coming from you that’s a great compliment. the whole thing is on my myspace blog url: dessusdessous.
Humor/Satire / "And Broke His Crown"
They lay there in a heap. It was now four days after Jill’s eruption, the trip having been extended due to a minor run-in with the local authorities in Maine that had landed the entire assembly in the drunk tank for a few nights (which made them consider the trip a great success).
He stood in horror and disbelief staring at them. Face up, face down, twisted like airplane wreckage; they looked like they’d been thrown from the window. Thank God he built his own stretchers out of lumber, otherwise the damage would have been far worse. But some did have broken corners and would have to be restretched, and one had an enormous rip in it that did not seem to be a result of the fall. It had to have been Jill; he recognized her writing on the hand-lettered sign in the middle of the pile that said, “LOSER ART—FREE!” He figured she’d be pissed at him for taking off without telling her, but he never thought she would resort to this. She must have had that nervous breakdown she’d been working on for so long. What was additionally disturbing was that nothing seemed to have been taken.
Well, there would be time to deal with her later. First things first; he’d have to carry everything back upstairs. It was a miracle that it hadn’t rained. He couldn’t do it alone, but he figured he could start with the drawings. When he got back to his apartment he’d phone Guillermo and the rest of them to turn back around and they’d have it done in no time. Then, Jill
As he bent over and picked up the first drawing, he heard a voice.
“STOP!!!”
An impossibly beautiful and thin young man, a human whippet who could only be described as streamlined, was headed over toward him, running as best he could in his painted-on low-slung skinny jeans and pointy shoes.
“You mustn’t touch that—it’s art!!! Do you hear me? Stop!!!”
Once he saw that he had been heard and that the person he was addressing had indeed ceased to do what he was doing, the young man’s pace slowed to a lope that was a very close approximation of a 1920’s movie vamp.
“Nobody’s touched it in five days, and the MINUTE I step away to get a cup of coffee, which is, I’ve discovered, what they call a latté around here, along comes some PERSON with no eye WHATSOEVER for art to disrupt EVERYTHING. This is NOT a Felix Gonzales-Torres piece—you aren’t REALLY supposed to take anything! Do you understand? Let me explain. This is what is referred to as an installation—oh, never mind, no point in even ATTEMPTING… be a kitten and give me that drawing, would you? Thanks, you’re a dear.”
He eyed the pile for a minute or two, tentatively placed the drawing on it, and then stepped back to take in what he had done. Seemingly satisfied, he continued.
“Dekko Sedgwick-Shrimpton. And you are…?”
“The artist.”
“Oh! Why didn’t you say so? Well, thank GOD you’ve finally appeared. I have been waiting for you for DAYS. Although I must say you aren’t exactly what I was expecting, but we can discuss that later. Were you toying with your masterpiece, naughty boy? Hear me, DO NOT TOUCH. No need, my little praline, it’s CELESTIAL exactly as it is. Impeccably composed, and yet entirely free and expressive, as if it had been flung from the roof. How DID you do it? Listen to mother—I do not often use the word ‘celestial’, so make note…it was obviously done by a HIGHLY skilled hand. You are a great talent. There is true passion here.”
“Sixth floor.”
“Hmm?”
“Never mind.”
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Razzer123 reviewed Version 1 -
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tstone reviewed Version 1 -
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Sharon reviewed Version 1 -
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freckleface reviewed Version 1 -
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arualsuga reviewed Version 1 -
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zomg. that’s great. I adore it, it mocks the art world so! and yet, i can see this actually happening. Do you plan on continuing this? if so… don’t. kepp the characters, their scenario is good, but don’t keep on with this tale. create a new one. or maybe just create something entirely different.
I think Jill and ‘He who shall not be named’ make a perfect sit-com style couple and if you wanted could be the basis of a very amusing series of tales.
good luck.
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EAnonymous reviewed Version 1 -
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This is hilarious! Is it part of a larger work? I hope so, otherwise I’d have to say that it needs some fleshing out. If you want this published, then everything you explained in your reviewer notes should be made clear in the story. You can make it funny, I’m sure. The humour in this is excellent. Thanks for the laughs! :)
ThomasAlan reviewed Version 1 -
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Can I assume I have missed a chapter or three? There is no numbering of sections or chapters and yet there is this LONG note.
I liked this a good deal. It’s cheeky and wry, and for those who know anything about modern art (post modern? post moderne? post post modern?) this is a hoot.
The humorous tone does not really kick in until the appearance of Dekko (love the name, art deco play); is there a way to make the intro narrative JUST a touch more sly and acerbic? The line about their staying in the Maine dunk tank etc. is fun—more of that.
Let me know how to circle back if there’s more.
Good luck with this, it has great promise. Could this be wanting to be a novel?
EES reviewed Version 1 -
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Well you just kind of drop the reader in without much preamble, so… at it is a bit of a shock to the system. Softening that up would not be a bad thing in my opinion.
A few nights in the drunk tank>? Don’t they usually just keep you for the one.
I like your use of language. The story is great. I deff found it amusing and I see your point quite easily and I am in agreement with you! Ummm, the capitolization of words to emphasize a point though, is distracting and I would rather that you bring the letters back down to size.
I just love it. It makes me distraught, thinking about what I would do if all of my art were tossed out a window and… oh you get the point.
One other thing I found bothersome was that the beginning and the end read like they are extracted from two different stories. Both are good, but don’t mesh as well as they could.
Reaper reviewed Version 1 -
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This is cute. I like it. The only thing that bothered me was this part….
done in no time. Then, Jill
As he bent over and
Is part of a sentence or the story missing here? ’Then, Jill’ what? There’s no puntuation, so it made me think something might have gotten cut off. Do you have more to this story posted?
AstridM reviewed Version 1 -
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This is very nice. I only have a couple of comments:
“He stood in horror and disbelief staring at them” is awkward. Perhaps “He stared in horror and disbelief at them” flows better?
Loved the “Sixth floor” response. It gives us a good sense of the character’s personality.
At the end of the third paragraph- “Then, Jill” – I wasn’t sure if this was a thought that was cut off or something else.
Really enjoyed reading it. I hope you have more.
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