Poetry / One Way Street

Nice mix of rhyme that almost feels like prose at times cause its not too “Right on, rhymy”, but the poem starts out in 3rd person narrative….then becomes 1st person narrative.  ”staring at the ceiling wishing YOU could stop (someone elses?)..YOUR heart from feeling? (3rd person). The next stanza..”so here I go again”  (1st person) Then the ending stanza talks about the bell tower chiming for ME…(1st person narrative). Is he wishing for someone else to stop THEIR heart from feeling? and if not, then it might better be written, by keeping the 1st person narrative throughout the whole poem…I love the reference to Blake and this work gives me a “Blues Guitar player” feel. Great Poem.

1st person narrative would be…”Time passes by like those nights
                                 Spent staring at the ceiling
                                 wishing I could stop
                                 MY heart from feeling”.

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January 15, 2008

by katep

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34	F	Baton Rouge, LA	September 20

thanks. don’t always catch things on your own.

January 15, 2008

by Penlight

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44	M	Fullerton, CA	April 24

I love your picture by the way. You seem to be peering through a veil of some kind, with curious secrets.

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Seems to have several layers in it. First it’s just lonely, then it’s “forgiving” or going back to someone just out of habit. Next, it seems to be a sort of longing and finally it seems to describe death. The poem moves from one thing to another very quickly. While that’s not really a bad thing, I personally would have written  a poem for each concept individually. The rhythm was pretty tight, I think I almost picked the right one. I liked the punctuation, it certainly enhanced the poem.

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January 15, 2008

by katep

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thanks for the review.
katep

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it’s very interesting but at the same time very cliche. go into description! kisses!

Delia

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January 31, 2008

by katep

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Hmmm…I usually don’t find things that are “very chiche” to be “very interesting”.

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Blake’s Angels in the trees? Could you explain that reference to me?  I don’t understand that line, but I don’t know the what this refers to, so please let me know what it is in the poem for?

Also: The bell tower chimes for me.  Nice line but I don’t get what it means.  I know I must be missing the point of this poem and yet, I like the way it is set up, the rest of it reads smooth and even those two lines I am questioning, sound good.. I just don’t can’t figure them out.

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January 14, 2008

by katep

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Blake’s Angels in the trees, is a reference to William Blake who believed through a combination of imaginationa and mostly faith that he could truely see Angels in the trees looking down on us.
The bell tower chimes for me is a reference to time and death…its coming for me but I seem to be on the wrong road.
Does that make sense?
Thank you.

January 14, 2008

by RoadHousePress

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Forgive all the above typos … I am sitting in the dark and trying to type in a way that my 3yr old grandson will not wake up.  

Thanks for the info… I was not thinking about Blake.. of course, Blake’s and his angels.. great fit and great line.

I missed the second one about the bell tower chiming because it seemed at first that the old man might have said that about the tower.. but now that you have enlightened me, I am smiling and nodding.. oh yeah.. but I would split that verse up so it’s clear its about you not the old man.

January 14, 2008

by katep

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34	F	Baton Rouge, LA	September 20

thanks for the advice!

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