Schlegel and de Staël traveled together and I think there was a great connection for Schlegel. That’s the lovers lottery. I’m sure you know that before asking the question.
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Poetry / A week in Munich
Love like life like art is an unexpected plethora of
Embarrassing simple joy and numerous tragedies
of necessary certainty, a win win for all involved.
August whilhelm Von Schlegel had tenacity
to attack French Classicism with a million paper airplanes,
that flew towards the sky fearless and unfettered.
I found them in the suitcase of an African diplomat
whose taste for Marijuana and fast women
often renders him unable to account for long periods
of his travel . On my windy porch I spend my night
folding up the love of Madame de Staël.
A heart is an amazing thing to hold, pages from collected works
of Ernest Hemingway used as rolling papers
or for the lone purpose of practicing origami. The stove poor Sylvia
met her maker, forged into free weights.
One single life, either fact or fiction, good or bad – even criticism
of a bullish German bloke – can win the lovers lottery
or take a life, theirs or another’s. The work of the artist, can then be
something you attack a movement with or fold into
a cocaine holding square or a polar bear.
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Valaeryn reviewed Version 1 -
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Certainly a unique, but undeniably well-written poem. It contains many references to things I’m sadly uneducated about, but nevertheless it is still quite enjoyable to read. I take it you have a thing for Origami? Lucky. I suck at any physical art. ;D
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Willow_Wren reviewed Version 1 -
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I am not sure what the italic forward in this poem has to do with the poem and why are the first two lines capitlized and L3 not? Joy should be plural: joys. It’s an awkward statement that confuses me.
The poem itself is abstract and its references to historic literary figures seem unrelated and not well developed. What have Von Schlegel, Madame de Stael, Sylvia Plath, Hemmingway and the unknown African diplomat have to do with one another? They are introduced but without back up or relationship. So de Stael met von Schlegel in Munich one winter…so what? I guess the narrator doesn’t care for Hemmingway as he uses the pages of his books for rolling papers.
“The stove poor Sylvia met her maker” is awkward and trite, and “forged into free weights” escapes me. The narrator tries to sum up in this poem a lesson or moral of winning love’s lottery or dying by one’s own hand or taking the life of another. But why? And how? There’s a nice free writing style but the content is too loose and obtuse to for this reader to make sense of this poem. What is a cocaine holding square? I thought it came in lines? And polar bear does rhyme with square, I’ll grant that. Odd but interesting.
faeflora reviewed Version 1 -
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Interesting comparisons with the usage of the paper of the writing. I am not sure if urbis messed up your line divisions/stanzas/paragraphs or not but the separation is very strange. It sort of makes me dizzy. I’ll comment on it as if it is intentional. The line breaks are almost chaotic and are very confusing. I think that they match up with the unexpected actions in the poem- the usuage of paper as an analogy. It’s difficult to read and angular rather than flowing which perhaps is very good- matching with the angularity of a “square of paper”. BTW in the intro “win win” is a horrible and nauseating business cliche. Please pick something else or I’ll have to stab myself in the eye with a staple remover.
curtis_irion reviewed Version 1 -
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I like this poen very, very much.
This may be my favorite line(s).
“A heart is an amazing thing to hold, pages from collected works
of Ernest Hemingway used as rolling papers
or for the lone purpose of practicing origami.”
How did you think of that, if I may ask? And also, what gave you the inspiration for this well-written poem.
And what of the Germanic-centered theme? I like it, but what are you saying?
Cheers and please keep writing!
casimirpulaski reviewed Version 1 -
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i like this initially. clever way to praise authors past while making a coherent modern statement with visual cues. very good piece. one part seemed to throw me:
The stove poor Sylvia
met her maker, forged into free weights.
re-reading hasn’t helped me put meaning to this, are there a couple of words missing? the stove where poor sylvia… perhaps?
overall a great work.
StarCat reviewed Version 1 -
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Very nice style. I felt it was a bit distant, like you weren’t really ready to commit emotionally to the content. I do like the theme of tracing the paper’s journey or path, very cleverly done. But is the paper inanimate, or does it emote? What are we supposed to feel about your work?
This is my first review here, so I hope it’s OK. I do like your poem, but I think it needs to be a little more impactful through emotions.
paulfogarty reviewed Version 1 -
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Very cool. Be sure you don`t drown in a lake before your completed works see the light of day. All the good poets drown in lakes, you see. Kind of like rock stars and small aircraft, actors and automobiles.
I laughed out loud at the African diplomat, his mary-jane and his fast women. I could see the innocent pleasure mixed with dismay in his eyes as a bead of sweat rolled down the side of his face (since everywhere in Africa is hot).
And remember, when you use Hemmingway prose to do origami you should spend the entire morning folding just one corner. Then break for lunch. Then in the afternoon, unfold that corner again.
Cheers and best of luck.
phoenixstar reviewed Version 1 -
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this was very nice, but i don’t understand what exactly you were talking about. i don’t understand how some of the things mentioned tied together. titled “A week in Munich” i fail how a African diplomat and polar bears deals with Munich. but your poem is beautiful but i just don’t get it, but it is a little early in the morning for deep thinking. great job, sorry i couldn’t be anymore help.
smash54 reviewed Version 1 -
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Oh my. This is a dirty little piece. I mean that as a compliment, by the way. I love how different your cadence seems from all of the other poetry on Urbis. And some of the lines are truly funny. And dark. That last bit about a ‘cocaine holding square and a polar bear.’ was especially nice. Anyway, I enjoyed this. Nice job!
Nitarush reviewed Version 1 -
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After I read this, I didn’t want to skip it, although I’m not quite sure how to review it. I did love your into; the flow of the words … “Love like life like art … Think maybe some punctuation breaks would make it easier for the reader to follow. The rest of it I had to read a few times. I understood more each time but “A heart is an amazing thing to hold” followed by the “rolling papers/Hemingway” bit threw me for a loop. I understand the drug references, just not how it all relates. ”African diplomat whose taste for Marijuana and fast women often renders him unable to account for long periods of his travel” was a priceless.
Perhaps, it’s just over my head. I found most of it confusing and it’s message unclear … Words=credits so I won’t waste any more of yours on my musings … This is an interesting and intriguing piece, but I’m unsure how it all fits. It’s not you. It’s me, I’m sure :-) Again the intro is quite lovely and I’m fascinated by the rest, so I will reread it. You’ve got me thinking!
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