Thank you for the review. By the first part, do you mean the first stanza? It has been suggested that the poem could just start at “tears do not express” and I’m still thinking on it. Anyway, yes, it is written from a particular late night in my life.
Poetry / Fight Night
A sadness grows
Indescribable pain
Stains and blows
Deep into my chest
Cold but not brisk
It does not break
Does not cease
But for a moment
To deceive me
Make me think that
The storm is near end
Only to torment me again
In the form of shouting words
And bursting breath
Of torture and distress
You ordered me to shut up
But I didn’t
And I ran and ran and ran
Only to crawl back in
To what was once a safe haven
That would take us away
From me and them
Your car
Then a shelter
Now a prison
Fulfillment turning to internment
Yet stop to drop me off
Push me out once again
Leave me here but not quite there
To walk to a destination that spreads its
Legs and subsequently distance
As soon as I come near
Tease me with a finale that does not close
Dispose of the dénouement
A fall that does not stop
From grace
From purpose
From my sense of self
From the intoxication of you
Tears do not express
How much this tortures me
This thing between us
You cry and yell
And I hurt and run
I’m stunned
By just how stupid we are
That we lie in bed together
With my chest imploding and
This bond eroding
By the tempest we’ve created
And mingled
Into a typhoon and tornado
And world wide terror
And yet
We stay even though we’re dying
Creating monsoons to hold on to the calm that follows
World, now I’m asking you
Swallow me whole and let me disappear
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madiedoll reviewed Version 1 -
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I like this quite a bit. I love your use of metaphor, the car, staying though we’re dying. Very vivid, and a topic we all can relate to.
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adaria reviewed Version 1 -
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WOW! powerful and descriptive and oh can i so relate! impressive work Bravo!!
Fenna reviewed Version 1 -
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Your word usage was amazing to me.
The first part didn’t keep my attention as well as the last though.
Your descriptions are intense and made me want more.
I assume it’s written from a very personal experience which makes it all the more powerful to read.
nice piece =]
RoadHousePress reviewed Version 1 -
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Honestly, I think the last stanza from Tears to disappear, is the poem. I think it states everything with passion and in vivid detail that the rest of the poem leads up to. I just don’t think you need all the rest of it because that last stanza is so powerful and complete.
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