Poetry / Kwik-crete

Wow, that was a strong use of words.  For those of the torn hearts, it was a masterpiece.  You use great imagery here, Lips are like Cinderblocks.”  I especially love this line when you said, “I just heard
the grinding of stones against one another.” You draw great pictures with your words. I have been faced with a sort as this, and it by no means is pleasant. Hopefully you are free from this individuals grasp.  I would really love to read more thanks for sharing.

Okay, I love the final lines.  I think the first three and final two lines are great, but I think that the idea could be fleshed out a bit more in the middle.  I also think this needs more structure, but enjoyed reading this regardless.  

great imagery
some powerful lines.
I felt that the word ‘concrete’ there
broken the flow.
maybe it was just as it followed “two cold slabs”
perhaps I was thinking ‘two cold slabs of stone’
Concrete, though, feels like overkill
as it is clearly in the title.
The last line was by far the strongest.
The whole thing rates a 9 in my book.
I know someone like this.
Wish they could read this and ‘get it!’
Thanks for this brilliant short piece.

This is a great poem, I really enjoyed it. A lot of people write about this kind of thing, even I do, but you took a different approach. I’m sure most people can relate to this, I think you did a wonderful job, especially with the last line. =)

This is very good. There is emotion and patience in this, and those are the 2 ingredients required for redemption. I like the bitterness and resolve. Everyone’s felt it, but no one wants to admit it.  You’ll do well if you keep this work up.

interesting

Not a pleasant simile, cinderblocks for lips, and much too large in my mind to portray those pleasant pouty soft things where visious words can fly through. I get the point but ouch! Two slabs of concrete! The question that arises, why would one suffer such an ugly person with a vitriolic mouth? There’s a lack of sensitivity in this poem I think, it hits you on the head like a ton of bricks.

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December 17, 2007

by mash

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
226	76.3% (38 votes)	29.0%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
32	F	Rock Hill, SC	November 24

Exactly.  10 years in an abusive relationship tends make you a little less sensitive.

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exprssive and angry. i really feel the emotion behind the words in the harsh metaphor cement/concrete and it harsh abrassive qulity. i really liked this poem and i thank you for sharing.

Melissa

Very very very nice.

This poem is original and damn interesting. You’ve inspired me to write a poem describing person (something that I normally don’t do)!

I can feel exactly what the poem is about from the slabs of concrete and cinderblocks. And you do a very good job of associating them with curses and lies and hard coldness. It easily compares to something soft and warm like love.

I loved this piece and it’s one of my favorites.

Thank you very very very much. (I say that a lot but I really mean it this time)

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December 17, 2007

by mash

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
226	76.3% (38 votes)	29.0%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
32	F	Rock Hill, SC	November 24

No, thank you!  

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I know this person.  I lived with this person.  Concise imagery, i really enjoyed the piece.