Poetry / Always there

Always on the edges of perception,
Elusive, alluring. I want you and
You always seem to be just out of reach,
Always just where I cannot quite see you.

You hide your face from me,
Yet I see your hand in action.
I feel your breath on my neck and
Hear the sound of your breathing.

I turn around to see you there, always
In the shadows. I try to follow, ever
So close yet never getting near.
Just a glimpse, a flicker of light,
Laughter in the distance.

I cannot see you, I have not touched you
And I have not felt your hair. Wherever
You are, I love you and I’ll always be happy
Knowing that your there.

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Reviews

July 23, 2008

MsNikkie

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
24	100.0% (1 votes)	48.3%

personal info reviewer stats

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
20	F	Canada	July 24

MsNikkie reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

Overall, I really enjoyed this piece. There are a few minor changes I can suggest to you. But great write.

I would take the “and” from the line “Elusive, alluring. I want you and ”
This decreases unnecessary words, and improves the flow.
Although, to speak one more thought from this line, I love your word choice, “elusive, alluring”. These words bring power to the stanza.

I would also suggest removing, “just” from “Always just where I cannot quite see you.” – again because it seems unnecessary.

I quite enjoy the use of the senses in stanza two. Brings great imagery to the piece.

Stanzas three and four are absolutely captivating. Great word choices and flow.