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Poetry / Solitary Survivors
I walk along the streets as darkness falls
Bundled deep within layers
Of sweaters and scarves, hands deep within my pockets
Smiling as the frigid air caresses my face.
I breathe deeply, absorbing the scent of pine,
Brusque air and dried leaves
Mingled with the scent of logs
Burning, escaping into the night.
An owl in the distance hails the deepening dusk.
The wind blows off the last of summers survivors.
Turning up the collar of my weathered pea coat,
I find myself gazing into the face of a full harvest moon.
How I treasure these solitary walks.
The peace of a gentle evening deep into fall.
Crisp pine needles crunch beneath our feet,
My dog Blue and I out for our daily evening jaunt.
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nelson1 reviewed Version 1 -
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I think you definately give us the image and scents of the forest as well as some of the sounds, so this street is definately in a small village. And I think night walks can be a real pleasure for exactly the things you describe or the things we miss if we don’t take these walks, sometimes humans can shut themselves indoors and miss out without realising, but when we do take time on these walks it is memorable/pleasurable.
This is a well written piece, using simple descriptive language. Accessible to a wide range of readers too.
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MzCheekz reviewed Version 1 -
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It has a calming rhythm that found myself getting lost in reading it. The imagery was simple yet poignant. I’m not a publisher so I can’t give you any professional advice.Just that I enjoyed the read.
AtokoLoilona reviewed Version 1 -
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As someone who enjoys solitary walks, I really enjoyed this. Perhaps there is a deeper meaning of walking gladly into the changing season. Don’t know why you left the dog for the last line, it’s not much of a twist or revelation so it could’ve been revealed sooner. All the details made it a rich and immersive sensory experience. Thanks for sharing.
bygstyck reviewed Version 1 -
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I think you have captured the crisp cold evening which you speak. When the weather gets cooler there is a greater sense of solitude. All life retreats into the confines of it’s warm bliss just as you are “bundled deep within layers.” The solitude you felt is palpable, sounds are sharper travelling through cooler air and you capture it all. Thanks for your poem.
EAnonymous reviewed Version 1 -
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This is has nice imagery, and a pleasant nostalgic feel.
The end of L3 needs some punctuation.
Stanza 4: End line 1 with a semicolon or dash, not a period. Line three should probably end in a dash as well.
Though this is nice, it doesn’t say much, other than giving the reader a glimpse into a moment of your life. It is a lovely glimpse though. Do keep writing!
Red_dot reviewed Version 1 -
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I felt I was transported in time and walking with you. Thoroughly enjoyed it. WOuld love to read more of your work as it calms and soothes me. You have a wonderful way with words. Thank you
PiercePresley reviewed Version 1 -
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I think the imagery was well done and set the scene rather well, almost like the evocation from a good haiku, but I thought there were some wordy bits where the language got a little loose on you. I would quibble that the walks are not solitary-any time one of my dogs is with me, I’m not alone.
dobbersp reviewed Version 1 -
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“Brusque”
and “jaunt”
I like those words too. The whole thing had a gravely (gravel y not grave ly)
voice. i thought. it seemed to rumble softly. in a deep bellow.
d:- )
tinwilhop reviewed Version 1 -
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This poem definitely speaks to me. It makes me feel the warmth of a brisk becoming winter’s walk. Every element is delicately presented with an earned equality, nothing is overexposed or excessively written about. What I look for in a good poem is accurate representation, or at least deserved representation of subject matter, which brings it to life, and I must say that this poem does just that.
My favorite stanza:
“An owl in the distance hails the deepening dusk.
The wind blows off the last of summers survivors.
Turning up the collar of my weathered pea coat,
I find myself gazing into the face of a full harvest moon.”
Your use of alliteration is appropriate, and not childish as some alliteration may seem. The line about the moon, makes me see this large dominating ball of light in the sky.
Great imagery, I enjoyed every bit of it.
libby reviewed Version 1 -
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It wasn’t bad, but I don’t think there was anything exceptional about it either. I think there needs to be a certain balance between description and emotion in a poetry, and this one falls a bit too much on the description side of the fence. Mind you, I think description should take precedence, but not to the exclusion of emotion. All this seems to do for me is paint a scene, without really saying what’s so great about it. Very well written, though.
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