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Haiku/Senryu / Children
Babies cannot know
whose harps of heartstrings they pluck
When first they are born.
You touch my music
and give it a master’s stroke.
I am your student.
My virtuoso.
My heart is your instrument
Fine tune it at will.
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You have no way of knowing if the object of this affection has, or will ever read this brilliant rensaku. Good luck!
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A very romantic set of triple haikus. I’m not too convinced by the line “you touch my music” since it seemed a little too abstract in this context. Some of the poetic language seems a little awkward as well. Making it a direct message to someone might increase its impact.
these are all very endearing. i bet you do well with short stories, too. :) great job! :)
Nice work. This writing describes the overpowering effect children have over us adults. They work their magic, don’t they? The musical terms were a nice touch as well.
pretty the child that grows up with that type of love. Enjoyed it very much.
Nice. A moody and classical three-parter writ in elegance and brilliance.
This one just touches your heart.
I respect the message but it seems a little bit amateur and without flow.
Those are all very beautiful.
Great job. I don’t much know how to critique a haiku, but it was beautiful and I enjoyed reading it.
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