Haha well I’m glad you thought so. Thanks for reading. =)
Journal, Diary, & Blogging / Juice Me
So there I was, ordering a juice from one of those little juice outlets you see all over the place in the city. You know the kind; filled with pseudo-new age thinkers, discussing deep subjects like what product to use to keep one’s hair up at such a crazy angle as well as the best monosyllabic response to employ against those they perceive as lacking sophistication and the latest designer clothes.
Anyway, I think the juice was a Raspberry Surpise or Morning Glory or something yummy sounding. And the girl says to me, ‘Can I have your first name?’ That’s what they do at these places – instead of giving you a number they get your first name and then when your juice is ready they call you by name and you get the juice and drink the juice and say this is nice and all is sweet cos they now know your name and it’s like a little over-the-counter-juice-bonding-exercise.
Of course, I was not familiar with this concept. Me, being deaf, thought she said, ‘Want that in the fast lane?’ to which I replied, ‘No.’
‘Sorry?’
‘I said no thank you. I don’t even know what it is.’ Which is the truth. I saw no fast lane.
‘Umm ok. Just have a seat over there.’
So I ambled over to the corner, took a seat and watched everyone get called by their first name to collect their juices. And then everything clicked. When mine was ready I just sorta slid up to the counter with my head tucked into my shirt like some exotic juice sucking sea-turtle.
‘Hopefully we’ll be seeing you again.’ she smiled as she handed me my juice.
‘Whatever.’ I mumbled. I rushed out of the store, sucking furiously on my straw, avoiding the gazes of those other patrons.
It’s true what they say you know; those juice-heads are all snobs.
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gymchik104 reviewed Version 1 -
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It started off a little slow in the beginning,but i enjoyed your blog.
“‘Whatever.’ I mumbled. I rushed out of the store, sucking furiously on my straw….”
I really liked that sentence. It really is the truth sometimes about juice bars.lol
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EES reviewed Version 1 -
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Your descriptions are really good and even though I have never seen or even know what one of these juice places are I can visualize it well enough, especiallu the sort of people to frequent there.
The “anyway” that starts the second paragraph is unnessary.
Haha. It is a funny and cute little story. I don’t see why you were embarassed though. Why not just say that you misunderstood what she said? You come off as weirder when you duck out of the place. hahah. I don’t know.
I like the little story and the decriptions!
labyrinth reviewed Version 1 -
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This sounds exactly like a day in my life.very funny. I love the idea of a little over the counter juice bonding .Very well done. It made me laugh out loud, which of course made everyont turn to stare at the weirdo laughing,but it was worth it .
Weaver reviewed Version 1 -
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This is amusing and well-written. I like your descriptions of the “pseudo-new age thinkers” and the ” over-the-counter-juice-bonding-exercise.” I’m sure they remembered you, even if they didn’t know who you were…
I would suggest using ‘cause instead of cos as a short form of because.
riverjordan reviewed Version 1 -
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hhaha.
sione this is excellent!
I really liked the first paragraph, it shows that your not from around there and to be honest, most people from the country would think that.
It made me laugh, thus you get top marks.
Catastrophe reviewed Version 1 -
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Not too bad. It was mildly amusing. I think you could have gotten a lot more mileage out of the misunderstanding, but that’s just me.
I’m always hesitant to mention mechanical errors in the blog category, because they usually are such personal writings, and I wouldn’t correct someone’s diary (honest). But there are a few, in case you plan on editing this at some point. :)
Nytefist7 reviewed Version 1 -
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Pretty good. It’s funny, in a lightweight tone kind of way. I feel like you’re writing in the same way you would probably speak, as the sentences tend to be long and then long some more. Try to find a way to break up the verbage somewhat. The part..”exotic, juice sucking sea-turtle.” is pure gold. You’ve got the wit going on, I think you could flesh this out a little, include some non-humorous observations, so you get some “pop” when you let a real sarcastic line loose. When all the commentary is supposed to be funny, the overall product gets a little diluted. I hope all this makes some sense.
itacaregaucho reviewed Version 1 -
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Interesting tale. It’s had a nice flow. I’m beginner in English Language because this I can not write about grammar, but I really appreciate your style to write and the way you choice to finish. Really cool!
Keep writing!
Aloha!
nelson1 reviewed Version 1 -
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LOL, I found this very funny, I went through something similar in Denmark, No critisism to give other than this could also go in the new humour sattire section.
I’d loved to of seen the assistants face when you said I don’t know what it is, lol.
Tabris reviewed Version 1 -
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Unfortunately, there seems to be no real idea here.
On one hand, you’ve got this pseudo-comedy going, but the story fails to connect, and insofar as a blog, it’d only real manage as a personal reflection, because I, as a reader, as one individual, failed to make anything out of it, except that it was an attempt. Probably to be funny, it seems. But, to be frank, the joke sucked.
Idea: Connect that last line better, and work on the last paragraph.
Read the sucker over, it just doesn’t flow.
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