Haiku/Senryu / Autumn's Sister

Yes, I’ve heard this from others. I was trying to show how the whole landscape kind of moves with the wind that is releases the seeds from the heads of these tall grasses. There’s a lot of random movement but rythm too. Thanks for your review.

I was looking forward to your review. I agree with your points. I don’t like the title either and there is some confusion as to whether “hair” is describing the grass or the child. What if I changed the last line to “She moves with lost seeds.” Is that a better picture. Unfortunately if I do this I loose the image that everything is kind of moving together. Thanks for taking the time to give a good review. It was worth all 76 credits.

That might work (your suggestion).  Why not “let this simmer.”  Sometimes that’s what works best for me when I’m do final polishing but not coming up with answers right away; set it aside and let your muse and your mind dwell on it a day or three.  Keep me posted.

Thanks for your review. I’m glad you found it stimulating, I always like to layers of meaning even in small pieces like this.

thanks for your review. Yes. I struggled with line 3. Here are some of my alternatives: “She walks with lost seeds” or “She fades with blown seeds” or “She moves with lost seeds” what are your thoughts on these lines?

a,
I’ll think about it.
filbert

Lost seeds were literally seeds that were released from the heads of the grasses we were walking thru. Thanks for yoru review.

Oh I totally forgot about those things.. I thought you meant like seeds in the ground but you mean the seeds on the tops of those things in the deep grass