Thank you!!! I appreciate your kind words and that
you took the time to read this.
Poetry / Lines
You’re just gonna set the dove free?
Let the bird go so that it draws the friendly fire.
That line you drew in the sand – that was me.
This new line on my face – that was you.
I get trampled while your doling out dares.
I wanted to be the name in the sand that waves carried out to sea,
not graffiti on the West side of the wall.
I wanted to be the voice of reason,
the voice on the other end of the line when you thought you were talking to yourself
I’m the free-lovin’, third wheelin’ friend of a friend of a friend.
The bird gets shot down anyway. Can I please just keep him?
Teach him to say something cute.
Save him the agony of being a moving target.
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jaugne reviewed Version 1 -
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OK, so they didn’t use your name, but I recognize the style from the poem of yours I just reviewed. That says a very important thing in and of itself- it says you sound like you, no small feat when most poets on here can’t decide if they want to be Frost or Bukowski and haven’t found their own “voice” yet. You’ve found yours, and I sincerely believe that as you hone it you will become a poetic force to be reckoned with, which is so much better than just being “good”.
I want to be your friend so I can talk to you, I think our words have a bit in common.
J.B.
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4Nalon reviewed Version 1 -
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You have a true talent, I really feel this piece. When you write “I wanted to be the voice of reason” so calm and relaxed, then let out a plea of “The bird gets shot down anyway. Can I please just keep him?” becomes so personal. I feel like it may be a young man or woman talking, someone who still has the innocence of a child. Very beautiful.
SamiDR reviewed Version 1 -
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I like the vision and the context. It’s an easy read that seems to be a good metaphore…A couple of the lines didn’t flow: “I wanted to be the name…” and, “the voice on the other end…” and, “The bird got shot…” Otherwise, well done, keep it up.
Cavity reviewed Version 1 -
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I think that is really good poem with beautiful images. I like the part where you talk about carrying the name to the sea. I felt as if I was really there for a moment.I think the poem flowed very well, but maybe to well it
420BC reviewed Version 1 -
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Great job, I liked your imagery. I didn’t really catch a clear meaning to the piece, but it totally reminded me of being a child caught between fighting parents. A nice piece of work, I enjoyed it.
Niyorco reviewed Version 1 -
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Very nice! I like the poem, I like how you seperated the sentences and even made them appear stanza like. The element you use here “the dove” is a good example of something that has the apperance of gentle, and the capable of being free.
It seems to go along with the narration of a spirit like form for this poem. (I may be wrong) Even somewhat “war like”. Just so many different ways to view this. I enjoyed how it ended. Good write! Thanks for sharing and best of luck!
Brian reviewed Version 1 -
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The image of the bird doesn’t appear connected to the majority of the poem. I liked the questions, they added to the sense of hopelesness of the speaker. I could see this as a song if you added a chorus and refrain in.
johnnyxhoustan2 reviewed Version 1 -
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wow thats beautiful. the whole dove thing, peace, like being a voice of reason and stuff, just beautiful. the Dove in general was a genius idea. it was the most moving part for me. good job. i cant really say anything because it’s just fantastic. GREAT JOB :)
longing_4_the_calming reviewed Version 1 -
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I love how your personal views are obvious in your poem. I think that the pain of being that third person should be more apparent. I also think that the feelings you had when the climax came should be more outspoken…I want to feel what you were feeling. Also I thinkt that you could spend a little extra time editing this piece if you ever want to take your talent further.
asphyxiatedsmile reviewed Version 1 -
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I love it when a poem ties together, start to finish; this seems very… complete. I actually really like it, using natura and uncovered life as an example- The dove is usually a cliche covered bird… but you played that piece very well. Odd that I can’t think of any complaints; someone else can do that. I’d like to read more from you.
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