry like that?”
Surely, the kid could adjust.
“It will be ok,” Tara turned off the light and closed the door firmly, “Edward can sleep through anything. Matt will be down in two minutes. Just watch.”
And sure enough, Danny could hear the little guy wrestled around his crib. A minute later, he settled down, only crying into his pillow. And then it was quiet. It tugged at his heart. Thank goodness that Eric and Tristan were easy. .
.
Still, there was the matter with his daughter. Jamie. His little princess. Always the last to settle in, the child definitely inherited her mother’s expressive eyes. Easily consolable, the child looked for the bottle. From her back, she stared up at him, all eyes intent on his face. Out of all the children, she paid the most attention to what he did. On the pillow, she seemed a quiet little angel. Danny stroked down her curls, hummed a little nursery song. Her eyes grew wide. Again, he could hear a sound escaping her throat. He couldn’t get over it. The girl was trying to hum back. Was she musically inclined? At some point, he would have to test her abilities further.
“Go to sleep,” he whispered and tucked her in snugly. He turned off the lights. Only a night light remained on the far wall, giving the room a dim glow. Within a minute, the girl was sound asleep, but Danny could not erase from his memory the way she looked. The child was so precious. Forever, he would be deeply devoted.
Tara loved her man. As time moved forward, he was terrific with the children. During their occasional outings, whenever the children got out of line, Danny’s voice would sound stern, just to give notice that he meant business. He always bent down to their level to speak, to encourage their best behavior. He was very patient when they were overtired or too rambunctious. His eyes expressed his love and concern.
Tara admired this easy demeanor. She was thankful that the Navy taught him a sense of order. He was the commander of their household. She was a co-navigator. They were all on a terrific voyage together. By mid-November, the children hovered around him quite often, now that he was a permanent fixture to their world. There were lots of times he could be spontaneously silly. They liked that best.
Tom turned six months old that month. His black hair grew fast. Tara didn’t want to cut it. He was too cute, a quiet child, that always observed everyone. Tom never minded bath time or being placed in the play pen. Danny eased into the chore of changing diapers and feeding the tyke baby food. It warmed Tara’s heart that Danny took to the child, in spite of the fact that Tom wasn’t his flesh and blood.
Sometimes, Tara would find Danny in his recliner, reading his paper out loud; a habit he did daily. He held Tom close on his lap, with Eric and Jamie on either side. They were hidden behind the paper, while the other boys played at his feet. They listened to his voice that told world events like he was reading a fairy tale.
“Let’s see what our Prime Minister has to say today,” he said in big and dramatic sounds while he flipped the pages, “Ms. Thatcher is our new leader, the first woman elected to do so. Things are changing for the better. Do you want to be Prime Minister when you grow up, Jamie? Wouldn’t that be spectacular?”
Their eyes grew wide to listen. It made Tara smile. Yes, she loved that man!
After Danny returned home, Michael or Gloria came down to pick up Tom on Friday afternoons. More than often, Susan volunteered, which they all found unusual, but since it eased their busy schedules, it was overlooked. They would drive into the village to meet Ross or sometimes take the boy all the way, depending on what went on. Ross had a car then, so things were easier for him too.
Sometimes it bothered Tara that visitation went this way. There were lots of times she found herself missing her friend, just for conversation. She really thought that Danny preferred never to see that man again. Until one day, he was upstairs packing Tom’s diaper bag. She overheard him from their bedroom, speaking to Tom in a playful high voice
“We best put in your favorite stuff bunny. Do you think your daddy has any clue that you like it? Maybe not, but I do. Yes, I do,” he said, stopping to pluck his lips onto Tom’s belly to do a raspberry. Tom giggled out loud. Danny wrapped him into a warm coat, “Maybe one day, we’ll share what we know. Do you think so? You look so cute in this. Your looks come from your mother. Don’t tell your daddy. It’ll hurt his feelings. He always thinks he’s all that. You, my bright young man, have it in spades. Now, we must hurry. Your Aunt Susan is waiting outside.”
Danny placed on his lower thick pants, zipped him up, and then swung the diaper bag over his shoulders. He picked up Tom and rushed out the door. Through the window, Tara stared out at Danny. He placed Tom into the car seat. She didn’t know what to think, but his words made her feel hopeful. Perhaps in the future, he might get around to talking to Ross again. That was encouraging.
After Susan left, Danny went back into the house. He stopped by the hearth to warm up. Tara was busy that morning, but she did note a strange expression on his face.
“Is something bothering you?” she asked, coaxing him out of a shell.
“Well, it’s just that I wish Susan never ditched college to do modeling,” Danny sighed, “There’s better way to earn a living. She could marry even. Why doesn’t she take after Gloria’s example? She’s a modern woman, but doesn’t flaunt her wiles. Not like this.”
He showed Tara the hunting magazine that just came out on the stands. Susan gave him a copy to show off. Show off, indeed. There she was, posing on a Riviera Beach with a skimpy string bikini, advertising liquor. He pointed out another where she looked like a hooker out on a hot night in Italy. The makeup was bright. The skimpy clothing showed off everything that Susan had to offer a man. Which was a lot conveyed behind a low plunging neckline.
“I hope you never do this,” Danny shook his head. “I mean, Jesus! She is my sister! Just look at her. If you showed off like that, I would be so embarrassed.”
“Where would I have the opportunity? I am knee deep in children,” Tara took the magazine from his hands. She pulled back the safety gate around the fire and threw the magazine into it, “I am fine just being a wife and a mother.”
“Yes, and you look so well for it,” Danny agreed, happy that Tara was very modest in her fashion style. It may show off her curves, but never a lot of her breasts. Tara looked best in pastel colors since she possessed a creamy complexion. Her face was flawless with natural makeup or none at all. Now, she would look damn good in a magazine. He felt so blessed to have such a lovely wife.
About once a week, Danny made a trip into the village to swing by the bank or to stop by the grocers. He would only stop at the pub for one drink and then quickly return home to Tara. Rosemary and Eileen knew there was a difference in the man. He was cheerful and smiling all the time. He spoke non-stop about the children. The man was definitely in love, and they were happy for him. Their affair, tucked away in memory, would no longer interfere with the future.
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JDAnon reviewed Version 1 -
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I was born in wiltshire a decade after this is set- its rare to find stories set in that part of the world- although Sherlock Holmes once visited a pub in Swindon…
Anyway, I thought I might feel unable to appreciate a 31st chapter on it’s own, but I did not. I enjoyed reading it and definitley gives the impression of something worth reading.
I love the language you use- so unusual and english- rambunctious for example.
I enjoyed the humour you have injected into the domestic setting- which manages to avoid feeling cliched and over used and is instead heartwarming, amusing and freshly original.
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garnbev reviewed Version 1 -
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This is a great read. This is well written, with good dialogue. Your dialogue is fast moving and realistic. I think it captures the moment perfect. Your descriptions are vivid. The flow was smooth and easy to read. Well chosen words are expressive. I’ve nothing to critique. Nothing to change. Thanks for sharing this.
SethSevil reviewed Version 1 -
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Well what I have to say about this is that this is something different than I would expect from a romance novel. It is at least up to this point a little slow, but since you said it will pick up later I won’t really count that against you. A problem I do see however is that the sentences seem a bit too short. I think if you would try to extend the sentences, combining them and putting in some details about how they looked and whether there is something that sets them apart both physically and the way they act. I believe this will only bring out more of what you want to portray in this story. I am interested as to how this will grow as a story and the intricacies of the characters involved.
Sparkles reviewed Version 1 -
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I didn’t see anything wrong grammar wise and your spelling seems fine too. I must admit that I got a little lost. Septuplets? It seems a bit much to me. I like the fact that this isn’t full of sex and drama, I usually ignore romance to avoid it… I like the direction it seems to be taking with Danny settling down into fatherhood, taking over more of the parenting: “He must learn to adapt playing alone, Tara,” Danny determined. “Otherwise, he’ll keep up the bad habit.” and I’m glad you showed his irritation with Tristan. No father would be believable if they came home and life was peachy.
“He was the commander of their household. She was a co-navigator. They were all on a terrific voyage together.” I love this because it shows just how married life can be and it adds to the hopeful feeling I get when I read this.
I wonder if Danny would show more jealousy and anger surrounding Tom’s paternity. He just seems a little too accepting. I guess I expected him to struggle with it more. Maybe in previous chapters?
wrtr4evr reviewed Version 1 -
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very interesting, i liked it…it sucked me in and i had to keep reading. very fun and interesting. very different, i have never really read anything like that. keep doing what you are doing because it’s working. very very nice. keep on writing! very very nice and flowing. keep it up
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