Sci Fi & Fantasy / Messiah Complex Ch. 1
The brief winter vacation was over, and the spring term had begun. The new student rankings were to be posted the following day, but Evangeline wasn’t one to wait for that sort of information. With a bit of cajoling, she convinced Tancho and Eric to join her on a high-stakes trip into the faculty office complex. It was getting late, and the torches on the wall threw their shadows along the stone floor. They were getting close, and Evangeline motioned them in.
“So far so good. Around this corner is Scholar Rothskar’s office; we just need to get in and…”
“What? Rothskar?” Eric bemoaned, anticipating the additional punishments they’d incur if they were caught. “Damn it Eva, you didn’t mention anything about it being in Satan’s office.”
Evangeline shrugged. “I guess I forgot to mention it. Or maybe I figured you’d piss your pants if I told you, and then you’d spend the next few hours picking out a new outfit, and we’d never end up finding out who is the top ranked!”
“No, we’d find out tomorrow. Why can’t you wait like everyone else? This is dumb,” Eric retorted, his voice growing in volume. “If I get caught for this, I promise you that I’ll…”
“Shut up.” Tancho finally intervened. “Keep quiet. Let’s do this and head back.”
The trio continued on, creeping up and peering around the corner. A faint light was glowing from within the Scholar’s office, but a daring glance through the glass of the door informed Evangeline of Rothskar’s absence.
“Right, Tancho, hurry up and jimmy the lock,” Evangeline whispered.
Tancho reached for his probe and flashlight but was interrupted as Eric grabbed the doorknob and turned it. It was unlocked. Evangeline, too excited to wait, shoved Eric away from the door, yanked it open, and ran inside. There on the table lay a folder entitled, “Year 357 Spring Rankings.” Having rushed to find the prize, she savored anticipation for a moment longer before opening the cover and scanning for her name, starting from the bottom up.
“I’m First again!” She yelled, which caused Eric to start and summoned a sigh from Tancho’s lips.
Eric recovered from the shock and said “Congrats Eva, that’s great news. Now can we get out…?”
A glance from Tancho silenced him. Then he heard what had alarmed Tancho; the sound of footsteps approaching the office. There was no time to flee, and the three ran to the one spot that offered any sort of hiding. Stepping on each others feet and knocking elbows, they crammed into the wardrobe standing at the wall facing the door they came in through – a door soon opened by Scholar Rothskar.
He was not alone; a woman Scholar came in with him and Eric shared a look of surprise with his compatriots as they heard the lady speak. That Rothskar could even find a woman willing to talk to him was, well, unthinkable. However, it soon became clear that it was not a social visit.
“As I was saying, I think this whole matter is going to blow up in our faces. We need to correct it before it goes much further. I know you have some influence with the Headmaster, and certainly you can make a suggestion to one of the Seven…”
“You overestimate my influence,” Rothskar said, cutting her off. “I may have relations with the Kamatari, but beyond that the Seven are just as inaccessible to me as they are to a pleb off the street.”
“But someone has to say something!”
“We can try to speak to the Headmaster about it tomorrow, but I don’t think we’ll see much success. This whole thing was conceived a long ways up the food chain, Brenna, and I’m afraid the best we can do is manage the damage control.” There was a rustling of papers and the sound of rucksacks being hoisted onto backs. The voices of the two Scholars began to fade as the door creaked shut. They waited for a few moments before bursting from the wardrobe.
Evangeline was glowing. “What the fuck is going on? Wow, what could it be? Something big, huge! Do you think something here could tell us more?” She began looking around hungrily.
“Evangeline, we need to get out now, before the praetors start doing their rounds,” Eric cajoled.
Tancho was already opening the door to leave, and Evangeline was torn between being abandoned and satiating her curiosity. As Eric left the room, peer pressure won out, and pouting she followed them out.
“I really want to know what is going on now,” she whined. They walked off toward the dormitory facility.
She would not have to wait for long, however. For the very next day, the Transfer Student arrived at the Assassin’s Academy.
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Evangeline is spelled Evangline on the first page. This is really cool, but what time period is this in? Is it 21st century? That is a little confusing. When writing you want the readers to see what you are seeing as you write your story so some descriptive factors here and there would be okay just don’t overdo it. When the new student introduces himself he says that he is the first foreigner. If Tancho is Asian how can the new student be a foreigner? That is one detail that might need explaining. Is he foreign because he is from a different land? Where does this take place? What is the name of the city the academy is in? It doesn’t have to be anything descriptive; just the name. This is a good read because it leaves the reader wanting more.
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A very good story line,grabs the interest from the outset.A good job of describing the characters,making them seem vibrant and alive.The grammer and spelling are good.The two characters Evangeline and Tancho stand out really well.The Sicarii Assasins School?Hmnnnnn!!Most interesting.
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