Novel Treatments / Screaming

Might I ask, what the point of this piece may be? It makes me want to read the rest to see if it is as poorly written as this is. Your repetitive use of ‘I’m screaming’ is annoying, not significant. I think you can change this by changing the way your describing your feelings.

There are other ways of saying the things you want to say without repeating them. One of these might be the use of emotion or the reason why you feel your insides are screaming, being young myself, I felt this was exactly what It was, a young negative rebelious pre-teen. Its typical, its cliche, its annoying.

Avoid these things.

This has a lot of emotion and I do like the use of repetition, it’s effective. But there’s absolutely no sense of character—it’s all kind of vague and melodramatic to the reader since we have no idea what is causing so much pain. Why is the character seeing a shrink? What is the relationship with the mother? What’s the stem of so much anxiety—run-of-the-mill teenage angst? Or something more than that?

Also, grammatically, there is the issue of capitalization. You need to expand and actually have a story here, since this comes off more as a poem than anything. But it does have potential to be more.

This feels more like rant or spoken word than anything even remotely approaching a novel treatment. Things like lack of capitalization and fragment are much easier to pull off outside of prose.
Good luck.

The ideas of self-hatred are vividly intense.  The emotions of anger, hatred towards yourself have been captured eloquently.  You’ve written this wondrous word play so clearly, I could feel your emotional frenzy.  Often we tear down ourselves with harsh self-criticisms, especially in young adults like ourselves.  Society is one of the many reasons of why we diminish ourselves so vehemently.  We conform to their perceptions of how one must look, act, think, etc.  Either society influences us to despise ourselves or family matters, death, heartbreak, etc.

-veronica  

In my opinion, you should put this under poetry. Are you really going through these emotions? The pain seems very real.

The repetition and rhythm in this rant are effective. I hear you.

punctuation in the second line. “I am angry, sick and tired.” lose the extra ands or alternativly (if you want to write differently) lose the commas. Capital letters at the start of sentences help too.

As for the content – great expression! Love it! (hate reading about it, but love your expression)
it’s a tad repetitive with the screaming….just a tad, but I would only change that if you have many many people comment on it.

Good stuff, do keep writing!

First thing I want to say is when writing in first person, always capitalize “I” if you don’t take the time to watch punctuating sentences and proper nouns, people won’t take you seriously.
“And” or “But” shouldn’t start sentences unless they’re in dialogue. It throws the flow off. Try rewording it. If it can’t stand alone, try joining it with the sentence before.
The screaming is extremely repetitive and takes away from what you’re trying to show. I would like to know more about the character. Why they feel the way they do, why they hate themselves so much and feel such hatred.
I think you could have an interesting piece if you expand on the description and character depth. Keep working on it.