Sorry to put this here but you haven’t revealed my review yet and I wanted to tell you this now so I don’t forget. Rereading your piece I have to agree with this reviewer and I have to say I actually forgot to put in my review that photons actually don’t have mass like this reviewer has already mention. Sorry about writing this comment here. Good luck though.
Short Story / The Darwin Drive
The reporter was frisked and scanned, then admitted into an oaken library the size of a soccer stadium. This was at the end of a ten minute walk through the foyer and the drawing room and God knows how many other rooms. That, after a twenty minute drive up something too grand to be called a driveway, and that after a ninety minute drive through some of the most secluded Connecticut countryside that money could buy.
A servant, who somehow looked incongruous because he wasn’t in livery, conducted the reporter in and shut the door behind him. The master of the household, Dr. Wolf, was on the second tier, and about 12 yards in from the doorway where the reporter stood. The doctor ignored his visitor for a good while, in a way that each knew was feigned, then slowly looked from the leather bound volume and down at the reporter.
“Well,” he said. “Ask your questions.”
Marvin Simon Wolfe: Physicist, co-inventor, with Hannah Darwin, of the propulsion system that had unlocked the stars for mankind. One of just a handful of human beings that knew how and why the Darwin Drive worked. Absolute recluse. Had never granted a single interview, to the print press or hyper-news or broadcast pundits, until now. Nobody knew why, and nobody outside this corner of Connecticut had seen the man for twenty years. It wasn’t even clear that there existed a noticeable percentage among the trillions that the human race had exploded to, that even knew or cared who Marvin Simon Wolfe was. But when a man who was richer than any man had ever been said send a reporter, a reporter came.
“Good afternoon, Doctor. I’m Robert Steeves, from the London Times Hypertext News Service.”
“So what? What are your questions?”
The reporter, Steeves, took a breath. “Lord Barker, our publisher, asked me to pass on his sincere thanks that you chose the Times to speak with you after many years of silence.” The dried up old bastard had actually made Steeves memorize and repeat that line. “He said to tell you that you can count amongst your friends, the Times.”
“Nice. Have you any questions?”
“I do, sir. Why have you decided to speak with the press at this time?”
“Because I’m dying. Stupid question. Continue.”
“Yes, sir.” Steeves licked his lips and recited a silent litany he used when dealing with the wealthy, the egocentric and other assorted low water-marks of humanity.
Bollocks to you, rat bastard
But what he said was, “Sir, what would you say has been the greatest gift given to mankind by the Darwin Drive?”
Wolfe looked thoughtful, and placed his book back somewhere on the shelf. He walked slowly, nodding all the while, ‘round the spiral stair case to the tier below. He approached the reporter.
“I made a bet with my assistant—the one who called your boss—that the first question posed by whatever limey idiot sent to me, would be some philosophical nonsense that included the words ‘gift’ and ‘mankind’. You just won me more money than you’ll make in fourteen lifetimes. Thank you.”
Bollocks to you, rat bastard.
“But, yeah, I’ll answer that question. My greatest gift to mankind has been saving the planet earth. My propulsion system has enabled all but what, twenty million or so, to get the hell off this planet, and thus cease destroying it. How’s that?”
“Indisputable.” Steeves was a pro. There would be no blowing his top and spewing any Bollocks to you, rat bastard that might be running through his head. Ergo, he’d nail whatever drivel the old kook wanted the world to know, he would write with the flair he knew he had (which the web’s senseless Philistines had yet to take proper notice of), and post the story that would get him laid for the next freaking year. Bring it on, you old loon.
“Did Dr. Darwin, or yourself, envisage this an outcome of your discovery? Being physicists, after all, and not planetary – “
“Simmer down, Chauncy, or you’ll miss your first scoop. There was no Dr. Darwin. I invented the Darwin Drive by myself.”
Steeves blinked. Far be it from he to agree with this miserable prick, but that was news. “Yes sir. You’re saying, sir, that Hannah Darwin did not invent with you the Darwin Drive?”
“That, and she never existed. I made her up. Think you’ll win some prize for that?”
“If I do, Dr. Wolfe, I hope you’ll accept my invitation to the acceptance ceremony. And my sincere thanks.” God, I hope this man dies. “You told me that you are dying, Doctor. Is there anything regarding that subject you’d like the Times to report?”
“Hmmm. I don’t know. Actually, Chauncy, that’s the first question you’ve asked that I didn’t anticipate, so I don’t have an answer ready for it. That’s why people with my IQ level excel at chess, you know, we think far, far ahead. So that’s kind of funny, when you think about it. I’m so much smarter than you, and yet you’ve dumbfounded me already just ‘cause you thought up a question I didn’t anticipate. Isn’t that funny?”
“Um, Do you think it’s funny, Doctor Wolfe?”
“Well, not funny funny, but funny in that other sort of way. Are you going to dumbfound me again?”
“Um,”
“Now I dumbfounded you. Get it?” He barked a laugh, and settled into an overstuffed reading chair. “Next question, Chauncy?”
“Why did you make up the character of Hannah Darwin?”
“Because I knew I was inventing something that would need a cool name, and I wanted it to be called the Darwin something. Do you want to know why?”
“Yes I do.” The mantra was forgotten; Steeves was gathering news.
“Because I started out a biologist, before studying physics. I was studying Darwin one day…are you writing this down, goddamnit?”
“Sir, I – “
“You listen to me, you goddamned moron. I did not bring you all the godawful way up here to get my words wrong, okay? And don’t you give me any ridiculous bullshit about having a photographic memory or I’ll have one of those big bruisers I’ve got somewhere around here to throw you out on your ass. There is no such thing as photographic memory, your so-called memories are altered and you don’t even know it. There’s never been one of you people that thought they could-”
“Sir I don’t have photographic memory.” It felt so good to interrupt. “I’m wearing a hypertext button. Right here on my vest, you see?”
“A what?”
“A hyper-button, Dr. Wolfe. Converts voice to hypertext – sort of little recorder button? Company of yours invented it?”
“Really? I had no idea. That little thing there, you say? We’ll call it the Darwin Button from now on.”
“Indeed we will, Dr. Wolfe. You said that you were a biologist, studying Darwin,” he prompted.
“Right. And I flashed upon what proved to be the most brilliant insight that had ever happened. Are you ready for this?”
“Ready, Dr. Wolfe.”
“Right. It occurred to me one day that Darwin’s theories, though essentially correct, seemed to violate certain fundamental laws of physics. Namely entropy. Now, I will assume that the reader is unfamiliar with, oh, just about everything, so allow me to explain. Chauncy, make sure you get this next part verbatim, okay? Isaac Newton was a very smart man who lived a long time ago, and he recognized the basic laws of the universe. Very smart man. Anyhow, his second law of thermodynamics…you need help spelling that? Good man. Second law of thermodynamics, says that systems cannot move from a state of disorder into a state of order. From disharmony unto harmony. Now, when you think about it, Evolutionist theory directly contradicts that doesn’t it?”
“Certainly seems to, sir.”
“Well of course it doesn’t, nitwit! The second law of thermodynamics applies only to closed systems. Closed systems, do you get it?”
“Sir?”
“Entropy is an absolute only when there is no input of energy. Simple amino acids could never form themselves, upgrade themselves, into complex proteins without outside energy. Right?”
“Absolutely right, Dr. Wolfe.”
“But the primordial Earth, back when that initial explosion of life took place, was lousy with energy. Tectonic forces, geothermal…hell, even lightning strikes and landslides and falling asteroids could play a role. So, it would seem that Darwin and Newton can exist comfortably side by side after all, correct?”
“Correct,” Steeves said with confidence.
“You’re a big stupid idiot and you should shut your mouth. They cannot, and I proved it. That’s where the brilliance that I told you about came into play. I created a series of models of that primordial Earth which seemed to suggest that life shouldn’t exist on this planet. My calculations show that there wasn’t enough applicable energy to bridge that gap from dumb amino acid to self-sustaining life. Even taking into account the stray comet strike, the energy simply wasn’t existent to spark a planet-wide biological evolution.”
“So we’re back where we started. With a conflict between biology and physics.”
“Right. And it very well could have stayed that way, a simple academic conundrum. Fortunately for mankind however, I obsessed over it, and I worked the problem for a good three years. It seemed to me that our planet is living in perpetual violation of the laws of physics. And I wanted to know why. Then it occurred to me that one of the few things that allows for apparent suspensions in physical laws, is a distortion of space-time. Now Chauncy, don’t be afraid to ask me to explain anything you don’t understand, okay? I don’t want any follow up phone calls from you, if you don’t mind.”
“Certainly, Doctor. Do please continue.”
“Right. So I asked myself, what is it about the earth that’s unique, that allows for a distortion in space-time? Because if both Newton and Darwin are correct, that means that there must a third variable, a mitigating variable, that is invisible to us. Now why have we not recognized this need for a third variable in our way of looking at the universe, you ask?”
“I do.”
“Because it’s the universe we’ve always known, that’s why. How are we going to recognize our universe as an anomaly when we’ve never experienced anything different?”
“But couldn’t the same be said for Newton? And Darwin too, for that matter.”
“What?”
“Well, Newton and Darwin experienced the same universe as the rest of mankind, didn’t they? So how do we know their theories apply to the rest of the universe, outside of our space-time?”
“Listen here, Chauncy…”
“If, as you say, our space-time is anomalous.”
“Are you trying to say you’re smarter that Isaac Newton, you schmuck? Listen, Newton was right, okay? If he wasn’t, my Darwin drive wouldn’t work, rockets wouldn’t work, and we couldn’t protect your miserable ass from planet-smashing asteroids that are bearing down on you even as we speak. Now quit interrupting. Earth, you may or may not be aware, is the largest planet possessing abundant liquid water. Well, it was at least until my company introduced terraforming out there. That’s irrelevant. Leave that part out, Chauncy. So, it occurred to me that cosmically speaking, this abundance of liquid water acts as a lens, do you see? A giant lens in space. And just like any optical lens, what it refracts is photons. And, I bet you didn’t know this: photons, which are light particles, have mass. Sunlight, then, has mass.”
Steeves had known that. It didn’t seem prudent to mention this, though.
“So this giant lens in space is refracting trillions and trillions of photons, and that weight adds up. In this very house can be found the formula writ in my own hand of the figure I came up with that wondrous day when all fell into place. But you can’t see it. The figure is something over a hundred and twenty two, with an exponent in four figures, of kilograms of photons per rotation, per hemisphere. And that is what makes me the smartest man alive. All that weight, you see, also acts as a lens. It is a gravity lens that bends space-time. Just a slight bend in space-time, as compared to a black hole which is an actual rift, that allows some suspension in the laws of physics. This brilliant insight enabled me to build a gravity lens that bends space-time in another way, to create an anomaly which will allow for faster-than-light travel. In this I am not unlike an optometrist, grinding a lens to prescription. Got all that, Chauncy? That is your Darwin Drive.”
“Sir…your syndicate has never before revealed the workings of the Darwin Drive. Why now?”
And now Dr. Wolfe was the one to blink. He settled deep in his chair. “To be honest, Steeves, I wasn’t sure you’d ask that question. I was hoping you would. Good work, man. Okay, this is my second greatest gift to mankind, are you prepared?”
“I am indeed, Doctor Wolfe.”
“We spoke of my dying. Lymph cancer, and it cannot be stopped. When I’m dead there will be one hundred seventy-two souls that know how to build a Darwin lens. All of them work at my plant some hundred miles from here. They’re all in one place, do you get it?”
Steeves was forced to concede that he did not.
“What if something happens? Earthquake, tornado, civil freaking war, I don’t know. I mean, what if they all get wiped out?”
“Then the secret of the Darwin Drive would be lost…” Steeves was following along, but slowly.
“Well think about what I’m telling you, man. You think something like this can just be re-invented? If mankind loses the knowledge I have discovered, it isn’t getting it back. Humanity is spread out over ten thousand planets right now, there is trade and commerce amongst the colonies, there is a computer hypernet connecting us all…but there’s not a single planet, Earth included, anywhere close to being self-sufficient. We need each other, every planet, every community. And unfortunately, I’m the only one at Darwin Technologies that thinks of crap like this. See… these guys that work for me, they’re kind of fixated on the bottom line thing. As a result of that, those guys’s priority all along has been keeping the gravity lens an absolute secret – a complete industrial monopoly. And once I’m gone, every last one of those bastards will take the lens design to their graves, it never even occurring to them that they’re dooming the human race to barbarity. This all occurred to me just this afternoon. So I had my man call your boss.
“So here it is: my board of directors have no idea I’m talking to the Times. If they get wind of all this before your story hits the ‘net, they’ll probably have you killed. But I still run the show, till this goddamned cancer is finished with me at any rate, and I’ll make sure they leave you alone. Okay? Your story, and my plans for the Darwin Drive, must be posted.”
“I am to understand that you are releasing the design of the Darwin Drive gravity lens to the London Times Hypertext News Service, sir?”
“Right. Post the whole thing, diagrams and schematics, we’ll make sure that even the dimmest dimwits out there can build one of these puppies. Someone’s going to make you something to eat, Steeves. You’re going to be here all night. I have a load of drawings for you to scan…and maybe you can see that formula after all.”
“Thank you, Doctor Wolfe.”
“Don’t mention it. I like you, you’re kind of smart. So here’s how it works…”
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THOTHGUARD51 reviewed Version 2 -
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You have the start of a good story here. You do fairly well with POV and Active voice storytelling once you get into the actual story.
But your opening is slow and awkward.
An opening paragraph has to be riviting and hold your readers by the short hair, making them want to read on.
Yours is a monolog told by some unseen narrator I know nothing about or care.
If the reporter is the POV at the opening, then bring them in sooner, show them arriving and all they went through, through their eyes, thoughts and emotions. Its more personal that way.
Another issue I had is the rambling thoughts of the reporter, appearing when they did, I was unsure if he was thinking this, commenting on it under his breath, or speaking it at times to the old guy. All the names used are confusing at times and the only one I am really sure of is Doctor Wolfe.
As to the Dr Darwin statement and that she is a figment of Dr Wolfe’s immagination, I think you could expand on it. You sort of just gloss over it when even as Dr Wolfe notes, its a scoop, a very large story.
Your ending makes me want to read on, if for no other reason than to see how the Darwin drive works and if it really gets to print, or do the company goons prevent it.
Nicely done.
Nick.
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Adrianrgcampbel reviewed Version 2 -
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Some interesting new ideas in this story and a reasonably convincing explanation of the invention.
What, I wonder would be the cumulative effect of 10 million Darwin drives being built by eveyone once the secret is known?
Will the reporter be able to publish the story before he’s killed ?
I also liked the hypertext button. When will someone like Sony build one ?
Jay1989 reviewed Version 2 -
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Rather gripping piece that was well crafted. I liked reading it, the whole Darwin Drive being kept secret and then the probability of mankind being unintentionally killed because how it works was never revealed. It reminded me of the Anti-Gravity Propulsion System I use in my stories.
I do have a few problems with it overall though. Firstly you write about Newton’s second law of thermodynamics but don’t you mean Newton’s second law of motion because Newton, as far as I know, nothing to do with the second law of thermodynamics? Secondly in some places, not all, you tell us how the character is feeling for example “Wolfe looked thoughtful”, but you don’t really show us how he looks thoughtful (Are his eyebrows raised? Is his face emotionless? Are his lips frozen still? Have his eyes grown wide).
There were some grammatical errors that I think you should go back and fix for example “Simmer down” I think should be “Slow down”.
Good read overall. Good luck with future writing.
Dante reviewed Version 2 -
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Very good work. I am interested in this story. You were able to get my attention and keep it. I am curious as to what will transpire in the oncoming chapters. What is it Steeves will have to endure to have this …news posted to the world. Will Dr.Wolfe live long enough for the cancer to kill him, or will he be killed off by a yet to be revealed murderer. Very good work, I applaud you.
solarflare reviewed Version 2 -
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The first thing I think I should say is HAHA. I like the way you created Dr. Wolfes’ personality. How he thinks so highly of himself and most, if not all people are inferior.
I wasn’t sure if him having the lymph cancer makes him so irritable or if it is just because he an old guy and has no patience for stupid questions and dim witted people.
The way you ended it definently leaves me wanting more. To see where the story goes and why the earth is in the shape it’s in, if it is just because of what people are doing right now or if something else happened. Also more of the Doctor’s wit and jabs would be enjoyable to read. Hope to see more of the story if you plan on writing it.
woodsprite reviewed Version 2 -
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Wow…you know your stuff. It’s kinda ironic…I am reading The Origin of Species right now…well, not right now. But you get the point. I really like this. I take it it is a chapter? Just some random thoughts. First…it’s good. My attention span when looking at a computer screen in short. That’s why I work mostly on poetry…that and it is my chosen form of verbal expression. But your piece kept me engaged. A sure sign of a successful piece of writing. The begining was awkward. I didn’t enjoy the backhanded way the reporters journey was relayed. It kept me retracing it in my head. Maybe try being more straight forward and linear in your description. Secondly…the begining scenes between the reporter and the doctor are awkward too. Mostly the doctor…his tone and attitude (which were revealed better later on) were not coming through here.
Near the end, the doctors’s language changes…it doesn’t work w ith the personality you had created prior for him…for example: “See… these guys that work for me, they’re kind of fixated on the bottom line thing. As a result of that, those guys’s priority all along has been keeping the gravity lens an absolute secret – a complete industrial monopoly. And once I’m gone, every last one of those bastards will take the lens design to their graves, it never even occurring to them that they’re dooming the human race to barbarity. This all occurred to me just this afternoon. So I had my man call your boss.” Sorry to paste all that in…but here the doctor sounds more like the reporter… “those guys’s” wouldn’t have come from the doctors mouth 10 paragraphs earlier.
I think your biggest challenge here is to go through each characters dialogue and make sure that each and every word, inflection and phrase is uniquely their own. I would read this again to give more feedback if need be…
Heidi
trismugistus reviewed Version 2 -
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I’ll cut straight to the chase – I found that very confusing, for two reasons.
The first problem is the story seemed to me to be riddled with contradictions. If he’s dying, why not just write the story himself and also dump the plans/schematics on the web himself? If he’s specifically asked for a reporter, why does he then act like it’s a huge inconvenience and that the reporter’s questions are annoying – why not just start talking? If he’s never given an interview, why does the times send a reporter who’s unrecognized? Also why don’t they send a science reporter? If Dr Wolf’s company invented the button thing, why did he not consider its existance, and even once it was mentiond go on to tell the guy to ‘make sure to write things down’? The point about the Darwin woman not existing seemed a bit thin, and also a little pointless – he invented it, he can just call it a Dawin drive if he wants, can’t he?
These were just a handful of the contradictions there seemed to be that confused me.
The other thing that confused me was the science. I actually studied Physics at Uni, and so reading all that seemed to make no sense at all – it was sometimes just wrong (photons have no mass, for example), and seemed a little, well, and I really don’t want to cause offence here … silly.
Applying the second law of thermodynamics to the Theory of Evolution by Natural Selection just pushes credulity to breaking point and left me scatching my head. If it was being done in a humorous way, or your character wasn’t supposed to be a genius, maybe, but with him presented that way, anyone familiar with these areas wouldn’t even consider it sensible to do that sort of thing.
I really apologise if this caused you any offense – I tried to explain it as best as I could without being emotive, and I would strongly recommend either a more thorough bit of research and a serious re-write or a major redraft. Sorry :(.
wrytergrrrl reviewed Version 2 -
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This wasn’t a bad story, though a bit lacking in action. The dialogue was quick and sharp and kept the flow going pretty well. The only real problem I had was that some of the sentences from Steeves seemed to be set up incorrectly. For example, “He said to tell you that you can count amongst your friends, the Times.” That doesn’t read very well at all and throws the reader off. This happens several times, and I couldn’t figure out if it was just an error you were making or if there is supposed to be a reason the character talks like that. Otherwise, I enjoyed reading this piece and think it was basically well done.
Nope reviewed Version 2 -
Read 100%% of the Item
Opening sentence could be catchier.
Avoid stating sentences with ‘But’.
“The reporter, Steeves, ”—just introduced himself. Drop ‘the reporter’.
Suggest “Our publisher, Lord Barker” just to avoid it sounding like he’s addressing Wolfe as Lord Barker, which is confusing. Also maybe “count the Times amongst your friends”.
Shouldn’t the the in “The Times” be capitalised (since, presumably, it’s part of the paper’s name)?
Love the litany.
Use “around” not ”’round”; it looks weird in the narrative instead of in dialogue.
“Um, Do” – lowercase d.
The button is a neat little idea.
Wolfe is well characterised. Steeves, too. (I keep wanting to read that as Steve, though). The opening paragraph does well to set the scene, although, as I said, it didn’t really grab me. The first line needs to be snappier, or maybe you could extend it some more—describe the frisking/scanning in greater detail, emphasise the security?
Workable dialogue, quite readable for a talking head / exposition heavy piece. There’s no real kick in the tail, though -- is this the whole thing or the start of something else? Will the reporter be killed -- or is he working for the board all along? I think this could be a very good start to something.
Witchy_Child reviewed Version 2 -
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I liked this very much. Your aptitude for science comes through, and you actually make it easy to read and understand. I really liked the dry and crusty humour of the inventor. The reporter’s cockiness is fitting too. I see nothing that really needs improving. It was an enjoyable read, and I hope you get this published somewhere. The scientific community would have a field day.
Thanks for the read!
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