Humor/Satire / Your Horrorscope: Falsehood Bathed In Snake Oil

Horroscopes are badly in need of lampooning. Great jab at something some people are bound by reliciously. good job.

Hi,
  I don’t review alot of humor pieces because I don’t find most of them very…well, humorous. Really enjoyed this one, though. Found it funny and engaging and very well-written. The one line I found a little tired was  ’sits around the universe’. Everything else is so original that I thought that line detracted from the piece oh so slightly.
  Well done. Good luck.

Dave

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April 22, 2008

by paulfogarty

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Hmmm, I see what you mean about the tiredness of the sits around the universe thing. I was using it in a vaguely tongue-in-cheek way, you know, as a kind of a nod towards the old vaudeville and slap-stick guys, but it just comes across as lame. Thanks so much for waking me up to that one. Cheers.

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I like reading satirical horoscopes (because I can’t take the “real” ones seriously either), and this is a good one.

Apparently Mr. Woods has discovered that I’ve stolen the crossbow he used in that vampire movie a few years back… (What the heck – if I’m not taking it seriously, I can choose what sign to be, right?)

I saw the Iditerod once.  I was only 3 years old at the time, so all I remember is a bunch of dogs and sleds going past, and then wanting my mom to teach our dog (a boxer) how to pull a sled, too.

Where, pray tell, is a Libra to find a field of daffodils to frolic through at this time of year?  Or is that not your problem?

”...evidence disguised as falsehood bathed in snake oil…”  That’s so fitting for some of the Geminis I know.

You must be a Mensa. How long have you been a member? It is obvious that you are one intelligent son of a gun.
The satire is so far over my head I may not review another piece for a month. It will take that long to regain my self-esteem.
I am quite sure there is a chuckle after each one of these but it will take a better man then me to find it.

I mean, this is obviously a wonderfully satirical comment but I am just too dumb to understand.
“Pisces: It is better to steal a wet week than to drown all your sorrows under a dead doorknob.”

So, it must be a 10 Overall,  doubt it will get published. I mean how many Mensa’s are there anyway?

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December 24, 2007

by Weaver

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“You must be a Mensa.”  Is that the current term used to mean “person with an IQ in the top 2 percent”?

I didn’t quite get the one for Pices, either, but I loved the bit about Capricorns forgetting to remove the lens caps.

December 24, 2007

by Jimmel104

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Actually a pretty old term. I aren’t one. They are the ones that can do a Rubics cube in less than 10 seconds.
I still have my cube. It’s in a box in my dresser in about 52 pieces from the last time I tried to get all the sides a different color.

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eh… I’m a bit confused. Are you taking this from the actual constellation’s point of view? or a person reading their horoscope? or are you trying to impose the trials of the constellation onto a real person’s life? Also, what’s with the Anemone, Lipstick, Icarus and Aunty Valda?
Is this because I just don’t understand the underlying correlations? Or was your objective to confuse people?
The bits I did understand I really liked. Just the randomness, like with Libra, was very cool.

Being a huge astrology “guru” myself, (not thta i practice by it, but i am a semi-expert on the signs), this was incredibly entertaining.  I was laughing throughout the piece.  I like how you stuck to the perpectives of the sign, like for instance, my sign…Libra.  The run naked thing is SO appropriate, mostly because LIbra is known as the “best looking” of all signs…beautiful always…without effort.  Wonderful job. I can’t wait to read more from you….You are a very funny writer!

Nice idea. Wish I’d thought of it. This would make a nice magazine column. The format would work again and again. Like the writing style, Nice turn of phrase too. Not too sure about agents. I have no idea where to look for one or what to do if I found one. Let me know if you find out.

Hi Paul!
This is brilliant, original and over-the-top funny. I’d point out a couple of passages I liked, but I’d just have to copy and paste the whole damn thing.

There are a couple of places where your punctuation could be more precise.  As here: ”. . . from the Solar System you . . .” (insert comma before “you”).

Iditerod = Iditarod ??

Clever… I wasn’t so sure about the use of unconventional horoscope labels, but the entries for each were pretty darned witty and cute.  It works.  

Have you ever read The Onion? These “horrorscopes” seem like the same kind of thing. I enjoyed the fact that you included real signs among some rather ridiculous names and planets. Pluto fit perfectly.