Poetry / Roach : Vacation

I think you need to make it clear early on that you are talking about a work situation. That way many people can relate to it, the feeling of being trapped at work with people you don’t want to be around. As was reading it I thought it was about a personal relationship until the end and I thought, if you hate someone that much, just leave. The poem is extremely rageful. You need to help the reader relate to it. I also think  ”roach motel that you call a brain” is over the top, and at the same time is unclear; do you mean the thoughts from this person’s brain are like cockroaches, if so, how; “mutilated mentality” and “feeble intelligence” also sound over the top. You are venting your feelings, but to communicate as a poem the reader has to be able to enter your world. I’ve had a lot of bad jobs but I can’t really relate to your thought process as described here; it is too rageful, almost like mental illness.

“that Roach Motel you call a Brain” is an awesome line!  I don’t understand the capitalization of certain words – I assume for emphasis, but other than that I think this is excellent work.

Reading this places my mind in a situation that I live in on an almost daily basis at the office.

“Burned Out” doesn’t even begin
to deservedly paint
the Hell dancing behind these eyes.

For your safety and mine,
I Beg of you please.
Spare me from the Ridiculous, Absurd, Bizarre Babble
that insists on escaping from
that Roach Motel you call a Brain.

I love these pieces and they enable to feel exactly the way the passage reads.

I can relate to this one, so I personally, love it.

While reading this you got me laughing several times. We all know people that are so far beyond burn out and we have a tendency to avoid them if we can.I’m taking the following as a typo:”Exhaust of you Feeble Intelligence.” probably should read:”Exhaust of your Feeble Intelligence.”
You set up a character with vivid imagery for us to see. You expressed dislike or anoyance phrases with flawless passion to utterly distroy the intended person. Phrases such as: “Spare me from the Ridiculous, Absurd, Bizarre Babble
that insists on escaping from
that Roach Motel you call a Brain.” and “Let me pretend I am an Island
and I will ignore that there is only
an Inch of Ocean surrounding my Shores
and separating me from the Rancid
Exhaust of you Feeble Intelligence.” followed shortly by the last statement “I REALLY need a vacation.” Next time I hear someone say they need a vacation I hope it’s from a distance. Overall, well written and humorus. Something I enjoyed read though just the opposit of what I usually read or write.
Thank you for making me laugh.

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December 02, 2007

by whispertree

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Thank you for your kind review. The usual response to reading this poem is trepidation, so it’s delightful to have the humor understood.

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