Always nice to hear about poets inspiring others. Thanks for the review.
Poetry / Puzzling
I woke up this morning.
It’s been six months
that I’ve had that puzzle
laying out on the table…
I started by pouring
all the pieces from my heart.
I’ll confess there’s an art
to sifting through the gaps
and Lord knows there’s no lack
of holes in my spirit-
missing parts of my soul-
and all that I’m left with
is my final goal:
to complete this damn puzzle
that I’d started alone,
the one you messed up
and, for reasons unknown,
stole the final piece,
the one I kept
at the deepest of depths;
I can only hope
I’ll find a replacement one yet.
But I know if I see you
that you’ll silently smile
as you watch me realize
what you knew all the while:
the piece that is missing
you didn’t steal, but received;
I wanted to blame you,
but the fault lies with me.
So by the end of the day
I will lay back in bed,
shivering and shaking
from the cries in my head:
that the puzzle of hearts
that I’d foolishly begun
will never be finished,
will never be done.
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Paul_Archer reviewed Version 2 -
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Very good. I loved the idea of the broken pieces of a love affair being like the broken pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. Putting the pieces together to make the picture is a puzzling exercise a lot of people must have gone through. The conclusion that there will always be a piece missing, and it would be better to move onto a new picture puzzle/love affair seems to be the right one.
If there are faults in the technique of the poem, they are when in loses its fresh insight and becomes a bit pat. For example in S3 the verse is more like what you’d find in a greetings card than a poem:
But I know if I see you
that you’ll silently smile
as you watch me realize
what you knew all the while
And the last lines of this stanza are so obviously prosaic, they fall flat:
I wanted to blame you,
but the fault lies with me.
However, with revision, this could be a really exciting poem as it has a great idea at its heart.
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gymchik104 reviewed Version 2 -
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This poem is beautiful. It definitely conveys a broken heart.
“I wanted to blame you,
but the fault lies with me.”
It’s easily understandable and relatable.
Keep writing!
JD
Trenchtownrock reviewed Version 2 -
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Very interesting piece. I love the imagery that was used for your heart and how he stole a part of you when he left. It brings me back to my own life and the brokeness that I felt over and over again because of the countless regrets. This piece inspired me to write about my own brokeness and the missing pieces in my life.
CelestialAlchemist reviewed Version 2 -
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Yea, that was a nice piece. It seems to me as though you were struggling (in the poem)to sort through the meanings of memories,thoughts,and emotions like the scattered pieces of a large puzzle that you will never complete because you will never actually have all the pieces because the puzzle itself isn’t yet complete..or you aren’t.
lifeasyoureadit reviewed Version 2 -
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This was an interesting take on your “broken heart.”
I liked the comparison of it to the puzzle, that was very creative.
It’s a good poem, but is slightly choppy especially with the rhyme flow.
ultraviolence reviewed Version 2 -
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This is sweet, the imagery is nice if a bit pedestrian. I think the rhyming feels a little cutesy in places. “Kept” and “depths” don’t really work as rhymes. I very much liked
“I’ll confess there’s an art
to sifting through the gaps
and Lord knows there’s no lack
of holes in my spirit- “
That flowed exceptionally well.
xsashaxpatriciax reviewed Version 2 -
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The words just flow. The imagery and vocab work well together. This is captivating and it makes you think about the event. The symbolism you have used is well chosen.
WritingProdigy reviewed Version 2 -
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This has a good concept,
although Im not a religious individual…
I still promote your self struggle tawards finding your god.
You need to articulate meening into your poem,
creating fealing, emotion, and sensual attributes to your writing.
jebozid reviewed Version 1 -
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You have some inconsistancy issues with rhyming and stanza lenght.
The poem has a certain mood but that “I woke up this morning.” first line pushes it to blues.
In my opinion you should and could shorten the whole poem, because quite frankly, you only talk about the puzzle pieces, some lines seem not so necessary.
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