Poetry / Unwrapping

ha, nice poem, i really enjoyed your imagery and the structure of this poem, the dash’s to emphasize the onomatopoeia on was amazing,to compare it all to such a familiar taste a brilliant, brings the poem home

good work

Carson

Evocative and exciting

I really enjoy the second stanza, the analogy of somebody unraveling like candy really flows well through my head. Maybe you could even develop that analogy some more in the stanza above.

The first stanza, i believe needs to be reworked a bit in both length and content. the last two lines i enjoy very much however. The two ‘sweet sounds’ don’t really sound sweet to me, perhaps I am not hearing or saying them right aloud, perhaps they aren’t meant to read aloud in that manner.

Prickled the hairs on the back of my neck and made me say “ohh”. Wonderful.  Only thing I could find to pick out – is the last or’s placement.

Good metaphor, interesting images. I assume this is symbollic of undressing a person. As such, undressing should be compared to unwrapping in descriptions of each act – extend the metaphor. Don’t use so many references to food without describing how they relate to undressing. Frequent references to food make the reader hungy, not longing.

Sweet, sensuous and yummy.  Like passion is a question…”like two twists of a sweet” and we are not knowledgeable of what that passion brings….I like the flow, beginning with a question and ending with a question…like love/passion is questionable.  The voice was sultry and sexy!

Most complete piece of work i’ve reviewed yet. I’d be freindin’ ya?