Poetry / Open Your Eyes (Analysis)

Way too preachy and suffers from a lack of imagery. The work sound more like a
friend giving advice to a lovelorn friend rather than a literary work

A very nice beginning.  I like the way your sentences are short, so it’s very eye appealing.  Thank you for sharing.

I like the message of this poem a lot.  I can see you have a gift with words, however, a major part of poetry is meter.  I’m, not sure there is a consistency in the rhythm at all, which take away one the most prominent factors of poetry-musicality. Poetry takes a lot of practice, but you are young and on your way it seems.  Just try to take in account the “beat” of the poem and it’s relation to the message.  I like the atypical rhymes you use also;)

I am not an expert in poetry myself, so I don’t feel qualified to critique your poem. I can see you have a future in writing though, if you choose to pursue it. Writing poetry has always been harder than it ought to be for me. I write something I think is good and others come and tell me the cadence is all wrong, the words don’t fit, or I should fix this or that . . . Anyway, I wanted to encourage you to continue to test your wings in poetry and prose alike.

Your words and thoughts are clear and easy to understand. Some of the lines have too many syllables, but you are very good at getting your point across. The repetition of the “refrain” is poignant and reminds us that you really care. You have a fine command of the language, and I see you being able to take that talent and mold it into a powerful ally! Write, write, write—and encourage others to write AND read! Reading is becoming a lost art, and that is a shame when there are young people like you with such a fine knack for writing! Blessings to you and your writing!

I think it can be considered a good and a bad thing that this poem is so literal….there are a lot of readers that want their meanings and things direct and simple,and you are absolutely providing to those people….It’s always good to cater to your audience. On the other hand,sometimes you might want to try being a little less literal,maybe thinking of different ways to say the same thing. I think the emotion and the subject matter are the heart of the poem,and that you have down. But the wording and the maybe resisting the urge to rhyme a ton would help your flow a little bit. It’s a great first poem though!

Great sense of timing. You have a gift for rhyme which isn’t always easy. This would actually make a really good song. I can almost hear the guitars in the background! I think you convey the message you were trying for perfectly, and I think your subject matter would cross over to a lot of people who have been in your same position, which makes it all the better. Keep it up!