Flash Fiction / Atomic Love

This may be personal preference, but I actually prefer the old version better.
It was at least quirky before…and the bomb aspect had the feel of metaphor, where this seems more like a psychotic break. I think the mistake is shifting the story too directly to the bomb as a gift, with the vivid imagery, it creates an imbalance. It was more intimate the first way.
Plus, you’ve never sold me on the core premise of the piece to begin with.
Again, this is only my humble opinion.

I absolutely love it. It’s usually sickening to read more about love especially when the word is in the title, but every now and then you find someone who can articulate it newly – good job. It should be, “After that, she wouldn’t help but kiss me forever.” – you’re still imagining, here. I also thought some of the captions odd. I think it’s great you include action in them (I acutually think ti’s a necessity that a lot of peple don’t do) but some of the actions don’t quite conincide withe quotes (for me). For example, ”’Can someone give away the world?’ She hugged me.” I feel like in that case, it’s better to just say, “She asked” and begin a new sentence with the hug.

This is tight and quick. I liked the opener ”...we pointed out constellations in the white specks of ceiling crust.” It was a great image. The only part which distracts is the addition of the red bow and iron belly in the description of a white ceiling object. I’m probably being picky with that aspect of it. I haven’t read this before so it is fresh. Congratulations on sticking to it.

The beginning is good and well put together, but the conclusion is less than appealing. It is a surprise, yes, but one that is random and entirely unrelated to the rest of the story. Its as though two stories were melded into one without any thought to the reader.

I don’t know a lot about the flash fiction genre. So I’ll keep this review brief. I like the story it’s got a twist to it that makes me smile. I like the way we are all supposed to carry the seeds of our own destruction.

I’m sure she heard me upstairs while eating breakfast in bed.

I would remove the word upstairs i don’t think you need it.

That said this piece is quite funny good work.

So cute and funny to start out, yet so strange and outlandish towards the end. I think this is a good example of where your head is at with fiction (god I hope it’s fiction.) So kudos, good job and work on your place setting a little.

This is nice.  It feels very personal, almost taboo, like the reader is getting a glimpse of a emotionally intimate moment.  I like it.  “The best way to own the world is having the means to destroy it.”  - That was my favorite part.  Nice work!

That was nice.  There’s not much to criticize.  Maybe give a few more details or imagery, paint the picture a little better, but I wouldn’t suggest changing anything, it’s great the way it is.

this was interesting, and artistic.  I felt words so well, and the moment you discribed, i could picture it very well.  I’m probably off the point of the work, but I felt like it went in two diffrent ways, and ended in another. Created three diffrent plains, exsistince in the ceilling, in the relationship, and in the first person character.  Good read

The title alone wins points for me. The story has a nice start that will hopefully lead to more installments as time goes by. I hope to see more soon!