It is for children, but children is an awfully broad category. Is it for younger children, no. Older children of say 8-10 yes. It’s meant for the same ages as the lengthier Chris Van Allsberg books.
Children's / The Life And Times Of Seamus O'Flannery Chapter 2: The Ode to Joy
Once upon a time, in the land that exists between the sun and the moon there was a magnificent castle made out of shimmering tears of joy. In this castle lived the King and the Queen of Mirth. Unlike most royalty they did not own any land, pass any laws, or have any servants. There one and only job was to ensure that laughter and joy continued to thrive and prosper in the world. You see, when you shed tears of Joy those tears hit the ground and flow until they reach the castle and join the other tears. Not far from the castle flows the river of salt, which is made of the tears of sorrow and is always threatening to flood and wash the castle away. The King, Phillip, and the Queen, Mary, spent their days doing things that brought joy to one another. For the more joy that they had, the more joy there was in the world, and the more joy that there was in the worl the more they loved one another. Each morning Mary awoke to a note from Phillip and then the two would settle down to their favorite breakfast of pancakes and eggs. Mary’s favorite thing to do after breakfast was to take a walk by the river of Salt and pray for the ones that make the tears that flow abundantly through the river. Phillips favorite thing was to wander the castle and marvel at the joy that the Lord had given him. You see, Phillip and Mary were not the creators of this world, they were simply caretakers, much like a gardener. They would then meet at noon and have a lunch that always consisted of grilled cheese and tomato soup made with tomatoes picked straight from the garden. You’ve not tasted a tomato until you’ve eaten one made from tears of joy. They would then saddle up their horses and ride through the hills and valleys that surrounded the sprawling, ever growing, castle. You could see all kinds of animals, and vegetation, big and small, those still living and those now extinct. The King and Queen had dominion over all of the animals in the land, and could eat the produce of any tree or vine save for one, The Tree of the Knowledge of Pain and Sorrow. This particular tree was surrounded by a fence who’s sole purpose was keeping the cattle from grazing near the tree Phillip and Mary accepted this rule without exception or design to violate it After all, when you’re given the keys to the kingdom you don’t quibble over the lock. This was how they lived for many many years, after awhile though they began to long for another person with which to share their love and joy and Mary soon became pregnant. One quiet evening there arrived a small bundle of joy known to her parents as Sarah Jane. Oh, Sarah Jane was filled with the love that comes straight from God. She had a wild streak though, you could tell that by the look in her eyes when she smiled, and she HATED eating the same things day after day. She was a good child though, and her parents loved her with hearts that could only be bested in abundance by the Lord Himself. Her favorite thing to do was to ride her horse, Buttercup, around the property. At first, her parents always rode with her for fear that she would either get lost or injure herself on the horse. Of course, she was told, by her parents, never to eat the fruit of the Tree of The Knowledge of Pain and Sorrow. As Sarah Jane grew Phillip and Mary allowed her to roam further and further from the shadow of the castle. Until one day she was riding when she heard a voice, as clear as day, urging her to eat of the forbidden fruit. She was hungry and the fruit did look awfully good. he tethered Buttercup, and climbed the fence, her heart but the voice in her head growing louder with every step. She reached out and grasped the fruit lightly, as if it would break at her touch. When her teeth finally sank into it’s satiny skin, nothing happened. She ate some more, still nothing happened. She ate until she was full, still nothing happened. Looking back on it later she’d recall that she heard no sounds that normally brought her joy. No rustling of leaves, or birds singing in the trees. Nothing. At the time though, she didn’t notice anything, except that the sun was setting and that she needed to get home. That evening she had supper wither her family, something that she had done hundreds of times. Tonight, though, something was wrong. That evening the Lord came to her father in a dream, and told him to test his daughter by having her do the thing that brought her the most joy. Upon waking Phillip new exactly what his daughter had done, and he set about exposing the truth and atoning for her sin. During this time the river of salt rose ever so slightly, and the castle lost just a bit of it’s shimmer.
At precisely twelve pm Philip called his beloved to him and asked her to write him a song, a request that she had granted many times over. You see, the Lord had gifted Sarah Jane with the ability to write songs that even the psalmists envy. Sarah Jane sat, and sat, and sat. She tried to write, she really did, but each time that she put pen to paper she wept. It occurred to her only then what she had done, and that the source of greatest joy had now become the source of her greatest sorrow. She fell to the floor in prayer, and her parent knelt beside her. They prayed for days, weeks even, as the once glorious castle eroded around them and the river of salt inched ever closer. Finally, after 40 days, the Lord heard their prayers and He, once again, came to Phillip in a dream.
“Go” He said. “The world will feel sorrow as a result of what your daughter has done, and she must suffer greatly. She will witness great love and happiness around her, but she will feel nothing but sorrow for my love has left her heart. Then, in a time, I will look upon my daughter with compassion, and on that day she will once again feel happiness, love, and peace.
So, the family packed what few belongings they could carry on their backs and quickly left the castle. They stood at a safe distance and watched as their home was enveloped by the river of salt. They wept at the realization that they would never again be able to return to the home that the Lord Himself had built for them. They wandered through hills and valleys for forty months. Occassionally stopping to rest, but never staying long in one place so as not to visit any more sorrow on those that occupied the land. Sarah Jane witnessed great happiness. She saw children born, even her own brothers and sisters, but she felt nothing. She saw the Lord do wonderful things in the lives of others, but none in her own. Unfortunately, it is part of the human condition that we can only see a limited part of our hearts, and Sarah Jane was no different. The Lord was already at work in her heart and had planted the seeds for things to come. Occassionally she would sit down to write, but the words were always just out of reach. Her family kept moving all over the Northern Colonies. Everytime they started to settle, people would start to whisper about the “loveless Sarah Jane” and the family would be forced to move on. After years of wandering it came to the point where even Phillip and Mary began to wonder if the Lord would fulfill his promise. Not Sarah Jane though, she trusted the Lord. She remembered the stories of Abraham and Moses and took comfort in the fact that the Lord keeps His word in His own time, which you’re allowed to do when you created time. One evening Sarah Janehad grown tired early and decided to go to bed, This was unusual because she would often stay up late and watch the Heavens.
That night she dreamed for the first time in ages. She was at home, in the palace, when she heard a voice calling her “Beloved” just like her father had once done. She ran through every room until she found a door that she had never seen before. Beyond was a great banquet hall filled with food but no people. “Beloved” She heard again, and the hall started to fill with the ones that she had once loved. “Welcome home.” She heard, and began to cry. “Because I am faithful to you, you will be faithful to me. Because I love you, you will love me. Rejoice, I have returned to your heart.” She sat bolt upright in bed which was now soaked from sweat, and was filled with a boundless joy. She wanted to wake her entire family, but her heart told her to go and worship. Her family had been living in the heart of New York and had been frequenting a church called St. Patrick’s. She entered the church, and for the first time in her life she knew what John felt like in his mothers womb. Never again would she feel abandoned and alone. She immediately went to the altar and began lighting candles. She had been there about ten minutes when she felt a tap at her waste and turned around to see a very small man.
“Hello, my name is Seamus O’Flannery.” He said. She couldn’t quite understand him, but she introduced herself anyway. “I’m Sarah Jane” she said. They spent the restof the night talking and she found out all about him, and more that she ever thought possible about rainbows. He showed her about the miracles that exist because God exists. One of which, according to Seamus, she was a walking talking example of. Eventually they married, and on that day Sarah Jane wrote the song that her heart sings whenever the Lord is present, and He is always present.
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SandraLapthorn reviewed Version 1 -
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This would do quite well in the christian market or possibly even adapted into a play, alas it is not my style but I like to keep an open mind and read genres from a broad field of writers. My advise is approach a christian publisher and see how you go. Sorry I can’t give more advise on the technicalities of writing, I’m certainly not an expert either in that field. Good luck
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catherinespark reviewed Version 1 -
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To be sure now, a rather daunting first paragraph. Perhaps some more generous paragraph spacing for your poor slow readers? These stories remind me a bit of Fionn mac Cumhail (pronunced Finn Mack-Cool). I found the beginning both traditional and boring. Describing the prosperous land and how everything was right was quite boring, but did add to the traditional feel of the story. Sarah Jane took me by surprise; the name always slams me back to Doctor Who. This story also had a very mild, almost sarcastic tone towards the middle, when describing the songs that Sarah Jane could write. If this was intentional, it is very effective. If not, then please keep it in; it is very effective.
BlueLucario reviewed Version 1 -
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Once upon a time(TOO CLICHE. PLEASE REPLACE THAT), in the land that exists between the sun and the moon there was a magnificent castle made out of shimmering tears of joy. In this castle lived the King and the Queen of Mirth. Unlike most royalty they did not own any land, pass any laws, or have any servants. There one and only job was to ensure that laughter and joy continued to thrive and prosper in the world. You see, when you shed tears of Joy those tears hit the ground and flow until they reach the castle and join the other tears. Not far from the castle flows the river of salt, which is made of the tears of sorrow and is always threatening to flood and wash the castle away. The King, Phillip, and the Queen, Mary, spent their days doing things that brought joy to one another. For the more joy that they had, the more joy there was in the world, and the more joy that there was in the worl the more they loved one another. Each morning Mary awoke to a note from Phillip and then the two would settle down to their favorite breakfast of pancakes and eggs. Mary’s favorite thing to do after breakfast was to take a walk by the river of Salt and pray for the ones that make the tears that flow abundantly through the river. Phillips favorite thing was to wander the castle and marvel at the joy that the Lord had given him. You see, Phillip and Mary were not the creators of this world, they were simply caretakers, much like a gardener. They would then meet at noon and have a lunch that always consisted of grilled cheese and tomato soup made with tomatoes picked straight from the garden. You’ve not tasted a tomato until you’ve eaten one made from tears of joy. They would then saddle up their horses and ride through the hills and valleys that surrounded the sprawling, ever growing, castle. You could see all kinds of animals, and vegetation, big and small, those still living and those now extinct. The King and Queen had dominion over all of the animals in the land, and could eat the produce of any tree or vine save for one, The Tree of the Knowledge of Pain and Sorrow. This particular tree was surrounded by a fence who’s sole purpose was keeping the cattle from grazing near the tree Phillip and Mary accepted this rule without exception or design to violate it After all, when you’re given the keys to the kingdom you don’t quibble over the lock. This was how they lived for many many years, after awhile though they began to long for another person with which to share their love and joy and Mary soon became pregnant. One quiet evening there arrived a small bundle of joy known to her parents as Sarah Jane. Oh, Sarah Jane was filled with the love that comes straight from God. She had a wild streak though, you could tell that by the look in her eyes when she smiled, and she HATED eating the same things day after day. She was a good child though, and her parents loved her with hearts that could only be bested in abundance by the Lord Himself. Her favorite thing to do was to ride her horse, Buttercup, around the property. At first, her parents always rode with her for fear that she would either get lost or injure herself on the horse. Of course, she was told, by her parents, never to eat the fruit of the Tree of The Knowledge of Pain and Sorrow. As Sarah Jane grew Phillip and Mary allowed her to roam further and further from the shadow of the castle. Until one day she was riding when she heard a voice, as clear as day, urging her to eat of the forbidden fruit. She was hungry and the fruit did look awfully good. he tethered Buttercup, and climbed the fence, her heart but the voice in her head growing louder with every step. She reached out and grasped the fruit lightly, as if it would break at her touch. When her teeth finally sank into it’s satiny skin, nothing happened. She ate some more, still nothing happened. She ate until she was full, still nothing happened. Looking back on it later she’d recall that she heard no sounds that normally brought her joy. No rustling of leaves, or birds singing in the trees.
i’M LOOKING AT THIS PIECE AND WONDER WHY YOU POSTED THIS IN THE CHILDREN’S SECTION. I DON’T THINK A CHILD COULD UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU HAVE WRITTEN. IF YOUR AUDIENCE IS TEENS, PUT IT IN THE YOUNG ADULT SECTION.
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