Poetry / The Wind Who Came and Stole My Life Away (Analysis)

I Liked it, but I would change this part—

“While behind kind eyes

Heavy doubts swept in
Overshadowing the possibility of love.
Calm in the eye of disaster.
A warning signal not heeded.”

I would start that stanza with “While behind Kind Eyes” instead of finishing the stanza before like that…It just sounds better to me and makes it much clearer for the reader!!  Thanks for sharing this poem with us.

i like the title a lot

the poem is understandable
it does wander a bit – as a necessity of the format you used
but
i think using formats is fun sometimes
and interesting to limit yourself and challenge you

the ambiance and feel of the poem is good
it reads delicate and full of desire
reads a bit old school, like a a Shakespeare piece

i think the poem closes nicely
it wraps up, but continues on

good piece

This is undoubtedly, one of the best poems I have read on here.  Even with the added restriction of using the title vertically it still flows well and stretches the mind.
Kudos

I think the flow of this works. I did not understand what you meant by each line uses the letters from the title (must be blind cause could not work it out) I thought that you meant if you read downwards of each letter of each line you would read the title again. Am I confused?? Otherwise nice wrtiting and you create good imagery. Well done. I did not find any typos or grammatical errors so in that sense it does not need further editing. Rach

I see the idea, and to a degree I enjoyed it.  It got a bit stretched trying to fit the overall theme with the acrostic, but an overall good job.

Thanks for bring this technique to Urbis. I was not aware of this type of poetry or that it has a specific name.
I am taking the meaning of each stanza and trying to come up with suggestions that will make their meaning more complete.This way your message isn’t lost, and will improve the flow of the poem.Since poetry has a lot of synbolism ,it is easier to stretch the thoughts you are portraying.
S1 the last line needs to be changed after happiness that will make some sense that rhymes with face.For example… “kept in a case”

S2 kind eye I wait for a glance

S3 a warning signal that is fractured
S4 “Never once” would he or she “look back”
S5  ”affection,”  has another.
S6 Great,  I just wish the next line in S7 could come up to this stanza. However,that would break your 4 line stanza pattern.
S7 second line I would add ” and,” not displayed
   third line I think you mean breathe, and expand on this last line  with tragically…(frayed ) may  work  
S8 last line needs a finish that has a bang to it. “Years defying this reality”
I do like this poem , and you have put forth great effort to make it succeed. I hope my examples will help you , and that I am going in the direction that you started originally.

hi there,

i don’t uusually read poems , just lyrics but reading this i am impressed ,very good and i’ll leave it at that..keep writing, you have talent, jim