Short Story / I can hear now

I sped through traffic, panicking and on the verge of crying. The hospital used to be so close, but it seemed far away today. Just 10 minutes ago I was relaxing and eating cereal when I got a call that my Grandma had been rushed to the hospital earlier this morning. I did not know the severity of her situation, yet I did know that she had been in bad health the last few years. She’d never been hospitalized. But now I thought the worst had happened and I would not be able to say goodbye.

I remembered when I was around the age of nine and my mom would take me to Grandma’s house to visit. When we knocked on the solid hickory door an older lady would usually answer. She would greet us then take us to the front room where pictures of the Pope hung above some old green couches where Grandma was sleeping. The older lady tapped on Grandma’s shoulder to wake her up. My mother pushed me towards Grandma, saying “Sheldon, go say hi and give Grandma a hug.”
        
“Hello, Grandma.” I said shyly while reaching out to hug her. She then nodded her head at me with a big smile and hugged me back. After that she moved her hands real fast while she quietly mumbled. It was if she was putting words with her hands. I did not understand it, but Mom told me that Grandma was asking how I had been.

“Grandma thinks you have gotten so big from the last time she had seen you.” I looked back at Grandma and thought to myself, “You just said all of that?”
        
When Mom and I went back home, I asked how she knew what Grandma was saying. She said she was using sign language because Grandma was born deaf. “Well why can’t she talk normal?” I asked.
        
“Because, she cannot hear herself talk, she doesn’t know if she is saying words correctly or not.”
        
It took me awhile to understand that a person who is deaf cannot hear you speak. At times I would walk over to my Grandma and ask for candy or cookies but as I was asking I would turn my head in the direction of the candy or cookies. At that point she could no longer read my lips and didn’t know what I was saying. Sometimes I would try waking her up on the couch and say, “Grandma, wake up, dinner is ready” or “Grandma, let’s go to the park.” But she would not wake up until I touched her on the shoulder.
        
As I grew up my mom offered to put me in classes that taught sign language, but I refused. I was too busy playing soccer or other sports with my friends. Eventually I got a job and started working part-time and going to school full time. I rarely visited my Grandma anymore. But when I did visit her I was always embarrassed to be there because she talked to me using sign language. All I could do is smile and turn my head to Mom and wait for her to interpret for me. I turned my head back to my Grandma’s direction and answered her, hoping she could still understand me by reading my lips. Sometimes my Mom left the room to go cook dinner or something and I was left all alone with my Grandma. Instead of enjoying my Grandma’s company I was worried that she might try talking to me. And most of the time she would. What Grandma doesn’t want to talk to her grandchildren? So I struggled, trying to make something out of her hand movements and mumbling. Sometimes I could figure out what she said, but most of the times I failed and would leave the room to get Mom.
        
I used to tell myself that after I graduated high school I would take sign language classes from the local community college. I felt terrible when I had to have someone interpret for me. Sometimes I felt like I made my Grandma feel ashamed of her condition because she could see the frustration on my face when I could not understand her.
        
I finally arrive at the hospital. I start speed walking, my heart is beating hard and fast, I’m scared to walk into the hospital, but I go. I walk up to the receptionist. “What room is Grandma in?” I ask.
        
Of course she doesn’t know who Grandma is so she asks, “Can I have her name?” Then I stared at her for a minute. “What is her name?” she asks again. I was so used to calling her Grandma and my mind was out of control from panicking that I could not think of her name
        
“Her name is Grandma Bauer” that’s all I could remember. I couldn’t hold my feelings in any longer and I begin to cry. I felt the tears run down my cheek, although I was quick to wipe them before the nurse could see.
        
The nurse came to my side and said, “Yes Mrs. Bauer, I know where she is.” We start walking to her room and the nurse turns to me and says, “She had a severe heart attack. We had to do triple bypass surgery. She is sleeping and won’t wake up for awhile but you can sit next to her bed.” After that she opened the door to her room and I walked in alone. I was the only one there. My mom was on her way over from work but wasn’t going to be there for another half-hour or so.
        
I felt a heavy lump in my throat as I watched her sleeping. She looked very pale. Her curly grey hair seemed to be thinner. She had IV’s going through her veins. She was also wearing an oxygen mask. Her thin transparent skin had yellow and green bruises from where the Dr. had inserted needles earlier. She looked smaller lying in that bed, as if she had shrunk since the last time I had seen her.
        
As I stood over her, staring at her fragile body, she suddenly woke up. I could not believe it, it was as if she had sensed my being there even though she couldn’t hear me. She started moving her hands in sign language; although this time she moved her hands very slowly and was too weak to mumble her words to me. I started to feel tears in my eyes. She might be saying things for me to repeat to my family in case she died and I could not understand her. I ran out of the room and asked the nurse if there was anyone who knew sign language.
        
“I’m sorry; nobody here can speak using sign language.”
        
I asked for a piece of paper and a pencil. I wrote, “I don’t understand sign language” and then gave it to Grandma. She looked at the paper and smiled and she reached out for my hand and pulled me closer to her bed. She then pointed her thumb at herself, then she made and X across her chest with her arms, and then she pointed at me. “I love you.” I understood what she told me. I repeated the same thing and told her I loved her too. I then gave her a hug, something we both understood.
        
A few days later Grandma was released from the hospital. She was put on an oxygen tank and was told to take it easy. Meanwhile, I enrolled for a sign language class.

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sarcasmspecialist avatar General Stranger

December 06, 2007

sarcasmspecialist

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sarcasmspecialist reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item
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Nani avatar General Stranger

December 03, 2007

Nani

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Nani reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

This story has potential but I think that it needs more work in order to engage your readers.

Most of the story explains why you feel uncomfortable around your Grandma, why she embarrasses you, but I never got the feeling that you felt deeply for her or had any intimate interactions.  So when you suddenly are very upset when she becomes ill, it’s hard for me as a reader to connect to those feelings, although one would expect a person to be naturally concerned about a grandmother.  But the intensity of feeling that’s described at the hospital—where did it come from?  I didn’t get it from all the earlier background.

“Just ten minutes ago”; “Then I stared at her for a minute”—these are examples of mixed tense sentences, they are set within the context of paragraphs in a different tense.   If you feel it’s really necessary to use different tenses in the story, it shouldn’t change mid-paragraph; perhaps you might only use present tense when you are driving to/in the hospital, all else in past tense.  

RandyParrot avatar General Stranger

December 03, 2007

RandyParrot

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RandyParrot reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

It seems to be more autobiographical than fictional. If you want it to become a published short story, I would suggest on expanding a bit more on certain things, like maybe where you were when you got the phone call and what was running through your mind. The guilt comes across, but it doesnt seem to be very emotional. It seems more like a diary entry, or a blog. If you’re going to write it off as fiction, you could exadurate/ add a few more details. Maybe add something about the aftermath and the sign language classes or something. Just a few ideas.

groovieknave avatar General Stranger

December 02, 2007

groovieknave

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groovieknave reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

Cute story, when things like that happen it makes you realize that time doesn’t wait for you, and if you need to do something you better do it, or you will regret it. Luckily, you had the chance to go back and get the classes before it’s too late to have a conversation without an interpreter!

Only thing I can see is that you wrote past tense, but then present tense at times. Which is okay, very common… I do it on accident too.

I would recommend maybe detailing the surroundings a bit more… not too much but all I can picture are the people. From there it’s just guessing what’s around them. Maybe tell us what happened in the accident?

Overall I liked it, I can see the meaning behind it. It flowed very well… keep up the good work!

LindsayWesker avatar General Stranger

December 01, 2007

LindsayWesker

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LindsayWesker reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

You made me cry!  I’ve got no grandparents left and I sure do miss them!  Your spelling, grammar and tenses are all over the place, but that can be taught.  It’s not a great story but you’re good at telling a story, and it will tug at the heart strings of anyone who has a heart.  I would have appreciated a little more detail about backgrounds.  I love details, even in a short story.  For me, a story means so much more if I am interested in the characters.

LadyMactans avatar General Stranger

December 01, 2007

LadyMactans

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LadyMactans reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

It’s cute. Nice moral tale. You have a random tense change partway through the story and then you switch back again so be careful of that. The characters are a little flat, see if you can develope them a little further, perhaps a conversation between the mother and the kid or the mother and the grandmother or something to give the reader a better sense of who these characters are as people and not just who they are in relation to the story (if that makes sense). A bit more description could be good, as well. Overall it’s a decent story and the writing is not bad.

onlywish avatar General Stranger

December 01, 2007

onlywish

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onlywish reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

Your story spoke with deep emotion. I could easily relate to the granddaughter and grandmother. I am sure many others will also. You deliver a life lesson that is often missed until it’s to late. Tears swelled up in my eyes many times in the course of reading your story. Very well done.

ScreamingDreams avatar General Stranger

November 30, 2007

ScreamingDreams

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ScreamingDreams reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

That’s a very touching story. It’s always nice to hear of something that might change your outlook on life and the pace we go at nowadays! The one thing I would look at possibly changing is where the nurse says no one can speak using sign language. That seems kind of awkward, so I might look into rewording that. Outside of that, it was amazing!

eaglotus_scribe_esquire avatar General Stranger

November 30, 2007

eaglotus_scribe_esquire

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eaglotus_scribe_esquire reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

It’s wonderful, the story is different and so true it’s almost heartrending. I was so sad reading it but angry as well. How could a grandchild not learn to speak with their grandma. Growing up I spent incredible amounts of time with my grandma. But it’s beautiful that the character gets the chance to correct their mistake before all is missed and moments of talking are lost.
I appreciate the realism and heartwarming effects your story had on my heart. May this story bring you to your goals, it’s a great intro to your talent.

serqua avatar General Stranger

November 28, 2007

serqua

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serqua reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

I really can relate with the Grandmother as I am hard of hearing myself. This is a very touching look into the life of some one who deals with a difficult situation in a very possitive manner. Over all I really did enjoy it. As far as a publisher goes though I am not certain how well it would be recieved. All you can do is try. It is a very important story to get out.

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darthstudmaster avatar

darthstudmaster

Age: 30
Loc: Salt Lake City, UT
Gen: M
Last Login: August 04
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