Thanks haikudo. You made my freaking day!!! thanks thanks thanks thanks thanks thanks thanks thanks thanks thanks thanks thanks thanks thanks thanks thankyou thanks thanks ta thanks thanks…
Humor/Satire / The Unbearable Randomness Of Names
When I was working at the central post office in the city there was a guy on the graveyard shift called Dwayne Eddy. This struck me as odd when I first heard his name called out over the P.A. system because I knew that name belonged to a famous and innovative guitar player from the 1950s who was instrumental in the development of the rock and pop guitar sound. But Dwayne Eddy`s name used to get called out over the PA at least once every night for the three years or so that I was working there.
I had aspirations even back then to do something with my songs, with my music. And hearing the control officer call out over the PA: ”Dwayne Eddy. Dwayne Eddy. Can you please report to the controller’s office immediately….Dwayne Eddy”, that just served to remind me, every single night, that the universe may be trying to give me a hint, a nudge towards music as a possible future.
And if it wasn’t a message meant for me it was a message meant for one of the other 570 poor fools working the same shift.
“Dwayne Eddy…Dwayne Eddy…..can you please play us a couple of cool rockabilly instrumentals to take us out to morning tea….Dwayne Eddy, Dwayne Eddy, can you please sign my signature Les Paul guitar…Dwayne Eddy, Dwayne Eddy….can you please do a pick up from section D. Dwayne Eddy….”
There was another dude on that same shift called John Wayne and when I first saw him I thought to myself that no human being could possibly have looked less John Wayne-like than our John Wayne. He had a hunch in his back, a broken nose and weighed 97 pounds. I know because one night a few of us who did not have famous names tied John Wayne up in a mail bag and placed him on the gigantic electronic scales down in on the despatch dock.
The early shift didn’t let the team down either… they boasted Errol Flynn and Gary Cooper among their ranks.
And on odd occasions, in moments that will surely last in one’s memories forever, the controller would need two of these famous names at the same time.
Controller: ”John Wayne and Gary Cooper, could you please report to primary three. John Wayne and Gary Cooper.”
And when you heard that, and especially when you realised that no one else was laughing, you knew it was time to get out. Get some other job. You knew it could never get that good again.
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
thesnoopyone reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
Great little piece. Things you think of on the night shift. Random coincidenses maybe.
- add/view comments (0)
now_collapse reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
Honestly, this is one of the first humor pieces I’ve read that I actually found funny. Thank you. Haha, it’s defenitely something I wouldn’t mind reading more of. Also, there were no spelling or grammar mistakes that jumped out at me, so it was very easy to just read and enjoy. GOod job. :)
BambiPurrs reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
Heh heh heh … amusing. I wish you had gone further with it, perhaps some daydreaming of the combinations called, or how you saw Loretta Lynn eating at the dime store and paying with a check? I liked it.
haikudo reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
A book of your own… I hope so; 10. I have many common experiences. Satire – Overall ten also, for the same reason. I know exactly what you mean. I just don’t have the time, or talent, to make it seem funny. And it is funny. Become a famous writer, and remember us when.
Brynn reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
LOL well you made me smile. My favorite part was the “John wayne and Gary Cooper” in the same page. In my opinion I like my satire/humour to be a bit more witty and sharp but this one had a wierdness factor that doesnt come about too often. I work in a lrage corporation also with HUNDREDS of ppl, none of which have famous names. I also like the line when you described that no one else was laughing…frames well the daily grind we all know and hate. Fairly well done, but I would put something sharp to draw the reader in and hold him right away.
Eve
Reaper reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
This was good. It had a nice flow to it. ’when you realized that no one else was laughing, you knew it was time to get out.’ – that had to be my favorite part. I didn’t find anything wrong with this piece grammatically or otherwise. Is the book you’re putting together a novel or collection of short stories?
arualsuga reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
eh… I don’t find it so funny as ironic. It’s a bit hard to believe that there are that many people with famous names in the one place. through my 10 years of schooling I’ve come across one ‘Russel Crow’ and one ‘Michael Jackson’ but that’s all. I’d like to see how this works as a book, I think it would be better like that than in little pieces like this.
VoidSucker reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
This is amusing but you have a long sentence here that needs splitting up:
‘This struck me…pop guitar sound’
Why not:
‘When I first heard his name over the P.A. system this struck me as odd. Was he the famous guitar player from the 1950s, instrumental in the development of the rock and pop guitar sound?’
The rest is okay but it suffers a bit because your piece is essentially one joke stretched out to 400 words. If you could somehow build upon this it would be funnier, eg why not end it by telling us the PA announcer is called Mary Poppins?
freckleface reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
Wow. This is a great anecdote, with great storytelling. I was thinking the same when I read the ending… funny you chose the resolve you did. :)
When I worked in television news, we had 3 Heidis around there – “Big Heidi” (she was 5’11”), “Middle Heidi” (she was midsized), and me – “Little Heidi” (I’m 5’1”) – I thought that was funny, but this takes the cake (esp. the part about tying John Wayne up)!
Emilee reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
oh my goodness! that is FUNNY. I love the dry approach you bring to this. Many people can relate, we all know those “gary coopers” and “john waynes” and how utterly unlike their eponyms they turn out to be like. I wonder if their parents name them after famous people in admiration or hopes or sheer ignorence?
Showing 1 - 10 of 19
Next →
Review item
Add to favesCreator
Relevant Links
Item Stats
GENERAL
19 Reviews 15 Comments
Version 1
Latest Activity: 7 months ago
REVIEW QUEUE
Appeared in Queue: 114 Times
Skipped: 2 Times
Ratings & Rankings
