Short Story / A moose with a balloon in its teeth
Once, not too long ago, on a cold and frosty morning, a large, elderly moose known as Deniigi to his friends was making his slow, meandering way along a well-trodden pathway through the endless, rolling snowdrifts. As he walked, Deniigi pondered the nature of his world.
I am an old moose, he mused, and in all my years I have not received the respect that surely is my due. For do I not grow a fine pair of antlers every year as grand and sturdy as anyone could wish for? And have I not sired many strong calves and ensured the survival of my blood? And yet, it seems, this is not enough. There must be something I can do that will allow me to earn the admiration I so desire.
Deniigi continued along the path, thinking his thoughts in this manner when, from the corner of his rheumy eye, he espied something bright on a branch poking out from the glistening snow. He approached it cautiously, for it cannot be said that Deniigi was a particularly brave moose, and discovered a spherical object seemingly floating above the branch, its tail tangled amongst the twigs, and it bobbed and danced as though trying to be free. Deniigi was impressed by its vivid colour; a golden yellow, not unlike the sun on a midsummer’s day.
He tried to engage the thing in conversation. ‘Excuse me, but do you need some assistance? You appear to be trapped.’
The object remained silent and merely let itself be buffeted by the breeze. Deniigi thought for a while and concluded that the yellow thing was just that: a thing, not a creature.
This beautiful yellow ball which floats on the breeze would cause all to admire the one who possesses it, thought Deniigi, excitedly. And so he reached towards it, but when the object touched his nose, he could at once feel its strange, smooth skin resist his touch. The skin was stretched tautly and would not afford Deniigi a place to grasp it with his teeth, and, besides, it appeared to be quite delicate. Instead, he decided to take hold of its tail which was still intertwined with the branch. Ever so carefully placing the tail between his teeth, Deniigi found that the yellow object could be freed easily with a gentle tug or two. Triumphantly, he set off to show the other moose his treasure and, no doubt, receive their admiration.
On his way back to the herd he met a raven. The raven looked emaciated. Undoubtedly it was suffering this cold, harsh winter.
‘Moose! What is that thing you hold between your teeth? Is it edible?’ called the raven.
‘No, I do not believe it is. I found this wonderful floating object and now it is mine. You are quite in awe I see,’ replied Deniigi, delightedly.
The raven appeared to consider the bright yellow object. Eventually he spoke.
‘Friend moose, you are correct. For who would not be in awe of one that can acquire a piece of the sun itself? My name is Saghani and I offer my services to you who, surely, must be mighty and invincible with such a treasure in your possession.’
‘A piece of the sun? Invincible?’ Deniigi was confused.
‘Indeed, I have heard legends of mighty warriors who were able to possess the sun and this made them invincible in battle. Clearly, you are such a warrior.’
‘Yes, I suppose I must be. Thank you, Saghani. I, Deniigi, will be sure to call upon your services in the future,’ Deniigi replied grandly. He then continued on his way back to the herd, all the while relishing his new-found status of mighty warrior.
As he approached the herd, he saw that all the moose noticed his arrival, heralded as it was by his bright, bouncing yellow object.
‘What have you got between your teeth, old Deniigi?’ the moose asked him.
He proudly raised his head and replied, ‘This is a piece of the sun which I have claimed for myself. Its powers have been transferred to me, making me an invincible warrior.’
The moose were all silent and then, as one, they burst into unrestrained laughter.
‘You are an old fool!’ they exclaimed. ‘Where did you get that strange idea?’
Deniigi, doubting himself for a second, looked up and saw Saghani flying towards him, apparently in great distress.
‘My friend Saghani, the raven, told me what this magnificent thing is. Here he is now. He will tell you.’
Saghani reached the herd of moose and landed inelegantly on the snow, gasping for breath. ‘Hurry…you must…hurry!’ he sputtered. ‘Wolf! A wolf is coming. He is hungry. Only you can stop him Deniigi, mighty warrior!’
The herd of moose were both stunned and terrified. Some began to panic and stampede away from the direction Saghani had come. Others looked to Deniigi for leadership, hoping that this mighty warrior would save them all. Deniigi saw the wolf loping towards the herd. He saw the hunger in his eyes and the saliva dripping from his lolling red tongue. The moose’s old heart was gripped with fear but the piece of sun he held in his teeth reassured him. He looked up at it and its bright yellow colour made him feel strong; strong enough to fight off the wolf, even. Bravely stepping forward to meet the oncoming adversary, Deniigi called out a challenge to the wolf.
‘Stop! Do not come any closer, wolf! I am Deniigi, master of the sun and mighty warrior. I will not let you harm this herd.’
The old moose stood firm and proud and the wolf stopped in his tracks, suddenly wary of approaching. His gaze was fixed on the bright yellow object and he appeared to be shaking slightly. Slowly, he began to retreat from Deniigi, cringing and cowering as he went. Then, when he was a reasonable distance away, he turned his tail and fled as fast as he could. Behind Deniigi arose a great cheer from the moose.
‘Mighty warrior and hero! Deniigi is our hero!’
Deniigi realized that what the raven had said was the truth. His bright yellow piece of the sun had given him awesome strength and bravery and had helped him to protect his herd. He felt stronger and braver than he had ever done in his life and he knew for sure that he had finally attained the revered position in the herd he had so desperately craved.
‘Fellow moose, we need never again fear another predator as long as I, Deniigi, am your protector and deliverer from harm.’
And with that the herd then turned their attention to celebrating, and all the moose had words of praise and admiration to offer old Deniigi.
Meanwhile, no one noticed Saghani quietly retreating from the herd in the same direction the wolf had taken. He flew swiftly and stealthily, making certain that none of the moose saw where he was going. He soon caught up with the wolf.
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
This is very fable sounding.
I like the idea but I think you can come up with a better title than that. You say you’re stuck on the ending. Is the raven actually a traitor? Is he going to tell the wolf the balloon is really nothing? I was trying to figure out where you were going with the raven, but I think you could even end it simply with the moose triumphing.
Something I noticed:
“he espied something bright” I think you meant to say spied.
But overall it was an enjoyable read.
- add/view comments (0)
this is really wonderful. i hope you come up with your ending. the title is not nearly as magnificent as the story. my hope would be that it ends in some magical / mythical way. (please don’t pop the balloon!) i think this has so much great potential for a children’s story – and crosses the border to adult fairy tale. if i had written this and was looking for an ending i would re-read all the myths and fairy tales. this has some of that magic and that is a powerful achievement.
First off, I love the way you ended it. Saghani however confuses me slightly because in the beginning you say, “The raven looked emaciated. Undoubtedly it was suffering this cold, harsh winter.” But nowhere else in the text do you reference his thinness, or hunger. Unless of course you mean to imply that he was hoping the wolf would kill the moose so they could both eat it.
Other than that this is a very good story. You could easily attach a moral to it like, “Believe in yourself and everything is possible”
You did an amazing job with your word choice, it adds to the overall tone of the story.
I love love love the idea of a moose with a balloon. :)
This can be read for most ages and should be. You bring the reader into the story with the simple yet charming phrasing. You had me feeling sorry, happy, sad, and embarrassed for Deniigi all under 1200 words. I want to read more.
The characters are developing well for this amount of writing. Your ending is a great cliff hanger. Keep this up you will get published.
I like it alot. You should finish. You really are a talented writer, although I am not sure if the structure is perfect (but then again I don’t write in this format). I really invisioned this as like one of those Disney or Pixar cartoons. You should make it full length, going into Deniigi’s story abit more, as a old moose that has lost respect among the younger stronger warriors of the tribe who all run when the wolf comes. Maybe the Wolf and Raven decided to do that so that next time the herd don’t run, then it’ll be like an all you can eat buffet (with the raven eating his leftovers). All in all, I liked it and you should build on it, and make it a full length story.
Showing 1 - 5 of 5
Review item
Add to faves
GENERAL
REVIEW QUEUE
Ratings & Rankings
| Version 3 | Version 2 (Deleted) |
| Version 1 |