Journalism / Sexual Harassment: Nothing Routine about It

None of the above were raised as issues by my English Composition I professor when this was written as an argument paper in college, but thank you for the suggestions all the same. I will definitely fix that typo in the 2nd paragraph, though. :)

that’s why they’re a professor not a writer

Perhaps so, but I still have no intention of changing the format of the statistics. As for needing more sources, this was an argument paper. I used 6-12 other sources for my research paper on the same subject.

Perhaps so, but I still have no intention of changing the format of the statistics. As for needing more sources, this was an argument paper. I used 6-12 other sources for my research paper on the same subject.

Thank you.

I’m particularly dismayed that you would expect an article about sexual violence to be sexy. It isn’t a subject that should turn you on. As for everything else, to each their own.

if you want to be a decent journalist, listen to what I say. this is just poor, grey-coloured writing.

Here’s an example of a terrible sentence for you (one typical of your writing):
“The effects of this sort of victimization can change nearly everything about the recipient’s present life and can even last well into adulthood. There’s nothing routine about sexual harassment.”
Would be better as:
“Victims lives can be changed for years; sexual harassment is nothing trivial.”
I’m saying that it is simply appalling to use word groupings as above such as:
”...this sort of victimization can change nearly everything about the recipient’s…”
Do you not realise that if you were a real journalist working for a decent paper, then every word is key space for the paper/ magazine. You write ‘recipient’s’, but ‘recipient’s’ is already implied by ‘victimization’, since the recipient IS a victim – obviously. Your long-winded, rhythmically identical sequences of facts will get you nowhere in the competitive world of journalism. You need to contract your writing, make it denser, and inject it with personality. Yes, that means making it ‘sexy’, even if it’s about bomb victims in Bagdad. Of course, it’s naive of you to criticise the idea of making it ‘sexy’, since I do not mean glorification, I simply mean interesting (‘sexy’) language and pace, whether that be in a tabloid or broadsheet context is irrelevant. It just can’t be drab. Your writing, as stands, is awfully drab.

in fact, i even should have transposed the order in my version of your terribly verbose sentence. i.e., I should have written:
“Sexual harassment is nothing trivial; victims’ lives can be changed for years.”
You should THEN go on to explain one or several (as ‘sexy’ as possible – i.e. interesting) INDIVIDUAL cases. This is how you hook the reader in.

Fortunately for me, you’re the only one to call it drab so far. As for your use of the word sexy, your misuse of the english language does not constitute a mistake on my part.

trust me, in 6 months time you’ll realise this is the only review to help you, but i knew as i wrote it that you’d give it a negative review. the review above mine, which simply praises an average piece of work, will not help you at all long term. i know it’s hard to stomach, but i’m giving you real advice, not a pointless pat on the back. if you look at my individual points, you’ll see 2-3 things that could really improve your writing. if you ever went to work in a real paper or a magazine, i am certain you would be told things like ‘make it sexier’, ‘give it more punch’, ‘give it more pace’, so, I repeat, you are simply naive to take it in a literal, ‘sexual’ sense.
best of luck,
O

I’m glad to hear it. Please pass along my thanks to your Dad. From what you’ve said, it sounds like he did a great job in answering that question as well as having given very good advice. Don’t worry—I don’t think sexual harassment is all one way, thus I made a point in saying around the beginning: “Sexual harassment isn’t limited to members of any specific age, gender, size, religion, or sexuality; however, this essay is going to focus on the victimization of high school students, mainly girls.” My reason for doing so was/is because that’s where my experience is. After writing this as an argument paper for English Composition I, I wrote a  research paper. Though I don’t recall finding any cases for guys sexually harassed by girls, my research paper does address both male and female victims and is also posted here on Urbis. I hope you’ll enjoy that one as much or more. I’m now better equipped than I was in high school, but yep I can certainly see how you might have a little more trouble fending off another man. I’m more than prepared (at least I think so) to fend of a guy, but I think I’ll be more than sufficiently grossed out if a woman comes onto me, because that just isn’t the way I float. I think you’re right about the reason(s) for why most men who harass women do so and am glad you agree with me about them deserving the contempt they attract. Thanks again. Cheers.

Thank you for your review. You’re quite right on all counts.

I’m not referring to a guy looking at an attractive girl. I look at attractive men, though I do try not to let them catch me doing so. :) By “sexual harassment”, I’m referring to leering(in the way that is akin to sneering)-which is degrading and, in my experience, largely intended to be degrading-stalking, caressing/fondling, suggestive comments, rumors, etc., done not necessarily for reasons having to do with sexual urges, but as often(or more so) for the desire to hurt, anger, and/or simply control. I’m referring to carrying on in said-manner for, in my own experience, almost every day of high school, knowing all the while that I hated him. Rather than me continuing to type all night(for I almost certainly could given the opportunity), please feel free to read the other pieces that I’ve posted on my page. They, I hope, will give you the best(worst) idea possible of my experience with sexual harassment. Cheers.

Thanks for pointing out the typo. ‘That’ was supposed to be ‘than’. As for using my experiences, it was written for an English Composition I paper. The goal in that was to find that fine line between using my experiences and dwelling too much on me. For format, I hope you’ll the following research paper better; its also posted on my page, as are about as many other pieces are most anyone could want to read, maybe more. :) For the empathy and the feeling of advocacy, thank you again. Aside from raising awareness, that was exactly what my goal was in choosing this subject for my argument paper, as well as for the subsequent research paper. —Mandy

This actually isn’t a rewrite of the criticism piece; this was written in Fall 2005 as an argument paper for English Composition I, but thank you. One determines if the sexual overtones are wanted or not when the recipient is noticably uncomfortable, angry, etc. and/or when he/she says to stop. As for where the power struggle is, I don’t know. I can only assume that it lies in a guy trying to prove to himself and/or to others that he is a man, stronger than a woman and all that stuff. “Sexual harassment isn’t limited to members of any specific age, gender, size, religion, or sexuality; however, this essay is going to focus on the victimization of high school students, mainly girls.” I did this b/c it’s an argument paper and, though I can address the fact that it happens to guys, I can’t personally argue how a guy feels. Too, typically, when guys are victimized, society traditionally tends to view them as being weak and as needing to “toughen up”, whereas when it happens to girls, all too often it’s perceived as being ‘just a routine part of adolescence’ unless she’s raped, w/o regard to the fact that sexual violence isn’t limited to adolescence. Yes, it could cover a much broader basis; but, being an English Composition I paper, my instructor would have had me narrow my range of focus. Indeed, she did. :)

You have expository skill for sure! Very complex subject matter.  

Thank you for your review of Nothing Routine About It. As an ad, that would make for a good point; however, my purpose in writing this wasn’t/isn’t to press on to others the likelihood of them having been victims. My purpose was to bring a higher level of awareness to the seriousness of sexual violence in schools. For instance, the realization for society overall that sexual violence isn’t just a routine part of growing into a woman. It isn’t just him harmlessly flirting and me over-reacting. It’s daily/2 or 3 times daily leering, suggestive comments, stalking, rumors, and schmoozing with his hands in my hair and on my neck, shoulder, and back. It’s these things happening in class, in the halls, at lunch, and outside at school. Its nightmares for years later. For some, its self-mutilation, attempted/successful suicide, or homicide. This was written also b/c its almost amazing how many people dismiss this as being ‘Just part of being a teen’ or ‘usual teen angst’, as if everything I’ve gone through (physical, psychological, and emotional) can be categorized as ‘usual teen angst’, never mind that I’m not a teen anymore.