Haiku/Senryu / 9/28/07 #2

love this … it makes me wonder about what would happy if the plant were unhappy?  Are plants unhappy when they are under real light?  Are people?  What extension are we talking about here?  Is it a GREEN thing?  So many questions and yet … I love it just for that reason.  Well Done!  Thanks.

I’d put a dash after light, maybe change false to fake, and title this.  Otherwise, it made me smile—which is always (in general) a good thing.  Thanks!

#2,
I’ve had a few of those happy potted plants.
It connects to me.

Nice. If you’re going for true haiku, the “potted” plant might be borderline, as only humans “pot plants” and provide “false light”. I like it nonetheless.

Relaxing.

You are surely talented in the way you see things, break them down in your mind, and then put it on paper. This poem give readers a taist of your talent, and paints a very clear picture of what you are seeing. That is poetry. The only problem I have is that it is over as fast as it starts. I would like to read more. Good job.

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December 30, 2007

by Deadsage

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you are very kind.  Thanks

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The first two lines are great but tends to lose itself in the third, great piece aside.

Nice haiku – and good senryu if extended to ourselves as well. If you are using the period, maybe comma or dash after light?

real nice!
Love that word:

Tendril.

Hey, how about: green, thick, and under false light.
?
dunno think it just flows nicer.

Hello,

I have to admit, I have never been a big fan of Haiku but I did like this. It was well thought out and conveys good visuals. I like it and would n’t change a thing. Well done!