Poetry / My Children

This is quite a good creative work. It clearly gives a picture of the heart and feelings of a mother caught in this (hopefully fictional) situation.
There are a few mechanical errors, line 3 “and I and struggle”, line 4 “abuse have become” should be either “abuses have”, or “abuse has”, last line needs commas after “missing”, and “soul”.
There seems to be a little problem with the picture painted by the piece in that   it is from the viewpoint of the woman tied up and alone. But then the person knows of the delight of the kidnappers watching her struggle, also she knows of her children watching her and she knows of their abuse. Then the last line “My children are missing”, again implies that she is alone. The problem is that in many lines the woman is speaking of what she sees or knows both firsthand and present tense while at the same time being alone.
I would suggest artistic changes
Line 6: “They take it” “It” seems too vague, maybe “they take the torment”, or “the pain”.
Last line: “My children are missing and so is my soul” to “My children are tortured, and so is my soul”.
I really like the theme and general picture, the feelings that this evokes of hopelessness and fear are really excellent, and not often is this the subject of poetry. I gave it a 7, with rewrite, probably 10.

I like this poem, I feel for the mother,and like the way the line “I push and I and struggle” it adds to the sadness, like when someone cries and can not get the words out. I think you should add more lines where the words get too jumbled to make sense. The line “my children have become their’s and their abuse have become my children’s” makes me want to know more. Who is their? The poem might be stronger if you tell who or what is abusing them. Anyways, I really enjoyed this poem. Good job!

This would be too bleak for me, but it is so heart rending in its content.  You express very well what the narrator is feeling—the helplessness of having her children taken  from her, her situation, and the reality that God is not to be found and will not answer a cry from the soul.

You might want to check your grammar—I think it should be their abuse has become my children’s, instead of have.

This poem tears at the gut.  Good job.  Hope it’s not a personal experience.

I think that this poem had an interesting way to draw me in and make me feel fear even though I don’t have any children. I felt connected to the emotions of the poet. I think that the 4th line was genius! It captivated me!

Altough it seems a nightmare, in my opinion I would better try to make softer the structure. Sometimes is a little confuse, the mix of short with too long verses. The insistence of “and” along the whole poem, maybe fades its possibly musical power, however a bit distressing. I guess you’ll get better rates in a next version.

I like how you made it easy for me to feel her emotions, even though I don’t have kids of my own you make it easy to understand the pain.

this is very touching in its portrayal of loss… grammar, punctuation & clarity need attention

rain all alone/rain, alone
and I and struggle/and i struggle
become their’s (another’s?) and their (whose?)abuse have become my children’s./(clarification)
sweet and innocent/sweet, innocently-with innocence

it’s good. keep wotking on it.

Hmm. I’m a little confused as to the subject of this. IT sounds like the circle of abuse, but its rather fragmented.  I highly suggest an expansion with more lines, explaining what is going on – who’s delight, who stole them?  Why is the soul and heart dead?  Answering these questions will definitely make the poem a lot more appealing.

deep, but good