Poetry / Squall

Go, go, go,,,it was smooth and fast..like a video  game,,The feathered stairs really sticks in my mind..good words, has just enough rhyme to keep it jumping and musical. Only line that caused me to hic-cup is 10 up from the bottom..to me “only beauty remains” flows better…keep it up

You are my favorite writer. This was an absolutely incredible poem. Flawless. With enough rhyme to make the world go round. Thank you so much for gracing the world with your poetry.

Stanza breaks! My inclination when I see a big clump like this is to just skim right through it without giving the words what they deserve. Stanza breaks tell us what’s important, without them I get the feeling it’s all the same. Also, your rhyme in the beginning is kind of dull. Definitely gets better towards the end, wafts/scoff, for example, but something like cares/stares/bare/air/there is just tedious and elementary. It’s got potential, just needs some work.

this is really amazing. it is a work that i would have to read a couple of times over. It is beautiful and visual. I really enjoyed the rhythm and flow as well. very nice work!

Would you consider this to be modern? I think so. The absence of capitalization but presence of punctuation give it a distinct identity like that of other modern poems. I enjoy your sensory imagery. I can feel, hear, and even smell your poem from my own desk. It is actually a relaxing read, thank you.

Nice, it reminds me of something by Edgar Allan Poe (can’t think of the name of it) but it was full of metaphors that really brought the piece to life! Good write, I dig!

This is warm and beautiful.
I can’t help but think of what you could do with these images in a free verse poem instead of this rhyme scheme, though. I feel like it detracts from the creativity.
These lines: “here’s the truth: i will be there.
through fields of fate, and witch’s hate” don’t do anything for the poem either, and I highly suggest dropping them.

Love the language….it’s so evocative and precise.  You clearly are in touch with the essence of expression, kwowing which words to use and where.  I’m impressed and hope that you continue writing more of this style.

This is most interesting and I enjoyed your poetry.  I do hope that you will write often as practice only makes you better.  I may suggest that you have a friend read your work aloud back to you so you can hear exactly what you have written.  You will be amased how the good points and errors will jump out at you. The hard part in doing this exercise is just sitting there listening to what you have written…and not saying a word.