Non-fiction / Three Feet From Gold by Karyn Elliott (Analysis)

Rating was difficult because I am unsure who your target audience is. So while the basic construction of the content is good, its effectiveness depends on the maturity level of the reader. You might include some notes to this effect for subsequent reviewers.

Spacing out all the paragraphs isn’t detrimental here, but I don’t see that the piece really needs it that way.

The writing begins with “one” and ends with “you” which is inconsistent.

Several minor grammatical errors.

Aside from two grammatical errors ,your piece flowed well until the last sentence which should be reworked.

I’m assuming this is a parable geared towards younger children. If so the writing is perfect for that demongraphic. You have good pacing, your sentence lengths are fine. The grammar seemed tight. It depends on what your intentions are, I can see this in a book of similar stories geared towards children. If you want an older audience there is more work, such as focusing mroe details on characters, descriptions incorporating better dialogue, and truly enhancing the atmosphere. A quick hint, there isn’t a need to have so many rating categories when you select several of the same topic.

There is a nugget in here, needing a good polishing. First off, you need to either cut or move your opening. It’s out of place where it is.

In terms of the writing, this is like overhearing a story on a bus from someone who had read a longer piece and was summarizing it. There is no sense of engagement, just a bunch of telling about stuff. If you want to publish this, reimagine it so that Darby is a character, not someone who plays offstage, as it were.

Exclamation points probably should never be used in narrative, unless sarcasm is intended. If you feel the need to add them to spruce up the piece, then you’re feeling the same lack the reader feels.

This can be improved and should be. Work some on telling it as a story you’d tell to a group of teens at a church group or some other community event and you’ll be on a good track.

This is put together well, has a good flow to it.  There are a few typos, you might want to scan for those.

You say, “Finally, they accepted failure and quit.”  How long did this take?  Days?  Weeks?  Years?  It would certainly help to illuminate the context and also better frame Darby’s character.  I mean, if he quit after a couple of weeks, I’d have little respect for him.

Take out the exclamation point, the point you’re making can stand on its own without it.      

I really think it would benefit you to rewrite this story. It’s not the idea that’s a problem, it’s a good one, but your mechanics need some fine tuning. There is very little information about Darby. I still don’t have a clear picture as to who he is. Some information about the gold rush would help as well as accurate terminology on mining.It’s more like you’re telling me something you heard about, not the real life about a real person in a real situation. This story needs more discription such as what did the mountians look like, what did Darby feel, see, touch, hear? This could be so much better with more effort and research.

Your words made this reader feel.

Your non fiction is great.  You have the who, what, when, where, how and feel in your words.

Keep up the good work.

You are a writer.

Thanks for the insite.

I agree with your concept. It makes sense. It does seem like many people fail because they quit before they’ve really used all their resources. Seeking help isn’t shameful, in fact alot of the time it saves you from shame, at least for me it has. Good piece, right to the point, very blunt. Not bad at all. I enjoyed.

Confused about the moral—is it ‘don’t quit when confronted with a temporary defeat or set back’ or is it ‘educate yourself before you jump into something?
Otherwise it’s a nice pithy illustration.

i should first state that i’m not much of a writer, in fact i’m not much of a reader either. i left a 10 on all of the goal rankings related to publication and agencies because i don’t know anything about that and it wouldn’t be fair to you for me to act as an authority on the matter. sorry if i got you excited but we are not allowed to leave them blank and i figured it was better than leaving a 1. with that said, i found your piece very well structured and mature…perhaps too much so. it seemed to lack color and was not all too captivating. on the other hand, i liked the story and the moral within it, though i didn’t think it had to be stated in the end for closure…that’s for children’s books. overall it wasn’t my kind of reading but was well done and many may thoroughly enjoy it. hope this was helpful.