Poetry / The Offerings Of Pride

If wishes were whispers
they would die a silent death
If the flame of life burned forever
would we stop whispering

The pride that carries us to no where
takes these pithy words of comfort
and reads them to oblivion
where our whispers cannot reach

Shall I shout that I love you
or shall I whipser sweet words
that say how much I miss you
What that my pride would allow it

The pride that tears me
does not leave me much room
to do the things my heart wants
Desires, wishes, needs all fade

So here is my offering of pride
as pitiful as it may be
The offerings of my soul
Please set it free

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Reviews

October 02, 2007

Shotsie

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
6	100.0% (1 votes)	100.0%

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56	M	Sedona, AZ	September 15

Shotsie reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

I’d say you were well on your way to being a poet. After all you have had your heart smashed up some and want to talk about it that is a fine start.

If wishes were whispers ? So your saying that if we lived forever we would stop wishing?

at leaast that is the conclusion of the first stanza. I would like to know why we would stop wishing if lkiffe burned forever. Actually it already does burn forever Om mane padme om “there is no death”

“there are no prayers like desire”

Pride is one of the seven deadly sins. Admiting that your pride has trapped you is a poerfull admition
Give yourself points for having the courage to say that outloud.

There in lies the rub you see
there in lies the poem that is the real poem that is trapped in this one.

If you are offerng up your soul you have to strip it bare in front of the world.

Can’t do that with it armoured with pride

You mis her and love her talk of that pain talk of the need as though you were trying to det yourself free.
because amigo you are doing exactly that.

Good job go where the pain is
go where you are afraid
go where you are exposed.
there in lies the rub

Shotsie

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October 06, 2007

by Maiden2Craft

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0	0.0% (0 votes)	100.0%

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41	F	United States	March 03

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first off have the need to clarify something, amiga… lol no amigo.

now on to the review. thank you for your postive feedback.

yes i’ve had my heart dashed about on the rocks… this poem is about my first love.. first real love and it took me 7 years to get over it… i still cant believe that i gave so much of my life over to grief…

now on to the comments and questions

if wishes were whispers ? So your saying that if we lived forever we would stop wishing?

its my belief that we will some day reach a spiritual nirvana… where we will have all the answers of the universe unlocked… its what each incarnation of our physical lives teaches us if we are open to learn….

once we reach nirvana… will we need to wish?

i think no.

i agree… life goes on until we reach a status of pure energy because we have nothing left to learn and are ready to become teachers…

i have a life time of tragedy and pain as i’m sure that many of us do… the difference is we take the time to not only write about it but by sharing our pain, maybe someone else can learn from them and we start our journey as teachers before we’ve reached enlightenment, therefore becoming the enlightened on earth.

thank you shotsie for taking the time to read and review my work.

please excuse the typos… long few days and i dont feel like spell checking… lol

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October 02, 2007

superkleric

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21	71.4% (7 votes)	60.0%

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22	M	Irving, TX	October 01

superkleric reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

Pride hinders us all. It’s an emotion that I’ve struggled with and have written about. It seems to affect men more than women for some reason. I’m sure you know all of this already though. I enjoyed reading this, good job.

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October 06, 2007

by Maiden2Craft

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0	0.0% (0 votes)	100.0%

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41	F	United States	March 03

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thank you for the positive feedback.

it affects the entire human race… but as women and men are different, we process our pain and pride differently.

i also believe that pride is a defensive mechanism and that both men and women are capable of arming themselves with it… its why i also believe its our deadliest of all sins.

thanx again for the review.