You know what? I agree..Perhaps just by keeping it simple and change it to “words” would sound better. What do you think?
Poetry / While Floral Sleeps
Patter of rain on fallen leaves
Reminder winter draws nigh.
Burning wood fragrance
Entwined with the flames
Ballet before our eyes.
In warmth we snuggle
No dictum spoken
Our bodies echo our thoughts.
The year’s labor ending
Ushers love’s occasion
All while the floral sleeps.
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septemberchild reviewed Version 2 -
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Very warm. Love the image of fire. Is there a way to get us to smell the wood instead of refering to it as burning wood fragrance?
dragonbite reviewed Version 1 -
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I like the poem. Its simple but poetic to the point. I dont understand the use of dictum though in poem. I understand the word but it seems a bit much for such a nice and pleasant poem. good work overall though.
Sparkles reviewed Version 1 -
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I like it, but the word “snuggle” doesn’t seem to fit with the overall tone of the piece.
npr33 reviewed Version 1 -
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it seems to me to be saying that winter is near and it’s a beautiful thing to behold and a perfect reason to cuddle up. love it.
casey_faded reviewed Version 1 -
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I loved this poem – strong images with simple words. It works very well, goodwrite
jakewilbon reviewed Version 1 -
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The “ballet” part is the best. This reminds me of Robert Frost with a free verse touch. I like this quite a bit. I would leave it as is.
Brian reviewed Version 1 -
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I like the poem, but think the first two lines could be stronger. They are good images, I just don’t like how they read.
XGreenTeaX reviewed Version 1 -
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I really love the way the poem sets up a cozy atmosphere! My favorite line is “ballet before our eyes” describing the fire.
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